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Thread: Christmas Poems # 1

  1. #1
    Registered User Biggus's Avatar
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    Christmas Poems # 1

    Christmas Poems # 1

    CHRISTMAS CANDLE

    Candle light of beauty
    Adorning church and alter
    None excluded from Christ’s love
    Darkness brightly conquered
    Light of Christ illuminating
    Everlasting light of life

    CROMWELLIAN

    The lord protector Oliver Cromwell
    Killed thousands, the truth to tell
    Beheaded the king and closed hostelries
    And he cancelled the Christmas festivities

    JOSHUA, JOSHUA

    “God with us,” or Emmanuel
    “A savior”
    In Hebrew called Joshua
    In Greek the name was Jesus
    “The chosen one”
    In Hebrew called Messiah
    In Greek named Christ
    Jesus Christ
    The Son of god
    A Jew Born in the Roman Empire
    Given by God to the world
    For two thousand years
    Not known by a Latin name
    But known by all by his name in Greek

    CHRISTMAS FARE

    There has never been a good time to be poor
    Certainly not Christmas
    As Dickens wrote
    “This time when want is keenly felt by the poor”
    And there has never been a good place to be poor
    Certainly not Victorian London
    Now a wealthy Victorian family
    Would dine upon a Christmas dinner
    Of Vegetable soup
    Oyster patties,
    Roast turkey or goose,
    Boiled leg of mutton with caper sauce
    Followed by Port wine jelly,
    Mince pies and plum pudding
    Queen Victoria is known to have eaten roast swan
    While in the country
    A piece of Smoked bacon
    Or rabbit pie was had
    The poor in town or country
    Dined upon what ever could be found

    VICTORIOUS CHRISTMAS PIE

    In the nineteenth century
    At Christmas time
    The old queen, Victoria
    Gave, to her senior staff
    And closest friends
    A specially commissioned
    Victorian Christmas pie
    An extraordinary example
    Of culinary magnificence
    The pie consisted firstly
    Of a woodcock
    Small and plump
    Which was then stuffed inside
    A well hung and gamey pheasant
    Which in its turn
    Was stuffed inside
    A fat corn fed chicken
    As if this was not enough
    The chicken itself was then
    Stuffed into a huge Turkey
    Until Finally
    The great weight of fowl
    Was placed upon a dish
    And surrounded by special stuffing
    And baked beneath
    The richest pastry crust

    MEDIEVAL CHRISTMAS PIE

    For the wealthy landowners
    In medieval times
    Food was plentiful
    At Christmas time
    And A few days before the holy day
    The kitchen at the manor
    Would begin their preparations
    First a huge pasty case was made
    For a special festive pie
    Into the bottom of the huge pastry case
    Went enormous amounts of forcemeat,
    This was ground beef and lamb
    Heavily seasoned with salt and pepper,
    On this were placed boned and boiled hens,
    Rabbits, Ducks and assorted game birds
    Another layer of forcemeat was added
    Then marrow, hard boiled egg yokes
    Currants, prunes and dates
    Spices such as cloves and saffron,
    Mace and cinnamon
    Finished off the ample filling
    It was then covered
    With the huge pastry lid and baked
    And such a feast was had
    The poor were less fortunate
    Unless they had a goodly lord at the manor
    But bad masters were
    As plentiful as the feast
    And so Christmas for the poor
    Was often less than merry

