Sick Bed
Be still-
pale fire burns
eyes count flies
upon white-washed
ceiling
Unmoving-
a word spoke
hard steel
has a taste
Crimson-
stains becoming
rouge painted
on impure skin
Lips parted
sympathy wasted
breath stirs
barely
Weakened-
in shadows
prostrated
before cracks
in the wall
Chipped paint-
marks the time
dust and death
on the floor
Decay-
tasted
bitter and sweet
sour realization
All the white
flowers
whiter
and gray
Hours pass-
without a change
curtain stirs
hushed as death
Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before. ~ Edgar Allan Poe
Nice. My only concern was with your mentioning death in the middle of the poem which takes some of the umph out of the last line.
My favorite definitely:
Weakened-
in shadows
prostrated
before cracks
write on muse.
"He was nauseous with regret when he saw her face again, and when, as of yore, he pleaded and begged at her knees for the joy of her being. She understood Neal; she stroked his hair; she knew he was mad."
---Jack Kerouac, On The Road: The Original Scroll
Thank you
Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before. ~ Edgar Allan Poe
I think it sounds quickened - like the gasps of a sick person. It doesn't sit well but then that is its effect because sickness has no real comfort. How to get pleasure from this....mmmm
Yes, there is an abiding pain in this, eh? Counting flies, morose image, works beautifully here. After a second read I'm wondering about the symbolism, if any, having to do with the white flowers turning whiter and gray. Whiter in the sense of reversal---as a drawing closer to life after death? Interesting.
Last edited by jon1jt; 01-27-2009 at 02:58 AM.
"He was nauseous with regret when he saw her face again, and when, as of yore, he pleaded and begged at her knees for the joy of her being. She understood Neal; she stroked his hair; she knew he was mad."
---Jack Kerouac, On The Road: The Original Scroll
This was really quite good, if dark!
Some of us laugh
Some of us cry
Some of us smoke
Some of us lie
But it's all just the way
that we cope with our lives...
Thank you
Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before. ~ Edgar Allan Poe
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