Bright Colours in Her Hair

[thinkingsam]

Bright Colours in Her Hair

She's sailing past a moonlit shore,
Bright colours in her hair.
They catch the light of lazy stars:
Those watchers without care.

She watches as the world goes by:
White flowers in her wake.
A sigh, a note of slight despair;
Alone, she leaves the lake.

She leaves a life, a friend, a home:
All bygones out of sight.
A girl, she thought, that time forgot,
Who shivers at the night.

She sleeps, tonight, beneath the sky:
It smiles, it knows its friend
Beneath the shining, winking flames
That's drifting without end.

She's drifting past a moonlit shore,
Bright colours in her hair.
Tonight the sky glides softly down
A river without care.

[qimissung]

Simple, yet stunningly beautiful.

[PrinceMyshkin]

Lovely and blithe as this is, we've got a grammatical problem here

[URL="http://thinkingcities.blogspot.com/2009/02/bright-colours-in-her-hair.html"]She sleeps, tonight, beneath the sky:
It smiles, it knows its friend
Beneath the shining, winking flames
That's drifting without end.

Inasmuch as "that's" is a contraction of that is, therefore couldn't be referring to the plural "flames." "That're" would correct that but would feel clumsy: why not That are?

On the other hand if you intended it to refer to the "friend" you'd need commas after "friend" and "flames" and "That's" would need to be who's. Unless, of course, I'm missing something entirely about this verse?

[qimissung]

Yeah, he's right. But 'that are' should work.

[thinkingsam]

Lovely and blithe as this is, we've got a grammatical problem here



Inasmuch as "that's" is a contraction of that is, therefore couldn't be referring to the plural "flames." "That're" would correct that but would feel clumsy: why not That are?

On the other hand if you intended it to refer to the "friend" you'd need commas after "friend" and "flames" and "That's" would need to be who's. Unless, of course, I'm missing something entirely about this verse?

Hey there, thanks for pointing that out! You have a pair of sharp eyes. I intended the friend to be drifting, not the flames, so it's the comma that is missing. Shall correct it at my site. Thanks again.

[PrinceMyshkin]

Hey there, thanks for pointing that out! You have a pair of sharp eyes. I intended the friend to be drifting, not the flames, so it's the comma that is missing. Shall correct it at my site. Thanks again.

The comma would help but I still think "That's" should be "Who's"

[thinkingsam]

Ah yes, that's true. Somehow missed this point earlier. Thanks again!