    CHRISTMAS JAMMING

    I sit in my car on a December day
    In the evening rush hour on a Friday
    Rain pounds on the roof of my car
    As I sit in a jam not getting very far
    Just sitting motionless in the traffic
    Late home again, that just terrific
    Bright red taillights fill my view
    The light’s of other cars in the queue
    I see Looking to my left and right
    The twinkling of a Christmas light
    The queue edges forward very slowly
    Then I reach the junction eventually
    Twenty minutes just to get this far
    I see the blue light of a police car
    I don’t believe it I could explode
    The police have only shut my road
    I still don’t know what’s to blame
    As now I go back the way I came
    All the way home I rant and rage
    Growling like a wild beast in a cage
    Rush hour and my spleen is vent
    Shutting the road is so inconvenient
    The reason for delay I still can’t see
    But I do make it home eventually
    I shout at the kids taking off my hat
    I moan at my wife and kick the cat
    I look at my dinner with total disdain
    Dried up the gravy now just a stain
    On Monday I relate my tale of woe
    And my problems with traffic flow
    A colleague of mine who lived locally
    Knew the details and informed me
    And then with shame I was filled
    A woman was run down and killed
    A week before Christmas she had died
    A happy Christmas for her was denied
    A poor young woman had lost her life
    Somebody’s lover somebody’s wife
    She was both a daughter and mother
    Mourned by two sister’s and a brother
    Bells ring out on Christmas morning
    Bells ring out for a family mourning
    Christmas bells ring out in glory
    To celebrate the Christmas story
    I spent Christmas with my family
    With my heart so full of sympathy
    I felt so ashamed at my selfishness
    Angry impatient and thoughtless
    I confess I behaved so irrationally
    Just because I was late home for tea
    When next I’m in a jam I’ll remember
    Any time from January to December
    I shall keep things in true perspective
    And my thanks to God I shall give
    No matter how slowly I have to drive
    If I’m sitting in a jam I’m still alive

    A TIME TO REMEMBER

    It was an unforgettable morning
    After the winter sun reluctantly rose
    And the new dawn broke gently
    To light the frosted landscape
    And heralding the holy morn
    Bathing cosy homes with light
    Awaking children from their repose
    As grown-ups wipe sleep away
    Or tiredly yield to a yawn
    And so the day has begun
    Joyful yells and screams ensue
    As gifts are opened frantically
    Wrappings scattered here and there
    It was an unforgettable morning
    Though soon enough it became forgot
    And as the day progresses
    The latest must haves cast aside
    Attention turns to the Christmas feast
    When eyes are bigger than bellies
    And indigestion comes on all
    How different to the first morn
    When in a strange and distant land
    Lit by a star of brightest hue
    And sheltered in a humble stable
    God lay in human baby form
    Watched over by lowly beasts
    And shepherds stood in reverent pose
    Three travellers from the east
    Offered gifts to God made man
    So as you enjoy your seasonal repast
    Take time and spare a thought
    Raise your hearts and a grateful glass
    And remember the saviour’s birth

    CHRISTMAS RULES

    Our Christmas fare
    Tables heaving
    Cupboards overflowing
    Contrasts starkly
    With our foreign brothers
    With meager bowls
    Of meal or rice
    How would they react?
    To our gluttony

    The homeless survive
    On handouts
    Of soup and bread
    Or half eaten burgers
    Discarded in bins
    Sleeping in doorways
    Or In cardboard boxes
    With news paper bedding

    Should we feel guilt?
    For having more than they
    For our good fortune
    No we shouldn’t
    But we should not forget them
    We should spare a thought
    For the less fortunate
    And be charitable
    A kind word or deed
    Celebrate Christmas
    By Christ’s rules

    CHRISTMAS MORNING

    Heralding the special day
    As sweet undisturbed the cherubs lay
    Early as Christmas day is dawning
    The birds sing out on Christmas morning
    Halleluiah, halleluiah cheer
    Christ the savior’s day is here
    And as awakes every little dear
    One by one the lights appear
    Yellow light piercing the darkness
    Like stars populating heavens blackness
    Until every house across the land is lit
    To make a constellation to quite befit
    A celebration across the earth
    To celebrate the Christ Childs birth
    Then with giggles and boisterous shout
    The whirlwind kinder sets about
    The present sack with great delight
    Throwing paper to the left and right
    And when they see the gifts inside
    They’re open mouthed and wide eyed
    Then peace restored after the early rout
    The church bells call, the bells ring out
    Good morning they seem to say
    Merry Christmas on this special day
    With purposeful step and a happy heart
    We make our way to play our part
    To give hearty praise and uplift
    Rejoicing at the first Christmas gift

  2. #2
    Ruadh gu brath ampoule's Avatar
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    Why Biggus, somehow I knew that someone who loves women so much would also love Christmas. These are very nice, educational too. I have a friend who loves all things English so I hope it's okay if I share them with her.
    Christmas Jamming was very moving. Unlike you, some people never learn those tender lessons.
    I'm in love with The Vinegar Man and Mr. Tanner, but be careful, it could just as easily be you.

