Who Is The Worst Writer Ever?

[dafydd manton]

Dickens Sucks? Egad,Sir, e'en as we speak, ranks of disgruntled Englishmen, armed with pikestaffs and arquebuses are massing by the white ccliffs od Dover, incensed that such a great English tradition should be thus maligned. Dash it all, sirrah, we have our traditions, such as warm, flat beer, the Roast Beef of Olde Englande, and sending gunboats in when insulted. Do not be surprised, Sirrah, if you wake up in the morning to find a big red double-decker bus (right-hand Drive, of course) parked outside your home, full to the gunwales of gentlemen in bowler hats with sharply pointed umbrellas and copies of The Times as shields, about to assail your personage. Damn' poor show what!

[Mopey Droney]

Awesome.

[kelby_lake]

Great!

Can I add that Melville must have been the most boring person ever...Moby Dick had about 10 million chapters on species of whales...the best bit of the book was when Ishmael and Queequeg were sharing a bed and Ishmael watched Queequeg undress, and I don;t think melville intended that to be the highlight...

[snhettich]

Ha - amusing as in stupid?

No, I didn't mean stupid. I mean amusing as in, they made me chuckle. I didn't get that worked up about what you said about Dickens. It's all in good fun.

[dafydd manton]

I think, gentlemen, I can help you. My last novel has, thus far, sold a total of about 23 copies, several of those to an asylum for the criminally insane. The remainder have been sold to friends, most of whom have not spoken to me since. Indeed, many have actually crossed the road, to avoid me. That being the case, there is a possibility that the Worst Writer Ever is me. I can say this, safe in the knowledge that nobody east of Skegness, a seaside town in England, has ever heard of me, except a certain person in New Jersey that I met in Berlin 23 years ago, to whom I owe 5 Dollars and 25 cents. I offered to settle the debt with a copy of my latest book, but I regret that I cannot post his reply. The permissive age is not that liberated yet. Thank you.

[LitNetIsGreat]

I think, gentlemen, I can help you. My last novel has, thus far, sold a total of about 23 copies, several of those to an asylum for the criminally insane. The remainder have been sold to friends, most of whom have not spoken to me since. Indeed, many have actually crossed the road, to avoid me. That being the case, there is a possibility that the Worst Writer Ever is me. I can say this, safe in the knowledge that nobody east of Skegness, a seaside town in England, has ever heard of me, except a certain person in New Jersey that I met in Berlin 23 years ago, to whom I owe 5 Dollars and 25 cents. I offered to settle the debt with a copy of my latest book, but I regret that I cannot post his reply. The permissive age is not that liberated yet. Thank you.

Sounds better than Dan Brown.

Hey, I notice you are from Sheffield too, rock on! - Skegness brings back horrible memories, it's such an awful place, worst holiday resort of all time, nightmare, would rather stay at home or go to the Tesco for a holiday or something, vile.

[kiz_paws]

There are rabid Dickens fans here...they may burn us at the stake for this.

Well, I am a fan of Dickens -- though I've read only a smattering of what's out there. Nonetheless, love it!

But then, I have been accused of being eclectic -- no, no Harlequin romances **shiver** but a varied selection of reading schtuff! Yes, including S.King and the ilk.

**stomps foot**

[dafydd manton]

Skegness is a bit like Bournemouth. Hoardes of people think "I'm not feeling well, I think I,m going to keel over in the next few weeks, let's move to Skegness". The cemeteries are full of people who went there from places like Sheffield in order to snuff it - and found out that even when you're dead it's cold and uncomfortable.
Noticed on one of your earlier posts that you like to hide in the Peak district. Go past Fox House, past Toad's Mouth and park in the next car-park on the right. Up in the hills is a natural seat made of stone, which is a great place to take a book (and a bottle if someone else is driving). You're out of the wind, but you can't hear a sound from your surrounds. Well worth a try.

[LitNetIsGreat]

Skegness is a bit like Bournemouth. Hoardes of people think "I'm not feeling well, I think I,m going to keel over in the next few weeks, let's move to Skegness". The cemeteries are full of people who went there from places like Sheffield in order to snuff it - and found out that even when you're dead it's cold and uncomfortable

Bournemouth oh god that's another one, been there, done that, so miserable - can't wait till I can afford to go abroad again. Scarborough and Whitby are about the best around Yorkshire for coastal kicks.

