Results 1 to 6 of 6

Thread: Death Moment

  1. 11-04-2007, 05:23 PM #1
    Pretty^Athens
    Pretty^Athens is offline
    Registered User Pretty^Athens's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    my own thoughts
    Posts
    391
    Send a message via ICQ to Pretty^Athens Send a message via MSN to Pretty^Athens

    Death Moment

    The black night
    coloured my curtains
    Nothing to hear
    Nothing to see
    And nothing to touch
    Everything's silent
    Everything's dark
    The moon is depressed
    It's hidden behind the clouds
    The leaves are shocked
    They're fasting...
    * * * *
    Nothing...
    Even the wind
    Sank into the darkness...
    My curtains tried to talk
    To say something
    But that "nothing" had
    Its respect and control
    It controlled everything
    And even when my blood tried
    To...run...
    My heart just stopped it...
    It was a death moment...

    i'm waiting forward to reading your reviews...
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  2. 11-04-2007, 09:34 PM #2
    manny2
    manny2 is offline
    Manny2
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Posts
    116
    Blog Entries
    8
    i liked the first part a lot, kinda lost me with the second part, but the description is really good
    "You may win some, you may lose some, but you'll never be there again"
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  3. 11-05-2007, 05:19 AM #3
    Pretty^Athens
    Pretty^Athens is offline
    Registered User Pretty^Athens's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    my own thoughts
    Posts
    391
    Send a message via ICQ to Pretty^Athens Send a message via MSN to Pretty^Athens
    thankyou!
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  4. 11-05-2007, 08:09 AM #4
    Virgil
    Virgil is offline
    Vincit Qui Se Vincit Virgil's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    New York
    Posts
    20,354
    Blog Entries
    248
    I liked it all except for the last line. It was redundant. These to lines really grabbed me:
    The leaves are shocked
    They're fasting...
    That seemed quite original.
    LET THERE BE LIGHT

    "Love follows knowledge." – St. Catherine of Siena

    My literature blog: http://ashesfromburntroses.blogspot.com/
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  5. 11-05-2007, 08:19 AM #5
    ampoule
    ampoule is offline
    Ruadh gu brath ampoule's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Location
    From the mountains to the prairies to the oceans white with foam
    Posts
    2,744
    Blog Entries
    67
    Yes, 'the leaves are shocked, they're fasting' stopped me in my tracks.
    I'm in love with The Vinegar Man and Mr. Tanner, but be careful, it could just as easily be you.

    "If you're going to write you better have somewhere to come from." Flannery O'Connor
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  6. 11-05-2007, 02:26 PM #6
    Pretty^Athens
    Pretty^Athens is offline
    Registered User Pretty^Athens's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    my own thoughts
    Posts
    391
    Send a message via ICQ to Pretty^Athens Send a message via MSN to Pretty^Athens
    Wow, i didn't know i could do that!
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
« Previous Thread | Next Thread »

Similar Threads

  1. symbolism in The Masque Of The Red Death
    By 光之翼 in forum Poe, Edgar Allan
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 03-25-2013, 01:54 PM
  2. A Death On Television
    By Khe Iem in forum Personal Poetry
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 11-03-2007, 01:26 AM
  3. Death Summarised
    By MrD in forum Short Story Sharing
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 10-06-2007, 06:45 PM
  4. Regret Of Death.
    By spacetoon in forum Short Story Sharing
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 01-28-2007, 02:59 AM
  5. Muslims Thoughts about Death
    By Bittersweet in forum Religious Texts
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 11-16-2003, 03:03 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  

Forum Rules