Can boys and girls be friends?

[Virgil]

What's Knocked Up? Reality TV? watch births live! ???

I believe it's some movie that just came out. It's supposed to be very funny but I haven't seen it.

[Behemoth]

I don't think there can be a definitive answer to this question; anything involving human relationships is arguably relative (and certainly complicated if experience is anything to go by!). I think that younger people sometimes have a harder time accepting that a boy/girl can have a strong friendship without anything further going on, this was certainly the case among my companions at school. Whether you can have a close friend of the opposite sex is ultimately down to your individual perspective and behaviour and I think it can be a rewarding thing.

[Redzeppelin]

I think it works this way: sexual attraction and infatuation generally do not deal with reality - both of those thrive on idealization. As such, unless there is something in reality that clearly dissuades one from being sexually attracted to someone else, I believe that sexual tension is always present in male-female "friendships." By "reality" I mean that there is something about the person that clearly shuts off the sexual attraction - perhaps that girl at work whom you were drooling over finally pulled out her baby pictures from her purse and the reality hit you that this is a mother who loves her kid and husband and won't be jaunting off to the supply closet with you; or, the man whom you were all dreamy-eyed over suddely has a fit of temper at work over a trivial matter and suddenly he's a bit less dreamy. That's what I mean. When we are in a relationship with someone of the opposite sex, I think that - barring some "reality factor" like I've just mentioned or a physical make-up that does not appeal to us, we will experience sexual attraction (and even the "looks" part can be mitigated - plenty of men/women who have had affairs chose people who were less (not more) attractive than their spouses - because attitude can override physicality in many ways.

[EAP]

Marriage is not casual sex.

I dont think anybody is saying it is. Just that all the factors you listed are also present, to an ever larger extent, in marriage as well - justification of one over another based on rational parameters is liable to fall flat on its face.

As a personal choice, I can totally understand it.

And I have the freedom to point out what I consider socially dysfunctional behavior. Just because its legal does not make it decent. I'm entitled to express public disdain for repulsive behavior. Public disdain establishes social norms. If you had come on expressing racists ideas I would be just as intolerant. The problem with modern life is that every low life behavior is accepted in the name of tolerance. It may be legal but it does not make it acceptable. Like I said, would you go around telling the people you want and need respect from that you go with sex buddies? Frankly, I couldn't care less about your life and its dysfunctions, but there are other people, young people, who require boundaries of right and wrong.

Aww. Cute.

[LadyW]

Throughout my childhood, the ratio of male/female friends leaned heavily towards the latter. Looking back, I'm not exactly sure why... I guess it was just the done thing. I found males lacked a certain degree of maturity and although there were a few exceptions, I tended not to hang around with them.
Towards my last years in primary school, I became quite a solitary person and spent every lunchtime, for approximately 3 years, reading books. This was mainly due to a serious amount of sly bullying from the girls and rather blunt verbal abuse from the boys.
I entered Highschool in need of a fresh start and after a year I landed myself some excellent friends. This is when the male/female ratio altered dramatically - I had roughly... 7 male friends and only 2 or 3 female friends. This is still the case now.

There are things I prefer about both sets of friends.
[The following descriptions are not generalizations of each gender.]
With my female friends, I feel we can dicuss things openly, moan about things like there is no tomorrow, share fairly personal secrets and have a few light hearted laughs.
My only issue perhaps, is the occasional *****iness directed at eachother and even more rarely - bordem.

With my male friends I am almost always guaranteed fun and laughter. Occasionally I may even get a rather deep conversation out of them I'm the only female amongst my male friends and so I enjoy the sense of individuality.
The only issue here is a clash of personalities...
Without meaning to offend, alot of males lack some understanding and tact when it comes to females - which doesn't exactly help when you're down.
I sometimes get the odd sexist comment, but thats only to wind me up because they know Im a roaring little feminist :P
I think the biggest downside to a friendly male-female relationship is if either party falls in love with the other - it can be potentially disastrous to the relationship.

What are your thoughts on male an female friends?

Like me, do you spot significant differences between the two?

[kratsayra]

Sometimes I wonder if friendships are better if you have the possibility of some kind of sexual tension. Not when you actually get involved with the person, but when the friendship is somehow fueled by some kind of curiosity or possibility - even if it's one-sided.

Because my closest, closest friends have always been guys or bi/gay girls. What's up with that? I have had many close friends that were straight girls but for some reason those friendships have never been as satisfying. Maybe I'm just insane . . .

[pussnboots]

When I was growing up I had both male and females as friends. It was pretty much 50/50. Since I was a tomboy, I played ball with the guys when my girl friends were doing girlie things.
Like you Lady W, with my girl friends we spoke abt guys and shared secrets. Of course you always had one female in the group that thought she was better than everyone else. With the guys they never showed their superiority over me. They treated me like their sister. They would sometimes use me as an intermediary if they liked a particular friend of mine.
What I remember growing up was that my male friends never pitted one against the other, where as my female friends had a habit of doing that. The females fought more than the males.
Now today, I have more female friends than male friends. I prefer it that way.
I do agree with you as far as the downside of a friendly female/male relationship. It can be disasterous if one happens to feel strongly abt the other where the other doesn't. I've seen it happen to some of my friends growing up and their friendship ended, they never spoke to each other again.
I think it can also be hard on the female if her boyfriend/husband has a lot of female friends that he is close with. Unless the female feels very secure in her relationship it can cause problems. I know, I've been there and I've come to the realization that it is ok for my husband to be close with a female in a friendly way. I'm curious as to how the men feel about their girlfriend/wife having a close friendly relationship with a male. What do you say guys ?

