Respect

[Pendragon]

I want honest opinions here, please, and anyone is welcome to reply.

Is respect something that you should give people arbitrarily?

Is respect something to which you don't have a right, but you must earn?

To gain respect must you also give respect?

How far does disrespect go before it becomes wrong? I mean, you cannot agree with nor respect everyone. So do you have the right to dis them? Or should it just be a statement like: "i think that is totally wrong. End of argument."?

Take your time with replies and think it over.

God Bless

Pen

[JBI]

I think there are two schools -

respect everyone you meet until they lose your respect,

or, respect no one until they earn your respect.

I think I fall into the latter group, but that is generally, I would think, the more frowned upon approach.

As for disrespect, if someone annoys me, I merely will contradict everything they say in a conversation, and make them look like an idiot, until they get fed up and stop talking. It usually works, as people don't seem to know how to argue.

[DapperDrake]

Well this is how I approach others in terms of respect:

Firstly I believe that all human beings deserve a certain minimum level of respect, we are all brothers and sisters and we are not so unalike as we would sometimes like to think.

Secondly I afford a person I've just met more than that minimum respect, and that amount is universal to any person no matter who or what they may be (at least this is what I aim for, not claiming I always achieve that ).

Thirdly from there that person can either lose or gain amounts of respect from me depending on my impressions of them but the level of respect won't fall below the minimum I set above.

Often we judge others and give them more or less respect based on very tiny amounts of interaction we have with them, we really can't know them or know why they are behaving the way they are - that is to say we can't necessarily sympathise as well as we might if we knew them more intimately. It's too easy and always unhelpful to dismiss people with contempt based on not very much.

How far does disrespect go before it becomes wrong? I mean, you cannot agree with nor respect everyone. So do you have the right to dis them? Or should it just be a statement like: "i think that is totally wrong. End of argument."?

Well I think you can contradict someone without disrespecting them, and argument/discussion needn't be personal.

[hoope]

Is respect something that you should give people arbitrarily?

Is respect something to which you don't have a right, but you must earn?

To gain respect must you also give respect?

We are all equal in the eye of God.. no one is different which means no one has the right to humiliate or disrespect others in any way....

You can gain people's respect by your personality, by your identity , your kindness , your caring , your thoughts .. how you treat others; including if you respect them you'll inturn get that respect back.

Giving respect is not must as much as it is a strong humane feeling that tells us to do it.. not with hatenor force but with love , coz we usually respect those whom we like ... ( not always) but sometimes we respect them coz we admire their intelligence or their hardworking......etc.

[Petronius]

I see respect as something solid and important, so I don't give it at all lightly. It's not, however, a matter of time or passing some secret test, but more like a distinctive process for each individual, and although some traits are prevalent, I always enjoy finding new reasons to respect someone.

I don't expect to earn someone else's respect lightly myself, and sometimes I don't feel it is necessary to have it at all. If I do not respect someone, I take it as natural that they don't respect me either, and it does not bother me if circumstances make that someone I hold respect for is ignorant or doubtful of myself.

Expectations of reciprocated respect put me in an awkward position especially when I am in strong disagreement with that person, because if someone doesn't know me and/or thinks I'm wrong on some basic levels I would see their claim as false or shallow, and their demand as presumptious, arrogant and whiny, which would exponentially reduce the chances of me appreciating them.

That being said, I can respect someone who has different views than me, and greatly enjoy it, as long as our differences are placed in a realm of pure subjectivism. That does not mean I would not tease them about our different views, and said person should have a sense of humour in order to not be accidentally offended.
Simple acceptance is what I usually grant and expect from everyone, but I think it's different from respect.

I consider "disrespectful" words to be perfectly viable in a conversation, and sometimes necessary in order to express the true vigour of your position. I am dismayed when people find them unpalatable, as they are in most cases dipped in harmless irony and even self-irony. I don't mean them as directly offensive and I don't view them as a sign of disrespect - sometimes, they can even be sign of acceptance - but I do tend to make best use of all available vocabulary when I feel it is needed. For example, when I claim a certain point of view as idiotic, or retarted, I express an adamant position against it that in my view needs no explanation. Sometimes, such expression are a sign of frustration, but I take it as granted that it is a perspective I hold, not a judgement on whoever defends that point. It would, in any case, be irrelevant, as intelligence and stupidity are measured on numerous planes for a single individual, and each of us can be either or both depending on the angle.