    "If you're going to write you better have somewhere to come from." Flannery O'Connor

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    Registered User Biggus's Avatar
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    Thanks

    I'm glad you enjoyed them.
    Please feel free to share them.

    I have to admit to my shame that "Christmas Mourning" is a true story and It was I who was the impatient driver.

    Thanks
    again

    Paul

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    Christmas Poems # 2

    Christmas Poems # 2

    THE WORSHIPFUL MORN

    The bells of Christmas ring out clear
    On the special day across the land
    Family and friends come together
    With warm embrace or shake of hand
    Then together answer the call to enter
    The happy faces of young and old
    Of those occupying every seat or pew
    In the church bedecked in green and gold
    Lifted the heart and warmed the soul
    The glad ragged and dapper dressed
    The cheerfully demeanoured little girls
    And little boys with hair unmessed
    All come together on Christmas day
    To share the celebration and rejoice
    To mark the birth of the baby lord
    Love and peace heard in every voice
    As in harmony the congregation sing
    Heartily in praise of Christ the King

    HIS GIFT

    For the lowly beast in the stable chill
    And the humble shepherd on the hill
    Wise and wealthy Magi from the east
    The purpose of every Christmas feast
    Is to rejoice and feel your spirits lift
    Exchanging love when exchanging gift
    For when Jesus lay in that stable stall
    He gave us his love, the greatest gift of all

    THE HOLY INFANT

    In the presence of the lowly beasts
    The prince of peace was born
    And to his earthy joyous cries
    They bowed low head and horn
    The Shepherds stood in wonder
    As the child they stood before
    The child the angel told of
    Lay before them in the straw
    Countless miles the Magi came
    Having traveled from the east
    In lavish robes they knelt before him
    And bowed lowly like the beasts
    Gold, Frankincense and Myrrh
    Were lain reverently before his stall
    Precious gifts brought from afar
    For the holy infant born for us all

    SEASONS GREETINGS

    Tis the festive season
    Of goodwill and reason
    For the politically correct
    The dithering and the direct
    For the clubs and the cliques
    And tedious control freaks
    For the anal retentive's
    And their many representatives
    For council house yobs
    And the inverted snobs
    Those with professional jobs
    And intellectual snobs
    For the easily offended
    And the over complicated
    For the vile and the venomous
    The overt and the anonymous
    Snake in the grass vipers
    And Back stabbing snipers
    To the tarts and the vicars
    And those in disposable knickers
    For all poetry scrawlers
    And the unpleasant name callers
    For the narrowly minded
    And those with axes grinded
    For the loud minority
    And the silent majority
    For blondes and brunettes
    And all lads and laddettes
    Those pierced and tattooed
    And the prim and the lewd
    For the bright and the bland
    And the humble and the grand
    For those who are pretentious
    And the liberal consensus
    Every class hew and breed
    Every persuasion and creed
    Whether ungifted or artistic
    And the mentally arthritic
    For the first and the last
    And sense of humour bypassed
    For those with rhyme and reason
    So in the spirit of the season
    Now the year is nearly done
    Merry Christmas everyone

    TIME FOR CHRISTMAS

    At last I have some time to spare
    No more work until the New Year
    It’s nearly Christmas so beware
    The weather's bitter so have a care
    Peace and goodwill and never fear
    A wish for one and all for the coming year

    HARBINGER OF YULE

    The advent calendars
    Are first to appear
    Heralding the headlong rush
    Toward Christmas cheer
    On trees baubles reflect
    Flickers of candle light
    From Novembers end
    Right up to twelfth night

    SUPERSTITIOUSLY WHITE CHRISTMAS

    If on Christmas day
    Snow fall is seen
    Then come Easter
    Everywhere be green