[LadyW]

Of course you always had one female in the group that thought she was better than everyone else.

Ha ha ha deffinitely!
Although I managed to disassociate myself with that kind of gang at a very young age...

I do agree with you as far as the downside of a friendly female/male relationship. It can be disasterous if one happens to feel strongly abt the other where the other doesn't. I've seen it happen to some of my friends growing up and their friendship ended, they never spoke to each other again.

Ah yes, I've actually been involved in something similar and it's extremely harsh
I won't go into the details but I ultimately lost two best friends because of it...

[QUOTE=pussnboots;520838]I think it can also be hard on the female if her boyfriend/husband has a lot of female friends that he is close with. Unless the female feels very secure in her relationship it can cause problems./QUOTE]
Yes absolutely... I've never actually been in that position myself but I guess it can be pretty tough.
I suppose insecurity in relatioships can be a result of bad experiences in the past though too.

Sometimes I wonder if friendships are better if you have the possibility of some kind of sexual tension. Not when you actually get involved with the person, but when the friendship is somehow fueled by some kind of curiosity or possibility - even if it's one-sided.

I think I understand what you mean... I'm a straight female and maybe one of the reasons I have alot of male friends is simply because of the curiousity we have about the opposite sex. I personally have no feelings for my male friends in a romantic sense but still it's somewhat exciting to be in a friendly relationship with a male. I do hope I don't sound like the most obvious flirt here, because my friends are like brothers to me - I'm merely explaining that I do understand what you're saying.

[pussnboots]

Sometimes I wonder if friendships are better if you have the possibility of some kind of sexual tension. Not when you actually get involved with the person, but when the friendship is somehow fueled by some kind of curiosity or possibility - even if it's one-sided.

If the two people can handle it, why not ?

Because my closest, closest friends have always been guys or bi/gay girls. What's up with that? I have had many close friends that were straight girls but for some reason those friendships have never been as satisfying. Maybe I'm just insane . . .

No, I don't think you are insane. I personally find nothing wrong with that.

[kratsayra]

I think I understand what you mean... I'm a straight female and maybe one of the reasons I have alot of male friends is simply because of the curiousity we have about the opposite sex. I personally have no feelings for my male friends in a romantic sense but still it's somewhat exciting to be in a friendly relationship with a male. I do hope I don't sound like the most obvious flirt here, because my friends are like brothers to me - I'm merely explaining that I do understand what you're saying.

Yes, that's kind-of what I was talking about. Especially in high school. Now I feel a bit too grown-up to be that way (or b/c I'm in a committed relationship) and I kind-of miss it.

About partners having friends of the opposite sex or whatever . . . I think it could also depend on what the status of the person they are friends with is.

My boyfriend has one old friend who is female, and he had an enormous crush on her for years and years before we got together. But I know her pretty well and they have known each other for so long (and she never liked him back romantically!) so I don't feel too uncomfortable about their friendship - plus he doesn't hang out with her all that much nowadays. If he hung out with her all the time I might wonder. And if he started hanging around with some girl suddenly that I didn't know I'd probably get jealous.

[LadyW]

My boyfriend has one old friend who is female, and he had an enormous crush on her for years and years before we got together. But I know her pretty well and they have known each other for so long (and she never liked him back romantically!) so I don't feel too uncomfortable about their friendship. But if he started hanging around with some girl suddenly that I didn't know I'd probably get jealous.

Yes, admittedly... I think I would be rather jealous too. I seldom experience jealousy but on that rare occasion I have felt it, I've loathed myself for it. It's one of the worst feelings one can endure... quite bitter and sickening.
I admire you for how secure you must be with your boyfriend. If I was in a long term relationship with a male who had an old friend who he previously liked for years, I wouldn't be jealous... just rather wary and precautious.

[kratsayra]

See above - I think I changed my post a bit while you were writing! - he doesn't hang out with that friend that much anymore. I'm not sure how I'd feel if they hung out all the time. I'm a pretty jealous person. But that particular girl that he's friends with I know well and she's nice and cool and almost like my friend too.

[LadyW]

See above - I think I changed my post a bit while you were writing! - he doesn't hang out with that friend that much anymore. I'm not sure how I'd feel if they hung out all the time. I'm a pretty jealous person. But that particular girl that he's friends with I know well and she's nice and cool and almost like my friend too.

Still, it is nice that you are so secure in your relationship that the idea doesn't stick to the back of your mind constantly.
It's also good that you have found friendship with this girl yourself and not out of an attempt to appear completely trusting and secure when you're secretly paranoid.

[Shea]

Right now, my friendships are 50/50, but I couldn't say that I have any really close friends, because my husband fills that role. In high school, I tended to have more "big brothers", but I never really understood that so much because I was never a tomboy. On the otherhand, I wasn't into the latest trends and gossip either.

My best friend through high school was a guy, and we made the mistake of getting involved romantically. During our engagement, he was no longer the person I knew. He shut me out, became distant, and really hurt me, because I had to break it off. For a long time I kept analyzing what I could have done to make him behave that way, but I never figured it out. I still really miss the friendship we use to have before all that happened.

[Dori]

I believe that a man and a woman can be friends, but eventually--inevitably--one will "fall in love" with the other. That has been my experience so far in the sixteen and a half years that I've lived.