Hope this helps.

[Virgil]

We are all equal in the eye of God.. no one is different which means no one has the right to humiliate or disrespect others in any way....

You can gain people's respect by your personality, by your identity , your kindness , your caring , your thoughts .. how you treat others; including if you respect them you'll inturn get that respect back.

Giving respect is not must as much as it is a strong humane feeling that tells us to do it.. not with hatenor force but with love , coz we usually respect those whom we like ... ( not always) but sometimes we respect them coz we admire their intelligence or their hardworking......etc.

I think there are two schools -

respect everyone you meet until they lose your respect,

or, respect no one until they earn your respect.

I think I fall into the latter group, but that is generally, I would think, the more frowned upon approach.

As for disrespect, if someone annoys me, I merely will contradict everything they say in a conversation, and make them look like an idiot, until they get fed up and stop talking. It usually works, as people don't seem to know how to argue.

You both said things I would have said. Everyone is entitled to the respect of a decent person unless he/she otherwise proves they are not. That said there are levels above that bottom line level that one earns. For instance, I know this has become a bit of a cliche but it's a good signifyer of what I mean, Mother Theresa. She obviously has earned a great deal of my respect. Another example might be someone who risks his life, or more specifically someone who has risked his life.

So to use JBI's matrix, I lean to the former (give everyone respect until proven otherwise) for the basic level of respect and I allow others the possibility of earning greater respect than that.

[papayahed]

What exactly is meant as respect? I was about to answer but my answer is more geared to how I treat people. I know several people who are miserable human beings, but that's no reason for me to treat them any differently then other people I respect.

[Jozanny]

I will join in to say I have little patience with humanity, unless otherwise indicated, and my respect tends to be earned by people who have accomplished what I should have been able to accomplish, but haven't, mainly because I am the center of my own attention; in my thirties this landed me not a little trouble in online communities, but this trouble is symptomatic of my real world attitude. I rather share Flaubert's reductionist tendency toward the human animal: We ultimately liquify and turn into goo, despite the mental capacity to see perfection as a construct. There is no such design, despite our ability to conceive and desire it. Indeed, part of the attraction to Barack Obama is the absence of bodily fluids on his person. He is nearly perfectly carmel cool, which may give Michelle a case of nerves now and then, since women like me can get a little buttery about getting a taste of that slick and polish, but it is an illusion, carefully crafted by a brilliant tactician.

The only thing that might have made me happy in my earlier life, perhaps, would have been the ability to master that appearance of reticence and containment, if only to snatch a prince, but it is safe to say I blew that game a long time ago, and all I have left is a broken body where the goal is to minimize its loss of control for as long as possible, and to finish what I might yet finish as a writer, even to use the scatological as a pushback, when necessary.

[Cellar Door]

I respect all living things, people, animals, plants, etc. on a very basic level in that they are alive, however, a truer respect one must earn from me. I will not consciously disrespect someone for any reason, but will voice my displeasures about anothers actions when appropriate. To me, anything more than basic respect must be earned. I give it freely to no one.

[Pendragon]

I still tend toward respect is earned or lost by the behavior of the person in question. Honest answers on any subject will overcome prejudice in 90% of cases.

People are often unwilling here on this particular forum to give answers of their own, untainted by other's opinions of what is right and wrong. I would rather give an honest answer and be thought wrong or even criticized ( even publicly, as it is easy enough to talk behind a person's back) than to give the false impression that I and I alone know what is correct.

Often the religious feel that they let God down by being honest about doubts and the irreligious worry about what others might think or say. The bottom line is that we are all individuals, and can think for ourselves if we wish.

I respect many on this forum who have ideas directly opposite of my own, or who practice things I feel to be wrong. I am honest with them and they with me. This is essential to mutual respect. I nor they will back down on our beliefs but we would befriend and aid the other in any way.

I had to earn people's respect and others earn mine.

God Bless

Pen

[Jozanny]

People are often unwilling here on this particular forum to give answers of their own, untainted by other's opinions of what is right and wrong. I would rather give an honest answer and be thought wrong or even criticized ( even publicly, as it is easy enough to talk behind a person's back) than to give the false impression that I and I alone know what is correct.