Noticed on one of your earlier posts that you like to hide in the Peak district. Go past Fox House, past Toad's Mouth and park in the next car-park on the right. Up in the hills is a natural seat made of stone, which is a great place to take a book (and a bottle if someone else is driving). You're out of the wind, but you can't hear a sound from your surrounds. Well worth a try.

Hey yes I like to hide in the Peaks during summer, not much last year because summer was cancelled of course. Yes I go past Fox House (and in it, great pub) Toad's Mouth rings a bell but I don't know it off-hand, I will look out for that though thanks, I don't have a car so drinking and driving is not an issue, just get there on the little bus full of walkers and pensioners, roll on summer.

[dafydd manton]

If you go past Fox House and keep going, there is sharp left-handed bend, with a strange shaped rock on the right. It's shaped like a Frog's Cakehole, hence the name. The car-park in question is about 500 yards beyond it. Usually an ice-cream van in there, so you can freeze your tonsils when it's about minus 5!! Remember, you can always tell a Sheffield summer - the rain is that tiny bit warmer!!

[kelby_lake]

Sounds better than Dan Brown.

Hey, I notice you are from Sheffield too, rock on! - Skegness brings back horrible memories, it's such an awful place, worst holiday resort of all time, nightmare, would rather stay at home or go to the Tesco for a holiday or something, vile.

Don't diss Tesco!

[wessexgirl]

Dickens Sucks? Egad,Sir, e'en as we speak, ranks of disgruntled Englishmen, armed with pikestaffs and arquebuses are massing by the white ccliffs od Dover, incensed that such a great English tradition should be thus maligned. Dash it all, sirrah, we have our traditions, such as warm, flat beer, the Roast Beef of Olde Englande, and sending gunboats in when insulted. Do not be surprised, Sirrah, if you wake up in the morning to find a big red double-decker bus (right-hand Drive, of course) parked outside your home, full to the gunwales of gentlemen in bowler hats with sharply pointed umbrellas and copies of The Times as shields, about to assail your personage. Damn' poor show what!

love it! Don't mess with Dickens lovers .

Not so sure about Tescos Kelby, I didn't have a local one, in spite of them buying up every square inch of the country, but guess what, they've opened 2 more relatively near to me now....being a Tesco-free zone has come to an end .

[dafydd manton]

love it! Don't mess with Dickens lovers .

Not so sure about Tescos Kelby, I didn't have a local one, in spite of them buying up every square inch of the country, but guess what, they've opened 2 more relatively near to me now....being a Tesco-free zone has come to an end .

Tesco are the only company I know, that when you buy a packet of eggs, in a transparent box, there is a label that says "Allergy Advice. Caution. Contains Egg. Other than that, I don't have a beef - one man's meat is another man's mad cow disease!

[Infinitefox]

I don't read enough of anyone I dislike to consider them the worst writer. I try two or three books of an author, and if I dislike them, then I won't say they're the worst ever, because I don't read enough of anyone who I think sucks to accurately say that.

[promtbr]

I have to assume a BIG MAJORITY of the posted responses are based on the following premises:

1) You have read maybe less than 15 works that could by consensus be called "literature"

2) You read exactly 1 of this author's work.

3) You did not choose which work to start reading from this author, it was "chosen" for you in an anthology or in required reading in school.

4) You didn't read the part of the first post that the original poster stated "that is generally regarded as LITERATURE"...

It really is unfortuanate that a lot of authors generally held up as being regarded as having written a piece of literature have had a certain work "pigeon holed" and foisted on first time readers of literature as an intro to their work in all the anthologies or "Surveys Of Literature".

If the young reader becomes bored (is not entertained) or has been told such and such a piece should be admired as being "important".... well of course you are going think the writer sucks....

Its too bad really.

That said, of course EVERY reader WHATEVER age has come across writers that are just not their cup of tea or style of writing appalls them...that what makes it 'inarestin

But I do suggest that when you get older, come back to some of the writers that you have "written off" and especially a different work than in the anthologies....you may find they become your favorite authors

After the venting

I can't read Paul Auster.

BTW, I love your signature Mopey...I have that DFW quote above my PC. We lost a great one there....