Review My Paper- Romeo and Juliet

[killerhair123]

im supposed to write a breif essay on weather i agree or disagree with a statement that says "romeo and juliet is not a tragedy of two people, but more a tragedy of a city." I disagreed and said it is more a tragedy of two the two lovers. Can you review my paper? See how it is? Make corrections? Thanks..this is only my rough draft...haven't even proof read.

Although Poet W.H. Auden may have a bit of a point in his saying that it is a tragedy of a city, not of only two lovers. I think that the tragedy is really more fixed on the two lovers and their families, not the whole city. The reason for the disagreement is that you don’t hear much of any from the citizens of Verona.
There are many reasons why I think that this is more of a tragedy of two lovers, not of a city. First of all, Romeo and Juliet were alone on their quest for love. No one was around to help them. Everyone around them was oblivious to the thought that a Capulet and a Montague would ever love each other. If only Romeo or Juliet would have been from a different family, would this story have ended up happily. Although if their parents were to accept the fact that they were in love, it could have ended happily. Of course it is not completely the parents fault for they did not know of the secret love. But I would bet they wouldn’t have been sympathetic if the love was spoken of. Second of all not everyone in the city were responsible for Romeo and Juliet’s actions. They chose to get married and to kill themselves. No one forced or pressured them into doing that. That in my point of view proves that this is a tragedy about two lovers, not the city.
Some examples are needed to support my theory farther. When Romeo found out that Juliet had died he went to an apothecary and asked for some poison to kill him so he would be with Juliet forever. (5, 1, 34) The tragedy here is that Romeo does not know of his lovers’ dilemma, so it is his own personal tragedy. Once the Friar leaves Juliet decides not to go with him but to kill herself instead. (5, 3, 168-169) The tragedy here is that Juliet does not think of her family but more of herself. I think that she should have really thought it out more.
My theory, if you didn’t get it up above, is that I think it was a tragedy between two lovers. They made their own choices and have to live with them. They also were ill informed so I think that played a big factor.

[amuse]

im supposed to write a breif essay on weather i agree or disagree with a statement that says "romeo and juliet is not a tragedy of two people, but more a tragedy of a city." I disagreed and said it is more a tragedy of two the two lovers. Can you review my paper? See how it is? Make corrections? Thanks..this is only my rough draft...haven't even proof read.

Although Poet W.H. Auden may have a bit of a point in his saying that it is a tragedy of a city, not of only two lovers,I think that the tragedy is really more fixed on the two lovers and their families, not the whole city. The reason for the disagreement is that you don’t hear much of any from the citizens of Verona.
There are many reasons why I think that this is more of a tragedy of two lovers, not of a city. First of all, Romeo and Juliet were alone on their quest for love. No one was around to help them. Everyone around them was oblivious to the thought that a Capulet and a Montague would ever love each other. If only Romeo or Juliet would have been from a different family, would this story have ended up happily. is this a question or is it meant to be rhetorical? Although if their parents were to accept the fact that they were in love, it could have ended happily. consider revising structure of previous two sentences. Of course, it is not completely the parents fault for they did not know of the secret love. But I would bet they wouldn’t have been sympathetic if the love was spoken of. Second of all, not everyone in the city were responsible for Romeo and Juliet’s actions. They chose to get married and to kill themselves. that sentence is very cute but a wee bit simplisticNo one forced or pressured them into doing that. That in my point of view proves that this is a tragedy about two lovers, not the city.
Some examples are needed to support my theory farther. When Romeo found out that Juliet had died he went to an apothecary and asked for some poison to kill him so he would be with Juliet forever. (5, 1, 34) The tragedy here is that Romeo does not know of his lovers’ dilemma, so it is his own personal tragedy. Once the Friar leaves Juliet decides not to go with him but to kill herself instead. (5, 3, 168-169) The tragedy here is that Juliet does not think of her family but more of herself. why is that tragic in particular? I think that she should have really thought it out more.
My theory, if you didn’t get it up above, is that I think it was a tragedy between two lovers. They made their own choices and have to live with them. They also were ill informed so I think that played a big factortrue..

[Scheherazade]

The points amuse raised look good to me... There are couple of things I would like to highlight;maybe you can review these and then re-post:

im supposed to write a breif essay on weather (sp) i agree or disagree with a statement that says "romeo and juliet is not a tragedy of two people, but more a tragedy of a city." I disagreed and said it is more a tragedy of two the two lovers. Can you review my paper? See how it is? Make corrections? Thanks..this is only my rough draft...haven't even proof read.

Although Poet W.H. Auden may have a bit of a point (poor expression) in his saying that it (since this is the first time you are mentioning the play in your paper, you should mention by name -don't assume that your teacher knows) is a tragedy of a city, not of only two lovers. I think that the tragedy is really more fixed on the two lovers and their families, not the whole city. (This sentence only repeats what you said in the previouos one -maybe you would like to connect it to the following one) The reason for the disagreement is that you don’t hear much of any (any what?) from the citizens of Verona.
There are many reasons (you actually mention two reasons only) why I think that this is more of a tragedy of two lovers, not of a city. (again repetition) First of all, Romeo and Juliet were alone on their quest for love. No one was around to help them. Everyone around them was oblivious to the thought that a Capulet and a Montague would ever love each other were in love?). If only Romeo or Juliet would have been from a different family, would this (is this a question?) story have ended up happily. Although if their parents were to accept the fact that they were in love, it could have ended happily. Of course (poor choice of words) it is not completely the parents fault for they did not know of the secret love. (between Romeo and Juliet) But I would bet (poor choice of words) they wouldn’t have been sympathetic if the love was spoken of. Second of all not everyone in the city were responsible for Romeo and Juliet’s actions. They chose to get married and to kill themselves. No one forced or pressured them into doing that. That in my point of view proves that this is a tragedy about two lovers, not the city.
Some examples are needed to support my theory farther. When Romeo found out that Juliet had died he went to an apothecary and asked for some poison to kill him so he would be with Juliet forever. (5, 1, 34) The tragedy here is that Romeo does not know of his lovers’ dilemma, so it is his own personal tragedy. Once the Friar leaves Juliet decides not to go with him but to kill herself instead. (5, 3, 168-169) The tragedy here is that Juliet does not think of her family but more of herself. I think that she should have really thought it out more. (you can integrate your examples into the previous paragraph so that tehy support your argument. Also, it might be a good idea to quote some lines from the original text)
My theory, if you didn’t get it up above (very poor choice of words), is that I think it was a tragedy between two lovers. They made their own choices and have(tense?) to live with them. They also were ill informed (about what? - here as you are ending your essay, out of blue, you are introducing a new idea. Maybe you should mention that earlier) so I think that played a big factor.

Have a look at these points and then, if you like, we can review it again. It is a good rough copy Keep working on it and I am sure you will get a good feedback from your teacher.

[amuse]

also, brief.

[beyondtomorrow]

i just want to give some suggestions:
1. you should write your point of view (your essay) in third person.
for example:
instead---
i think the story is more about the tragedy of the two lovers
you could change it into---
Although the city of Verona suffers much from the love exists between Romeo and Juliet, it is the lovers themselves who bear the full weight of their tragic love.
2.to write your essay in first person, such as 'I', may not be a very good idea because your view will sound very subjective (meaning personal) and not objective (impersonal)
3.you do not have to state your view if you have already proven it to your audience (teacher?)
Hope this is useful.