Those funny internet lists

[Stanislaw]

anyone come across those weird list sent through e-mail communities?
Here is one I recieved yesterday:
19 Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level of Insanity


1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and Point A Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.


2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.


3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with That.


4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In."


5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone Has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch To Espresso.





6. Finish All Your Sentences With "In Accordance With The Prophecy."


7. Don't Use Any Punctuation


8. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.


9. Ask People What Sex They Are. Laugh Hysterically After They Answer.


10. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go."


11. Sing Along At The Opera.


12. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme


13. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play Tropical Sounds All Day.


14. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In The Mood.


15. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Hard.


16. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won!, I Won!"


17. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking Lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!"


18. Tell Your Children Over Dinner. "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."

[Helga]

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In."

8. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

10. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go."

11. Sing Along At The Opera.

14. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In The Mood.

16. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won!, I Won!"

18. Tell Your Children Over Dinner. "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."

Ok number 2,4,8,10,11,14,16,18.

I do that all the time, does that mean I'm crasy?...well nr.18 I tell my brothers since I don't have kids...

[Jester]

wow, thats a pretty funny one, i have to print that one out, thanks stan

[Jester]

oh, where's number nineteen?

[Bongitybongbong]

1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and Point A Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.


2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In."


5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone Has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch To Espresso.

9. Ask People What Sex They Are. Laugh Hysterically After They Answer.

12. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme

17. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking Lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives, They're Loose!!"


18. Tell Your Children Over Dinner. "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."

Thank you Stan.

[mono]

I read a few of these very similar items on something called "101 Ways to be Annoying." I did a google.com search and found it, for anyone curious:
http://www.jokecenter.com/jokes/Misc/1045.htm

[Jester]

me an my brother used to stick all the flat pieces of lego sotgether, for a long time... we got really good and developing ways of freeying them (note its even worse if you stick the small two by one flat pieces right in the middle of a base plate!)

[amuse]

i'm choking on my jellies reading this 101 list - it's hilarious!

[amuse]

i can't handle it! roflmao

[amuse]

oh HELP!!!!!

[Jester]

i had that problem, spent hours on the site... its so funny. mind if i have a few je;lly beans, i haven't had them in a while!

[Bongitybongbong]

I've copied, pasted, and saved it to the computer.

[Jester]

Top 10 Reasons God Created Eve

10. God worried that Adam would always be lost in the garden because men hate to ask for directions.

9. God knew that Adam would one day need someone to hand him the TV remote.

8. God knew that Adam would never buy a new fig leaf when his seat wore out and would therefore need Eve to get one for him.

7. God knew that Adam would never make a doctor's appointment for himself.

6. God knew that Adam would never remember which night was garbage night.

5. God knew that if the world was to be populated, men would never be able to handle childbearing.

4. As "Keeper of the Garden," Adam would never remember where he put his tools.

3. The scripture account of creation indicates Adam needed someone to blame his troubles on when God caught him hiding in the garden.

2. As the Bible says, "It is not good for man to be alone!"

1. When God finished the creation of Adam, He stepped back, scratched His head and said, "I can do better than that."


HTis one was in my hotmail inbox earlier today!

[Bongitybongbong]

That's funny.

[Helga]

This is so funny and disgusting...

20 Ways to Annoy Your Public Bathroom Stall-Mate

Stick your open palm under the stall wall and ask your neighbor, "may I borrow a highlighter?"
Say, "uh oh, I knew I shouldn't have put my lips on that."
Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise.
Say, "Damn, this water's cold."
Drop a marble and say, "Oh ****! My glass eye!"
Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that color before."
Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantelope into the toilet bowl from a height of six feet. Sigh relaxingly.
Say, "Now how did that get in there."
Say, "Humus. Reminds me of humus."
Fill up a large flask with Mountain Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbor's while yelling, "Whoa! Easy boy!"
Say, "Interesting............. more floaters than sinkers.'"
Using a small squeeze tube, spread peanut butter on a wad of toilet paper and drop the wad under the stall of your neighbor. Then say, "Whoops, could you kick that back over here please?"
Say, "C'mon Mr. Happy! Don't fall asleep on me now."
Fill a balloon with cream corn. Rush into the stall with your hand over your mouth and let out a lengthy vomit impression while you squeeze the balloon and splatter cream corn all about. Apologize profusely and blame it on the fettucine alfredo you had for breakfast.
Say, "Boy, that sure looks like a maggott."
Say, "Damn, I knew that drain hole was a little too small. Now what am I gonna do?"
Play a well known drum cadence over and over again on your butt cheeks.
Before you un-roll toilet paper, conspicuously lay down your "Cross-Dressers Anonymous" newsletter on the floor visible to the adjacent stall.
Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall, adjust it so you can see your neighbor and say, "Peek-a-boo!"
Drop a D-cup bra on the floor under the stall wall and sing "Born Free."