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Thread: Pulling Petals in a Garden of Misgivings

  1. 09-24-2008, 06:39 PM #1
    Xillus_Xavier
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    Plucking Petals in a Garden of Misgivings

    Plucking Petals in a Garden of Misgivings

    Love is a garden.
    But not every bloom is beautiful.
    Late last night my sweetheart sowed
    a sinister seed from far away; somewhere
    she wasn't supposed to be.

    Fertilized by her slurred-filled call,
    the gut-gnashing phrase he's just a friend,
    and nourished further by the sight of her driveway -
    empty at six a.m. this morning -
    the seed has blossomed thoughts of the worst,
    their vine-like stems strangling my sanity,
    the endless doubts like petals of paranoia.

    Pluck!
    She's cheating!

    Pluck!
    She's not.

    Pluck!
    I know she's cheating!
    Pluck!
    Everything is fine.

    Pluck!
    Pluck!
    Pluck!
    Pluck!

    So go the sounds of that prelude the fall -
    the forthcoming of a killing freeze.
    Last edited by Xillus_Xavier; 09-25-2008 at 05:52 PM.
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  2. 09-25-2008, 11:18 PM #2
    Dark Muse
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    This reminded me of Blake's Poision Tree. I really liked it. The emotion was very strongly felt.

    Pluck!
    She's cheating!

    Pluck!
    She's not.

    Pluck!
    I know she's cheating!
    Pluck!
    Everything is fine.

    Pluck!
    Pluck!
    Pluck!
    Pluck!
    This gave the poem a great effect, you could feel the tension and growing anger with each pluck.

    Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before. ~ Edgar Allan Poe
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  3. 09-26-2008, 01:07 AM #3
    eyemaker
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    The emotions are emphasized very well, very realistic and powerful..Nice job!

    "The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in mind at the same time and still retain the ability to function. One should, for example, be able to see that things are hopeless and yet be determined to make them otherwise."
    -- F. Scott Fitzgerald
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  4. 09-27-2008, 01:36 AM #4
    thegitksan
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    You ended on the pluck for "everything is fine", but the poem leaves me feeling like the question is still not really resolved. That last series of pluck, pluck, pluck, pluck feels like it could go on longer, if only the hapless flower had more petals.

    Nice twist on an old custom.
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