Once in a small wood
she kissed me
pitying a piteous boy
a broken arm
with a writeable cast.
She signed the cast
kissed me
I walked home on the tops of trees
and she
left for the earth
I never came down.
Once in a small wood
she kissed me
pitying a piteous boy
a broken arm
with a writeable cast.
She signed the cast
kissed me
I walked home on the tops of trees
and she
left for the earth
I never came down.
This poem is many things: precious, righteous, and a little sad. I like it a lot.Originally Posted by Silas Thorne
Thank you. I wanted to be true and simple with it.
I just made a comment on your poem. It really touched me .
It sounded like something a schoolboy with a romantic heart would write. I liked it very much Silas.
Apart from the unquestionable sincerity of the feelings, the beauty of this for me is the simplicity and economy of it.
Thanks, delta. I wanted to go back, for I did not write it then.
and thanks also Prince Myshkin. I wanted it to stay true.
There's a simple boyish innocence to it and I want to be part of the fairy tale, but it doesn't deliver the invitation. Part of the problem for me is your opening with "Once," which in my opinion raises the bar, making this a harder sell than it has to be. I really want to walk on the tops of trees with the boy, but the girl, we're told, kisses him only because she feels sorry that he has a broken arm, whereas I come away thinking that she should be the one dancing on the tops of trees because he dreams better than the other boys, and knows how to love.
Last edited by jon1jt; 02-05-2009 at 04:21 AM.
"He was nauseous with regret when he saw her face again, and when, as of yore, he pleaded and begged at her knees for the joy of her being. She understood Neal; she stroked his hair; she knew he was mad."
---Jack Kerouac, On The Road: The Original Scroll
Not entirely sure what you mean here, jon. There isn't a fairytale here. I took the high road and she took the low road-a 'never the twain shall meet' kind of thing. When the poem came out I didn't feel like messing about with it too much.
Once adding to the singular simplicity of the moment, you mean?
Yes, I think we must, never being the same with each passing minute.
Yes, I agree, very nice Silas. That line about walking on the tops of trees opens the poem up. I liked the way you did that.
LET THERE BE LIGHT
"Love follows knowledge." – St. Catherine of Siena
My literature blog: http://ashesfromburntroses.blogspot.com/
No, of course there's no fairy tale except in the sense that the vivid picture you present has the high relief of a fairy tale - and that's exactly how heartbreak should be presented, especially one's first heartbreak. Who would bother to write about or even remember a moderate amount of romantic disappointment?
Derrr.
Reading this hurts. It prods at my heart.
It's a sad-sweet nostalgia.
The worst feeling in the world isn't loneliness, it's being forgotten by someone you can't forget.
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