Dear Brian,
I've decided to move. I'm done with Toronto and would like to go live on Baffin Island. That remote and isolated region of Canada appeals to me. I'd obviously pitch a tent on a windswept beach, put down a thermarest and coleman stove and become one with nature. Just me with the Baffins and a couple polar bears and a can of beans every once in a while. Sounds pretty good, eh?
Chris
Dear Brian,
Upon further research, there appears to be no such thing as a baffin. I thought they would be real since they have their own island. I guess that sort of puts my plan on hold. I tried to find a like sounding animal to go with and stumbled across the Puffin. Its some sort of bird but I'm kind of hazy on the details. I've never lived with a bird before now so I'm wary of moving in with these Puffins. Will they let me camp on their island and eat beans? I do not know.
Chris
Dear Brian,
Well, Brian, it seems that my plan to move to Puffin Island is all for naught. Looks like Puffins do not warrant their own island. Why does a non existent baffin get a whole whack of land and the poor puffin is forced to cohabit our coastlines. We already have birds on the coast, sea gulls, land gulls, various others that I'm sure are fantastic if I ever was to be introduced. This is maddening cause I went out and stocked up on beans and camp stove fuel.
Chris
ps. I like cutting hotdogs up in my beans.
Dear Brian,
The lure of the remote wilderness is too much for me to be deterred. I've packed up my Eureka tent, doubled up on socks and bought some of those strike anywhere matches. I've decided that if I cannot live with the baffin or on puffin island, we can work out some sort of compromise. I'm sure you've got the evite now, but I've asked the puffins to come live with me on baffin island. I think they'd like to live with me. I have more than enough beans to share if there isn't enough seafood in nature for the puffins to eat. I'll let you know how the move went.
Chris
Dear Brian
Life on Baffin Island is going well. I'm just in Nunavut right now to mail off some stuff and pick up supplies. I'm getting kind of tired of beans. The puffins took the move well. They had a little contention with the arctic terns (another kind of bird) but now I think all is good. The gang wants me to start calling it "Puffin island", but come on, its a little early in the game to go making name changes. Setting my tent up was a pain, the ground here is unforgiving. Much like an angry puffin. My cell reception is the worst up here though, and if I do get one bar on, the rates are ridiculous. I miss Toronto but I can't see myself coming back any time soon. Thanks for watering my plants. Come visit on your reading break?
Chris
Dear Brian,
Yesterday I saw a narwhal! Its a whale with a big tusk jutting out from its head. A unicorn of the sea! It was super awesome. The puffins weren't as excited as I was.
Chris
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