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Thread: .:.:Blue Bird:.:. opinions are higly appreciated

  1. #1
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    .:.:Blue Bird:.:. opinions are highly appreciated : D

    Hiya,

    I haven't written here in a long while, my apologies. I've written this poem this morning, while listening to a song and recalling what I have done in my life, and forecasting what I have yet to see. Perhaps it might be a quick poem, but for some reason it is growing on me. Please do share opinions, criticism is always a blessing. I feel very good about this poem *smiles* : D I hope you guys like it as well!!

    -------------------------------------------
    Blue Bird

    The stars, the moon, the sun and sand
    The battered heat of the sun's hand
    Reaching out to burn the evergreen leaves
    Of the courteous trees

    a blue bird flew free
    at the sight of the bright sky
    simple words, I could not foresee
    that your leaving was more than just a cry

    you said if you could fly
    you would never come back
    past the moon, above the ply
    across the stars, in a new track

    your wings spread wide
    higher and higher you veer
    towards your endless dream you glide
    far above, midst the white pure clouds, no fear

    you aimed for a savior to a solemn heart
    silent, in its own eyes
    your life, impart
    across landscapes of golden dyes

    I reached out my hand
    to eternity, I wanted to touch
    your kind image in my sand
    to keep you safe in my clutch

    late as I was, dallying under the sun
    for your feathers to fall
    in my hand, none
    pieces of you, I dreamt to recall

    a memory of a blue bird
    that hunted unreal heavens
    blind in its path, interred
    by its own will, awakens

    freedom you sought
    life you denied for a mysterious world
    your pure wings fell to naught
    your footsteps in the sand swirled

    The stars, the moon, the sun and sand
    The battered heat of the sun's hand
    Reaching out to burn the evergreen leaves
    Of the courteous trees

    -------------------------------------------

    Cheers,
    M
    Last edited by Angelic Devil; 03-27-2009 at 08:01 AM.

  2. #2
    Something's gotta give PrinceMyshkin's Avatar
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    The opening/closing stanza is magnificent. Some of the others feel a bit strained in reaching for rhymes. Thanks

  3. #3
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    thanks ;-)'

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