    FIRST CHRISTMAS

    It was just twelve months ago
    Since my special wish was made
    A wish you thought so simple
    For which a fortune I'd have paid
    And now it's our first Christmas
    In our first little house
    But I hope the first of many
    With my beautiful new spouse
    This year my wish is simpler still
    On this Christmas day with you
    May our hearts be always filled with love
    And the stockings be filled with you

    THE NOT SO GREAT WAR

    “Your country needs you,” said Kitchener
    You’re needed to fight them over there
    “It will be over by Christmas,” they said
    But it was just getting started instead
    In the cold trenches on Christmas morn
    The guns remained silent after the dawn
    Soon forgetting the horrendous conditions
    Men began emerging from their positions
    The opposing soldiers met in no mans land
    Then smiled and shook their enemies hand
    Briefly at peace both sides felt regrets
    Then they exchanged gifts of cigarettes
    A day without a single shot fired at all
    They even got to play a game of football
    Sadly the men returned their own way
    They began killing again on Boxing day

    DOB?

    In Rome a monk living about 530 ad
    A mathematician and an astronomer
    Was given the task of calculating
    And reforming the Christian calendar
    In essence to pin point with all precision
    The date of Jesus Christ’s birth exactly
    A miscalculation was discovered later
    He was four years out unfortunately
    Christ was born on January the sixth
    According to the scholarly Egyptians
    The date of Christ’s death was thought
    More important to the early Christians
    Rome selected Christ’s birth date to be
    On the twenty fifth day of December
    To coincide with the old pagan festivals
    Like that of Mithras and Saturnalia
    The sixth of January is Christmas day
    For the apostolic church from Armenia
    But its the following day that’s Special
    For the Orthodox Church of Russia

  5. #5
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    Christmas Poems # 3

    Christmas Poems # 3

    MARTIN LUTHER BLING

    There is a legend suggesting that Martin Luther
    Who was a sixteenth century religious reformer
    And founder of the Protestant church in Germany
    Was the first to put candles onto a Christmas tree
    It’s said he was walking home one winter’s night
    When he noticed the stars were shinning bright
    And through the tree’s he saw the twinkling light
    And he was so impressed by this majestic sight
    When he returned home he set up his Christmas tree
    Decorating it with lighted candles for all to see

    GREETINGS TO THE WORLD

    “Happy Christmas” is what I chose to say
    But many greetings are used for the day
    To one and all during the festive season
    And different languages are the reason
    Say "Frolyke Kerstfeest" or "Joyoo Noel"
    "Felleeth Navidad" even "Glaydlig Yool"
    "Kalla Kristoogenna", "Boo-on Natarlee"
    "Boas Festas" or "Sheng Dan Kwhy Lee"
    You could say "Frerlicker Vine-akten"
    Or maybe "Roshdesrom Kristovim" then
    So you can say it in very many ways
    But please never say “Happy Holidays”

    A SAINT IS FOR LIFE NOT JUST FOR CHRISTMAS

    Often the true meaning of Christmas passes us by
    The night the holy star appeared bright in the sky
    Christmas celebrates the birth of Christ the savior
    But others are also remembered at this time of year
    St Lucia’s day is on the thirteenth day of December
    In fourth century Sicily Lucia was a virgin martyr
    Lucia means “light” very apt for a Christmas saint
    She is also called upon to cure any eye complaint
    St Thomas’s day is on the twenty first of December
    The shortest and darkest day in our modern calendar
    Traditionally the poor would all go out “thomasing”
    For wheat flour and other Christmas “goodening”
    Not the first saint you’d associate with Christmas
    He is perhaps better known as “doubting Thomas”
    Because he at first questioned Christ’s resurrection
    He is patron saint of the carpenter and stone mason
    On the twenty-six of the month St Stephens day falls
    Boxing Day or the feast of Stephen in hallowed halls
    Chosen by the disciples to help spread Christianity
    He was put to death by the zealots for his profanity
    The most famous Christmas time saint of all must be
    St Nicholas the Bishop of Myra now a part of Turkey
    He was a very shy man and the kindest man to know
    When he threw coins through a poor family’s window
    They landed in a stocking hanging over the fire to dry
    So that’s where it all began if you ever wondered why



