My first poem posted here!

[Kayrose]

So this is the first poem I have decided to post on this site. I hope that it is okay and not as cheesy as it sounds to me. This is a mood poem called "Our Colorful World" please give me some feed back.



Our Colorful World


The world is not black or white.

Sometimes it is red like the cheeks of a laughing baby,

Or blue like the eyes of a grandmother.

Sometimes it’s green like newly sprouted bulbs in spring,

Or pink like the flowers of the bulbs in summer.

Sometimes it’s grey and dark like the sky before a storm.

And sometimes it’s just yellow and bright like the sun after the storm.

The world is not black or white.

It’s brown, purple, orange, and pink,

It’s what you feel and what you create.

The world is not black and white.

[a_little_wisp]

Kayrose, welcome to LitNet, darling! First, I like where your headed as a poet. You understand that poems don't need to rhyme to be good! Yay!

Second, you took a general idea and took it a step... inwards, towards the personal realm, towards memory, to prove a point in a different way. That's very neat!

May I suggest checking out your punctuation from lines 6-end? It's surprising how much a period can change the rhythm of a poem, how a comma, hyphen (my favorite, as most people have probably guessed), or semicolon can free it. The last two lines, however - don't change a thing.

It's good to have you here, Kayrose! Can't wait to see more!

[kevinthediltz]

I liked it. A great first post.

[thinkingsam]

Hello Kayrose. I love the images you present, bringing the reader through life's little wonders. I like the duality between lines (from lines 2 to 7). I have just one complaint here, which is that I found the repetition of "storm" a little jarring. May just be a personal preference.

[skib]

A fabulous poem! I'm not a very good poem critic, but I like it! Welcome to litnet, btw. I hope you find it as wonderful place as we do!

[Kayrose]

Thank you so much for your comments and encouragement. I wrote this poem after my grandmothers, funeral whcih sounds werid I know but remembering her eyes and little things like that made me feel calmer and I really wanted to share that with others.

[Kayrose]

Thank you and sorry about punctuation. I'm horrible at it despite studying and trying to get better at it. I kind of stick the periods and comma's in where they look right to me, which is probably wrong! But I will try to use punctuation better.