Nothing to declare

[Sapphire]

I hope I understand it right: I can just start a new thread when I have an other poem, as long as I do not post 2 in one day? Please let me know if this is not a correct explination of the rules.

Nothing to declare

The look flashed over your face
- a hunter who lost his prey
But I have no idea
Who is the hunter?
Who is the hunted?

I do not care who wins.

I was told this day would come
- I did not notice
The passing of the hours
Why are those days gone?
Why did this day come?

I do not wish for answers.

No, not any more
- it will not heal me
Taken that I am broken
What part of me is hurt?
What needs to be bandaged?

Nothing, nothing to declare.

I think I focussed too much on the form this time... And I am not sure why that last line has to be the title either, it just seemed to fit the best - but maybe I should find up a whole new line/word for the title.
And I think I use "day" too much in the second verse. But it did not last years so I can not say "why are those years gone". Maybe months... But then there is still that last day ... Maybe this is better:

I was told this moment would arrive
- I did not notice
The passing of the hours
Why are those months gone?
Why did this day come?

Hmm... not really grand either. And now it's the "come" that is annoying - so I changed the first one in "arrive". Not too sure about all these changes...

[breathtest]

I think you are being too harsh and critical on yourself. It is a really good poem with many powerful lines. Good job and thanks for putting it up.

[PrinceMyshkin]

Yes, it's a good poem, especially because of the simple, heartfelt questions, the questions that only the other could answer but, implicitly, he won't even hear you ask them.

One of the things you will learn is that there is no end of fiddling with, tweaking the poem, but after too much of it, you will lose the ability to choose between options a, b, c and x.

[Sapphire]

@BreathTest
Thank you

@PrinceMyshkin
Thank you - and yes, you are so right! It is never quite right... I'll keep on searching though