    SATAN RULES KO

    If you’re a worshiper of Satan
    And you suffer from Dyslexia
    Take care before you commit
    You may sell your soul to Santa

    FATHER AND CHRISTMAS

    What do a Christmas tree
    And a priest have in comparison?
    The answer is simple to see
    Their balls are just for decoration

    THE HONEST SANTA FAIRY

    A sorry old drunk is walking
    Down the street one morning
    Together with Santa Claus
    The tooth fairy and of course
    Honest John the Solicitor
    When suddenly on their tour
    At the very same moment
    They spot on the pavement
    Someone’s discarded wallet
    So who was it who got it?
    The old drunk obviously
    Because all of the other three
    Only exist in mythology

    ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS # 1

    Well I only got a sweater for Christmas
    Not the best thing to get for a dreamer
    Because I got a sweater for Christmas
    When I wanted a moaner or a screamer

    HAPPY CHRISTMAS AUNTIE PEGGY

    For Christmas I bought my Auntie
    A brand new wooden leg
    I didn’t have it specially made
    No I just got it off the peg
    You may say it’s not a nice gift
    Or even that it’s a killer
    It wasn’t her main present though
    It was just a stocking filler

    NICE

    Making your way in life, it’s nice
    To know you can, once or twice
    Rely on other people in a trice
    For assistance, guidance or advice

    They’ll be no shortage of advice
    But knowing what piece or slice
    Of advice or guidance will suffice
    You might just as well roll a dice

    This axiom though it be concise
    Won’t be bettered to be precise
    So you take heed or pay the price
    “Don’t eat yellow snow or ice”

    EMPTYING SANTA’S SACK

    One Christmas Eve on a roof top up on high
    A poor soul stands shouting up at the sky
    He has lost his job and his wife has left him
    And the size of his overdraft is quite grim
    Finishing his rant to god he shuts his eyes
    Then he leaves a note saying his good-byes
    He walks up to the edge ready to jump off
    He stops when behind him he hears a cough
    Father Christmas asks him "are you ok?"
    And the man tells him the details of his day
    He again walks to the edge of the rooftop
    Then Father Christmas shouts, "please stop!"
    “It’s Christmas so I’ll give three gifts to you
    And I will have a small task for you to do”
    Santa Claus says, “let me help you please”
    The poor man is in such despair so he agrees
    "That would be wonderful thanks,” he said
    Father Christmas told him what was ahead
    Firstly go home to your wife who is there
    Waiting dressed in her sexiest underwear
    Longing for you and begging forgiveness
    She wants only you and your fond caress
    And as for the recent loss of her affection
    She will have absolutely no recollection
    Secondly go into work after the holiday
    Sit at your desk and work the same way
    Your salary will have been well increased
    Nobody remembers your employment ceased
    Thirdly when you check your bank account
    And you will be in credit by a large amount
    The man is thrilled "oh thank you, thank you!"
    Then said, “what is it that you want me to do?"
    “Drop your trousers and then bend down”
    The man is unsure agrees but wears a frown
    Santa Claus gave him a brutal buggering
    Leaving the poor man with eyes watering
    Afterwards Santa asked, “how old are you?”
    The man replied “actually I’m forty two”
    “Your too old to believe in me by quite a bit”
    Said the fat gay bloke in the Santa outfit

  6. #6
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    Christmas Poems # 4

    Christmas Poems # 4


    FALL OF THE SNOWMAN

    Here is a thought of little worth
    Snowmen start their fall to earth
    From Heaven above unassembled
    And like a snow globe it resembled
    But if a snowman were then desired
    Some assembly would be required

    HAPPY STRESSLESS

    A good friend of mine
    Does his Christmas shopping
    In less than two hours
    With decs for party popping
    And Gifts for twenty five
    Friends and family
    All on Christmas Eve
    Including a six foot tree

