i had a good laugh with this
i had a good laugh with this
A really good one!
The secret to a long Italian marriage
At Saint Mary's Catholic Church they have a weekly
husband's marriage seminar. At one session, the Priest
asked Luigi, who was approaching his 50th wedding
anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some
insight into how he had managed to stay married to the
same woman all these years.
Luigi replied to the assembled husbands, 'Well, I've
tried to treat her nice, spend money on her, but best
of all is that I took-a her to Italy for the 20th
anniversary!'
The Priest responded, 'Luigi, you are an amazing
inspiration to all the husbands here! Please tell us
what you are planning for your wife for
your 50th anniversary.'
Luigi proudly replied, 'I'm a-gonna go and get her.'
LET THERE BE LIGHT
"Love follows knowledge." – St. Catherine of Siena
My literature blog: http://ashesfromburntroses.blogspot.com/
Brilliant! And in a somewhat similar vein:Originally Posted by Virgil
A husband and his wife had not been getting along sexually. On their next anniversary the husband presented his wife the gift of a tombstone with the inscription:
"Here lies my wife - cold as ever."
His wife immediately went out to get a present for him, which was also a tombstone, on which the inscription read:
"Here lies my husband - stiff at last."
A woman is visiting a funeral parlor where her husband is lying in his coffin. She views the body and compliments the mortician on the wonderful job he's done.
"It's fantastic," she says. "He looks so life like. There's only one thing. He's wearing a black suit. I've always thought blue looked better on him, could you possibly change it?"
She reaches into her purse and produces a blank cheque and hands it to the mortician. "I don't care what the cost is," she says, "but could you get it done?"
The next day she returns to the funeral parlor to see her husband in the coffin wearing a beautiful taylored blue suit.
"He looks wonderful," she says, "such a wonderful suit. How much did it cost?"
The mortician hands her back her cheque.
"Don't worry about it," he says, "another body came in yesterday and I switched the heads!"
"We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are." Anais Nin.
Glad you liked it. Now here's one from the female side of it:
Older women are so practical
>
> AFTER BEING MARRIED FOR 44 YEARS, I TOOK A CAREFUL LOOK AT MY WIFE ONE
> DAY AND SAID, "HONEY, 44 YEARS AGO WE HAD A CHEAP APARTMENT, A CHEAP
> CAR, SLEPT ON A SOFA BED AND WATCHED A 10-INCH BLACK AND WHITE TV, BUT
> I GOT TO SLEEP EVERY NIGHT WITH A HOT 25-YEAR-OLD GAL. NOW I HAVE A
> $500,000.00 HOME, A $45,000.00 CAR, NICE BIG BED AND PLASMA SCREEN TV,
> BUT I'M SLEEPING WITH A 65-YEAR-OLD WOMAN. IT SEEMS TO ME THAT YOU'RE
> NOT HOLDING UP YOUR SIDE OF THINGS." MY WIFE IS A VERY REASONABLE
> WOMAN.SHE TOLD ME TO GO OUT AND FIND A HOT 25-YEAR-OLD GAL, AND SHE
> WOULD MAKE SURE THAT I WOULD ONCE AGAIN BE LIVING IN A CHEAP
> APARTMENT, DRIVING A CHEAP CAR, SLEEPING ON A SOFA BED AND WATCHING A
> 10-INCH BLACK AND WHITE TV.
>
> AREN'T OLDER WOMEN GREAT? THEY REALLY KNOW HOW TO SOLVE YOUR MID-LIFE
> CRISES
LET THERE BE LIGHT
"Love follows knowledge." – St. Catherine of Siena
My literature blog: http://ashesfromburntroses.blogspot.com/
The jokes from Prince and Zippy remind me of an old one
the late Henny Youngman used to tell:
"My wife asked me, 'Dear, when you die do you want to be buried or cremated?' So I said, 'Surprise me!' "
Three snails are moving at the tramlines. First shout: I see a train! krak (he has been run over by the train) Second: Where? krak Third: Here! krak
-The devil can cite Scripture for his purpose.
--------William Shakespeare
-The god's paths are wayward.
- My english is bad and I know it. Sorry.
Last night I lay in bed, I was gazing up and the mystical stars, scattered across the blue midnight sky like diamonds...
I wondered: where the hell is my ceiling!?
"Then I feel, Harry, that I have given away my whole soul to someone who treats it as if it were a flower to put in his coat, a bit of decoration to charm his vanity, an ornament for a summer's day"
Oscar Wilde [The Picture of Dorian Gray]
THE LAWYER AND THE BLONDE
A lawyer and a blonde woman are sitting next to each other on a long flight. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game. The
blonde is tired and just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and tries to catch a few winks.
The lawyer persists, saying that the game is a lot of fun. "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5; you ask me one, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500."
This catches the blonde's attention; and, to keep him quiet, she agrees to play the game. The lawyer asks the first question. "What's
the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.
Now, it's the blonde's turn. She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?"
The lawyer uses his laptop, searches all references. He uses the Air phone; he searches the Net and even the Library of Congress. He sends
e-mails to all the smart friends he knows, all to no avail.
After one hour of searching he finally gives up. He wakes up the blonde and hands her $500. The blonde takes the $500 and goes back to
sleep.
The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer. He wakes her up and asks, "Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down
with four?"
The blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5 and goes back to sleep.
LET THERE BE LIGHT
"Love follows knowledge." – St. Catherine of Siena
My literature blog: http://ashesfromburntroses.blogspot.com/
in order to understand this one, you must know that in Italy Genoeses are thought to be a little churlish...
One evening a Genoese and a priest go and have dinner together at a fancy restaurant. When the bill comes, the Genoese says, in a faint voice: "I pay!".
The next morning, on the newspaper: " ventriloquist priest found dead. The police is looking for the murderer"
Here's a one-question IQ Test to help you decide how you should spend the rest of your day......
There is a mute who wants to buy a toothbrush.
By imitating the action of brushing one's teeth, he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done.
Now, if there is a blind man who wishes to buy a pair of sunglasses, how should he express himself?
Think about it first before scrolling down for the answer...
He opens his mouth and says. "I would like to buy a pair of Sunglasses." If you got this wrong, please turn off your computer and call it a day.
LET THERE BE LIGHT
"Love follows knowledge." – St. Catherine of Siena
My literature blog: http://ashesfromburntroses.blogspot.com/
I actually thought about this for a while and STILL got it wrong! I am a genius!
I did too when I first saw it. I was trying to create circles with my fingers and put them over my eyes.
LET THERE BE LIGHT
"Love follows knowledge." – St. Catherine of Siena
My literature blog: http://ashesfromburntroses.blogspot.com/
Yeah that was the type of thing I was trying, and the actual motion of putting them onI did too when I first saw it. I was trying to create circles with my fingers and put them over my eyes.
Oh Niamh has got to see this!
.
...the smell of flowers through metal labyrinths.
Posting Permissions
Reply With Quote