Part of that unwillingness may be the nature of the beast Pen, since we are typing at each other on computers or other devices that support the web, otherwise sight unseen. I also think your desire for *honest answers* places demands on others which may be unfair. There are degrees to things, after all. Do I respect believers in a categorical sense? No, but in real life I don't particularly concern myself with the religious practices of the security guard walking the hallway who stops and asks if she can move my heavy Musil bookset I use to cover a dry wall hole. Do I respect the security guard herself? Depends on the context in which I'm asked to provide it--but in an immediate, impressionary sense, no.

Do I respect the believers in Religious Texts? Again, it depends on the context, but not generally when it involves proselytizing to the exclusion of anything else. Using myself as an example, yes, I'm an atheist, but I am also an American Roman Catholic, culturally, and a cripple, disability reporter, poet, advocate, sometimes tutor, former case manager. I don't define myself through lack of belief, or even my opposition to Christians, in the categorical sense.

[Nightshade]

What exactly is meant as respect? I was about to answer but my answer is more geared to how I treat people. I know several people who are miserable human beings, but that's no reason for me to treat them any differently then other people I respect.

As usual you beat me to what I was going to say! well sort of. First off good question pen, but paya does have a point, what does respect actually mean? Its a bit of what my mum would call a namby-pamby, airy-fairy, touchy-feely word with no real meaning, we are always hearing about respect nowadays, but at the same time noone goes into what t means.

Im going to mull over this while Im offline today and decide what I think when I get back. But my instant reaction is this You dont necessarily have to respect everyone you meet but you should treat them with respect, personal opinions aside.

[Bitterfly]

What exactly is meant as respect? I was about to answer but my answer is more geared to how I treat people. I know several people who are miserable human beings, but that's no reason for me to treat them any differently then other people I respect.

Respect literally means to look back at people - I understand that as acknowledging other people's existence and humanity by looking at them, by not ignoring their presence (actually, in an almost Sartrian way, if I'm not misconstruing him).

In practice,for me, that means speaking to anyone, regardless of sex, age or origin. Afterwards, some people might lose my respect, if I find them silly, or narrow-minded. But usually I won't treat them badly, I will just ignore them (ie not respect them anymore).

Therefore you can argue with someone you disagree with without lacking respect, as long as you acknowledge that they're human beings as well, and not inferior to you in essence. Lack of respect, in this context, means ignoring someone's words, pretending they don't exist, or failing to notice they do. And that actually happens a lot!!

[Pendragon]

Respect: esteem for or a sense of the worth or excellence of a person, a personal quality or ability, or something considered as a manifestation of a personal quality or ability:

deference to a right, privilege, privileged position, or someone or something considered to have certain rights or privileges; proper acceptance or courtesy; acknowledgment:

the condition of being esteemed or honored:

These are the major definitions of respect as I intend the word to be used. Sorry for being unclear.

Courtesy and friendship are the major things I'm getting at here. Can we be at lease courteous to people with whom we disagree? Can we still find a bond of friendship? I believe we can look beyond differences and have relationships, friendships, and respect.

But not everyone will allow this, and discourtesy fills no cracks in the wall of human existence. Isolationism doesn't work. We receive what we give, and this is how respect passes on between people.

[absurda]

Well, in order to be as honest as possible, let me start from the result, and then try and come to a rule or a pattern.

People I don't respect:
My psycho-ex-boyfriend, who would have hit me had I not broken up with him; my ex-best-friend from high school, who used to say horrible things about me behind my back; an ex-college-classmate, the most selfish person I have ever met; my ex-teacher, who used to check out the female students' behinds during class. I can't say I don't respect all religious people, because I don't actually disrespect more than half of the world's population. Almost everyone I know has a religious belief, and I respect most of them. Some people I respect more than others, because I find them inspiring in some way, like my parents who had to overcome prejudice and poverty to give me and my brother the best education possible. Or in the case of my boss, I don't care for his managing style, cuz he doesn't delegate, but I do respect him for his honesty.

Conclusion: I respect everyone to a certain level, until they do something that makes that level of respect increase or decrease. And I think that's fair, cause I don't pre-judge anyone, since everyone is initially somewhat "neutral" to me. I think that to get respect, you should give respect, but that doesn't mean that if you give respect, you will certainly be respected.