    IT’S CHRISTMAS

    People have been discovering
    On a Christmas Morning
    That the curse of Christmas
    That’s causing the most fuss
    Has been unanimously concluded
    To be “Batteries not included”

    HOOK

    There is something puzzling me
    As it doesn’t say in the book
    Before his hand was taken
    What did they call captain hook

    It’s a difficult one to answer
    Maybe he was evil captain fist
    Or was he called captain two hands
    Not really a very menacing list

    And was it simply irony, mere chance
    Or was his accident planned
    For if not for the crocodile
    He would have remained a deck hand

    COOL YULE By Sam Curtis

    Last day of school,
    Kids say “that’s cool”
    Angel’s wings
    Shepherd brings
    Presents for Jesus
    Rudolf sneezes
    Everything is frosting over
    Even my car made by “Rover”
    Reindeer fly
    But I can’t fly
    But I have cream on my
    Hot mince pie
    But I still get a lift
    When I get a gift

    WHO’S THE NEW GUY?

    A tenth reindeer flew in Santa’s team
    One unknown pulling Santa’s sleigh
    We know the names of nine of them
    Including Rudolf leading the way
    So who was the mystery number ten?
    Twas Rudolf the brown nosed reindeer
    Flew behind his red nosed brother
    But he couldn’t stop as quick I fear

    A HAND FOR SANTA

    On Christmas Eve
    Don’t lay awake in bed
    All you naughty girls
    Blonde, brunette or red
    For instead of presents
    You may get a shock instead
    You may catch Santa
    Dressed in his suit of red
    Emptying his sack
    At the end of your bed

    CHIMNEY NOOK

    The next time you complain
    At the lack of Christmas nookey
    Spare a thought for old St Nick
    And have a little sympathy
    For he only comes but once a year
    And then he’s up a chimney

    ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS # 2

    I don’t want a present
    That’s very practical
    Or a gift home made
    Or something musical
    Something for wearing
    Thoughtful or twee
    Things for the garden
    Or things fragrant or smelly
    Nothing expensive when
    The value is shocking
    I just want something shapely
    In a Christmas stocking

    OH NO HE ISN’T

    My great uncle John was an actor on the stage
    Who was best known as a pantomime dame
    Famous for his ugly sister and widow twanky
    But not anymore which is a great shame

    He has gone to that great pantomime in the sky
    No longer will he don grease paint and his regalia
    I will still see him though from time to time
    Because he’s not dead he’s just working for Ryan air

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    Christmas Poems # 5

    Christmas Poems # 5

    THREE WISE ONES

    The three wise men
    Traveled for days before reaching Bethlehem
    And arrived after the birth
    They stood and viewed the scene in awe
    And knelt reverently in the lords presence
    Then gave their gifts of Gold, Frankincense and Myrrh

    The three wise women
    Would have stopped to ask directions
    And arrived before the birth
    They would have delivered the baby
    Then they would have cleaned the stable and cooked a meal
    Before giving the baby really useful gifts

    CHRISTMAS ALPHABET

    Angels from on high
    Behold we bring news
    Christ is coming
    Do not be afraid
    Emmanuel is coming
    Follow yonder star
    Go to Bethlehem
    Hosanna God be praised

    In the town of Bethlehem
    Jesus was born
    Kneeling shepherds before him
    Lowing beasts in attendance
    Magi from the east
    Noel, noel, noel

    On the first morning
    Peace came to the world
    Quelling fear and pain
    Rekindling the light
    Saviour son of God
    The prince of peace was born
    Uniting the world

    Verily the most
    Wondrous of times
    Xmas festival of love
    Yule tide of good will
    Zion brought to earth


    A CHRISTMAS WISH

    On a Christmas Eve at midnight
    When I got into bed
    I lay upon my pillow
    And there beside my head
    Was Santa with his trousers off
    And this is what he said
    Happy Christmas little girl
    I’ve unwrapped this gift for you
    So take this gift with pleasure
    To make your wish come true
    Because Santa comes but once a year
    And tonight he comes with you

    A GIFT FOR MARIA

    A young man called Paul
    Wanted to buy a present
    For his new sweetheart Maria
    As a Christmas present

