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Thread: Snapshots

  1. #31
    Something's gotta give PrinceMyshkin's Avatar
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    Snapshots: V

    Entering the café I catch sight of a guy I know from another café. I catch sight of him just in time to pretend that I haven’t seen him. As inconspicuously as I can, I slither my way to my usual spot at the counter and seat myself, my back to his profile.

    Someone foisted him on me once on the grounds that he was Jewish and a writer and ever since then, whenever I was there and he arrived, he would seat himself at my table without asking if he could. But I found conversation with him so painful that eventually I stopped going there. He was one side or the other of forty but as far as I could tell, he had no job. As far as I could tell because, about his private life it was if he were the last, loyal member of a long disbanded Maoist party.

    He did refer once to the fact that he had done his MA in literature at McGill University. “What was your thesis topic?” I asked.

    “Do you know anything about Henry Roth?”

    Yes, I said and recited the main things I knew about him.

    “It wasn’t about him,” he answered. “How about Daniel Fuchs?”

    I’d heard the name but confessed that I knew nothing beyond that.

    “Oh,” he said, with a pleased smile.

    I’m uncomfortable sitting there, ignoring him, wondering if he’s caught sight of me after all. Eventually I become aware that he’s getting ready to leave and I watch to see in which direction he will go. He looks east, takes a step west, then alters direction and heads north. I feel as if, poor orphan of fate, he’s at the whim of the faintest of intentions.
    Last edited by PrinceMyshkin; 03-14-2008 at 07:49 AM. Reason: typo

  2. #32
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    That was good prose, Shou. I enjoy the way you write.

  3. #33
    The Ghost of Laszlo Jamf islandclimber's Avatar
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    [QUOTE=PrinceMyshkin;541855]Certainly I'm trying to purge myself of the didactic and I'd begun to worry that the conversational thing might be getting glib or even self-parodying but on the other hand there's a common ground on which conversation and poetry may be synonymous. That will happen sometimes when a speaker is passionate. He or she might lapse (or rise) into poetic cadences. It is so, too, I think, when one speaks plainly of some truth that is essential to one's being. QUOTE]

    I really enjoyed this group of poems... I wouldn't be too worried about the conversational thing, at least not here... It's what makes these as powerful as they are... and they are so much more than just that, or at least so I find... there is the way in which interaction and passion seem to come out of even the single lines by themselves, as though there are feelings hidden there, that have so many meanings... or so I felt in reading these...

    the outward facade of conversation doesn't obscure, it only serves to heighten the feeling and emotion, and the passion lingering in firelight behind each poem... I really like them...

    I also love the last line of your prose... "at the whim of the faintest of intentions"... it is just perfect...

    cheers

    cheers

  4. #34
    ღ Déjà vu ღ miss tenderness's Avatar
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    Oh , what a sad begining !
    so deep and evocative . I like the way you expressed what happened . Few lines , full and complete image .

  5. #35
    Something's gotta give PrinceMyshkin's Avatar
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    Island: that response of yours (#33) is of course one of the reasons I write, to be read like that, understood like that... Thank you.

  6. #36
    foolish female form asilef73's Avatar
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    sadly accurate and beautifully concise.
    "Life is a long lesson in humility." - James M. Barrie

  7. #37
    Something's gotta give PrinceMyshkin's Avatar
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    Snapshots: VI


    Birds in adjacent cages
    pondering
    each other's dreams.

  8. #38
    Something's gotta give PrinceMyshkin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PrinceMyshkin View Post

    Birds in adjacent cages
    pondering
    each other's dreams.
    'Scuse me for the bump, but surely this deserves a comment?

  9. #39
    Internal nebulae TheFifthElement's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PrinceMyshkin View Post
    'Scuse me for the bump, but surely this deserves a comment?
    Indeed it does

    Beautiful, thought provoking and concise. I wish I had written it.
    Want to know what I think about books? Check out https://biisbooks.wordpress.com/

  10. #40
    Something's gotta give PrinceMyshkin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by TheFifthElement View Post
    Indeed it does

    Beautiful, thought provoking and concise. I wish I had written it.
    Well, what finer compliment could one wish?

    And I keep reminding myself: Eight words! What might I have done with nine!?

  11. #41
    unidentified hit record blp's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PrinceMyshkin View Post

    At the hotel restaurant
    in Paris
    at the table next to me
    a couple who have been married
    since just before the invention of pain.

    He looks past her shoulder
    into the middle distance
    as if he might find a thought there
    somewhere, she
    looks down, to the left of him, wondering
    where the years have gone.
    I like, but these spare observations need to be even more spare I think. So, I admit it's fussy, but, if I had my way, you'd trim to '...who were married / just before the invention of pain' and excise any whisper of a cliché. I know your views on this point I think, but to be particular not general about it here, I can't see that 'into the middle distance' or, worse, 'wondering / where the years have gone' are doing much.

  12. #42
    Something's gotta give PrinceMyshkin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by blp View Post
    I like, but these spare observations need to be even more spare I think. So, I admit it's fussy, but, if I had my way, you'd trim to '...who were married / just before the invention of pain' and excise any whisper of a cliché. I know your views on this point I think, but to be particular not general about it here, I can't see that 'into the middle distance' or, worse, 'wondering / where the years have gone' are doing much.
    I'm with you re the trimming but I'd sooner go with "who've been" (and will make that change). As for your other points, yes, those are not inspired choices I made but I think I'd stick to them on the ground that they're effective mimesis of the emotional tiredness of the couple.

  13. #43
    Suzerain of Cost&Caution SleepyWitch's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PrinceMyshkin View Post

    Birds in adjacent cages
    pondering
    each other's dreams.
    hey I love this! it's kinda both complete in itself and makes you want to read more.

  14. #44
    Something's gotta give PrinceMyshkin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SleepyWitch View Post
    hey I love this! it's kinda both complete in itself and makes you want to read more.
    Thank you, Frau Pepperkakehaus, perhaps I could have continued it but I suspected I would just be milking the image. I wanted what you seem to have gotten: just that eye-blink. It's a snap-shot, after all.

  15. #45
    Something's gotta give PrinceMyshkin's Avatar
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    Snapshots: VII

    A poet scans his most recent work.
    'I wrote that,' he thinks.
    'God-damn! It's perfect!'
    and 'God-damn, how can I do better next time?'

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