    As they’d not been dating
    For a very long duration
    He decided to purchase
    After careful consideration
    A nice pair of gloves
    striking the right note
    Not too romantic or personal
    So the gloves got his vote

    Accompanied by Maria’s sister
    He went to Harrods and bought
    A dainty pair of white gloves
    “She will like these” he thought

    Maria’s sister Susan bought
    A pair of panties for herself
    But during the wrapping
    An error was made on the shelf

    The assistant mixed up
    The gloves and the panties
    The sister got the gloves
    And Maria got the scanties

    Without checking Paul sealed
    The package along with a note
    And sent it to his sweetheart
    And this is what he wrote

    Dear Maria, I chose these
    As I noticed my darling
    That you don’t wear any
    When we go out in the evening.

    If not for your sister Susan
    I would have got long ones
    The type with the buttons,
    But Susan wears short ones
    That are easier to remove.
    They are a delicate shade,
    But the shop assistant
    where the purchase was made
    Showed me the pair she has
    That she’d been wearing
    and were hardly soiled
    After three weeks wearing
    I had her try yours on for me
    And she looked really chic
    Even though they were
    Tight on her a little bit.

    She told me that her pair
    Helps to keep her ring
    Clean and shiny, and in fact
    And this is interesting
    Since she’d begun wearing them.
    It hadn’t needed washing

    I really hope you like them
    And wish I were there with you
    To put them on you Maria
    for the first time I really do

    As no doubt many other hands
    Will have touched them
    Before I see you again
    Remember when you remove them
    To blow into them before
    Putting them away and drying
    As they will naturally be
    A little damp from wearing

    Just think how many times
    My lips will kiss them
    during the coming year.
    I hope you will wear them
    For me on Friday night
    All my love Paul till then

    P.S. The latest style
    Which appears to be growing
    Is to wear them folded down
    With a little fur showing

    CHRISTMAS SHOPPING

    It was Christmas Eve closing time, nearly
    Where a last minute shopper, frustrated clearly
    Was rummaging through the freezer cabinet
    At her nearest out of town super market
    Desperately searching for a frozen turkey
    And couldn't find one big enough for her family
    Then she saw a young shop assistant pass by
    And decided that she would give him a try
    "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" she said
    Puzzled he replied "No madam, they're dead."

    THE SANTA CLAUSE

    When I was a child
    I believed in Santa Claus
    When I got older
    I didn’t believe in Santa Claus
    When I became a parent
    I was Santa Claus
    Now I have grandchildren
    I look like Santa Claus

    KIDS DON’T UNDERSTAND CHRISTMAS

    All children think
    Christmas just happens
    But parents work tirelessly
    To bring it about
    Months in the planning
    Putting things away
    Things to add to a special day
    Shopping and wrapping
    Dressing and decking
    Super market shopping
    The prices heart stopping
    Journeying from shop to shop
    For the latest must have toy
    All made worth while
    To see a face lit with joy

    CHRISTMAS SHOCKING

    Well worn festive tunes
    Blare out
    Hapless faces
    Stare out
    Faces strained
    Bemused, Confused
    Lists gripped tight
    Pens ticking or deleting
    Then onward
    Loaded trolleys
    Wildly steering
    Zig zagging
    Aisle to aisle
    Every item
    Must be had
    Gin for her
    Beer for dad
    Chocs and cakes
    Chops and steaks
    Turkey, stuffing
    Nuts and fruit
    Frozen this
    Prepacked that
    Pop and juice
    Something’s loose
    Everything ticked
    On the tight gripped list
    Nothing missed
    Merry Christmas wished
    Hundreds of pounds
    Of Christmas bought
    The festivities can begin
    Relax in the knowledge
    The shops will only be shut
    For twenty four hours

    JUST ANOTHER DAY AT THE OFFICE

    Christmas at the office
    Is just like any other day
    Let’s face of it
    You end up doing all the work
    And the fat guy in the suit
    Gets all the credit

    CHRISTMAS WITH THE BROWNS

    Every Christmas day is the same
    The Browns come round for lunch
    I dread the time as it approaches
    There a bloody awful bunch
    He’s an opinionated git
    She’s a loudmouthed fishwife
    Their kids run amuck unchecked
    Causing trouble and strife
    They drink all my booze
    And eat every crumb of food
    They’re uncouth and vulgar
    Obnoxious and just plain rude
    They are a truly horrible family
    I wish I could show them the door
    They have no redeeming features
    God I hate my brother in law

    CHRISTMAS CHEER

    I went to the pub with my brother
    For a Christmas, lunchtime drink
    While my wife cooked the dinner
    And washed up at the sink
    We got thrown out at 4 o’clock
    Full of Christmas cheer and gin
    We got home ready for Christmas lunch
    And found it in the bin

    CHRISTMAS POST

    Mildred went to the post office
    To buy stamps for her Christmas cards
    “What denomination do you want?”
    She was asked by Mr Everard
    “That’s political correctness gone mad,
    Has it come to this?” said she
    “You’d better give me a book of Catholic
    And a book of C of E”

    SHOP EARLY FOR CHRISTMAS

    It was Christmas eve at the magistrates court
    And the Magistrate was in charitable mood
    And In keeping with the season
    Was inclined to show a little latitude
    "Now then, what is the charge against you?"
    He asked the unfortunate prisoner
    The man in the dock replied
    "I was caught Christmas shopping very early sir"
    "That doesn't seem like an offence to me.
    What do you mean by “very early” man”?
    "Well, your Honour." said the defendant,
    "It was an hour before the shop was open."

    CHRISTMAS SERVICE

    It was a bitterly cold and bleak Christmas morn
    And had been snowing heavily since before the dawn
    And for the morning service the waiting minister
    Was eventually joined by just one solitary farmer
    The clergyman said “Well even though it’s Christmas day
    I don’t suppose there's no point in having a service today.”
    The farmer replied “Well that's not quite how I see it.
    If only one cow turns up at feeding time, I still feed it.”

    OH WHAT A LOVELY GIFT

    My mum got me a jumper
    That fits what it touched
    My sister got me novelty socks
    That didn’t cost very much
    My dad got me a Philishave
    To shave between my spots
    My Nan got me a scarf
    And a box of jelly tots
    But it’s the identity
    That I would like to know
    Of who got me the condoms
    Tied up with a bow

  8. #8
    solid motherhubbard's Avatar
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    you have so much here that I really can't comment on it all. I wonder what you'll write about new years, valentines day and groundhog day- I look forward to reading more of your poems. I’ve had squash plants less prolific than you!

  9. #9
    Registered User Biggus's Avatar
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    Thank you

  10. #10
    Registered User Biggus's Avatar
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    CHRISTMAS CANDLE

    Candle light of beauty
    Adorning church and alter
    None excluded from Christ’s love
    Darkness brightly conquered
    Light of Christ illuminating
    Everlasting light of life

  11. #11
    Registered User
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    Well, it's getting close to Christmas time again. Each year it seems like Christmas sneaks up faster than it did the year before. Although the saying is usually true that "Christmas is the most wonderful time of the year", for many of us it is also the most costly.
    As we all know, this can be an extremely stressful time. If you are one of those scraping by each month just to pay your bills, the added pressure to earn extra money for Christmas can be a little much to handle.
    Making extra money is something a lot of us are worried about this time of year. With a combination of the economy, and job instability... you may be among the many searching for ways to make money this holiday season.
    christmas gifts for men, http://christmasmoney.net

  12. #12
    Registered User
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    Quote Originally Posted by porisna View Post
    With a combination of the economy, and job instability... you may be among the many searching for ways to make money this holiday season.
    Classy bit of hi-jacking and self-advertising there porisna. You obviously miss the point of this forum, or you're too thick-skinned to care.

    H

  13. #13

  14. #14
    Registered User
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    True... but I smell a rat.

    Also it's depressing to be reminded of Christmas when we're barely in October, don't you think? :-)

    H

  15. #15

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