Picture Poetry Contest (...continued...)

[PrinceMyshkin]

I've been playing with this form lately. Here's my entry. Thanks for the extension Petrarch.

Damned fine! Oh, damned fine! I've wondered if the many fine poems written & posted here would have been written anyway or if its owing to the inspiration and stimulus of the other excellent poems?

[Petrarch's Love]

So, I was curious as to what you would all make of this arial shot of Disneyland, and have enjoyed reading over the results. Before announcing a winner, the customary comments:

Pen—As always I love your imagination. The line about the deserts surrounding OZ turned to parking lots was great. Also, big points for going at the villanelle form and really making it work for you. A really creative poem and fun to read.

rabid reader—I thought some of your lines here were really good. For example, the couplet:

The crowds bored with their constant survival
Ask their great masters for more rides arrival.

Really worked well to convey the lackluster sense of the amusement park that your poem revolves around and gave me a great image and a sense of being there. While there were some gems like this couplet, however, I did feel as though other parts of the poem were a little predictable and heavy handed. For example, the sarcasm about the man who “braves” the rides was fine the first time, but the second time began to feel less like nuanced sarcasm and more like someone complaining. Overall though, good submission. (And yes, though I was sorely tempted, I have returned the monopoly bribe and remain an impartial judge. ).

Granny 5—I thoroughly enjoyed reading this little gem of a poem. Your very natural flowing style really complemented your reflections on the shift from the joys of youth to the joys of maturity. It’s hard to select a favorite line, but I especially enjoyed the last lines:

The thrill of what was new
Replaced by the slow growing thrill
Of what we have come to know

Well done.

Stephofthenight—I could really feel the sadness in your poem and what I liked best was the descriptions of the town as seen through the memory of other, happier, times. I wasn’t sure that the poem really described the picture, since it didn’t really talk about seeing the town from above or anything, but still a good entry.

Virgil—An amazing poem. I will confess right off to missing some of its more ambiguous points (who is it whose eyes are “all healed”? This seems so specific that I can’t help but think you have someone specific in mind) but the use of language and the feelings and images that language conjures are top notch. Of course you also get points for exercising a little used word like “penetralia,” which happens to be one of my favorite obscure words.

Prince Myshkin—My favorite lines in this poem were the opening ones, which were a more elegant version of my own thoughts when selecting this picture for the contest:

Taken from the sky, the photo
might be anyplace on Garden Earth,

I liked the idea of zooming in on what may be hidden, both beneath the serene surface of the tree tops and beneath the serene surface of the people we see. The end you built to with “watching, watching…” was wonderful in the way it blended what I see as a sense in our modern age of omnipresent video cameras and crowded cities of being always watched by others, and a trope from old religious poetry (and elsewhere of course) of being always watched within ourselves. A compelling read.

Ampoule—Do I sense that you recognized the place, and there’s a touch of Tinkerbell here? In any case, I thought your conflation of the two worlds so that the “real” world becomes the place to escape too was quite charming. The last line, “to be real in a pretend world” was my favorite. Fun to read.

[Petrarch's Love]

Choosing among all these fine submissions was indeed agonizing, and there were a couple in particular that I was hard pressed to choose between, but I've decided that the prize goes to Virgil for this round. His submission was really a wonderful bit of poetry. I reproduce it below:

Penetralia

The trees of heaven cast shadows below,
As song birds chatter and fly in the sun.
And the wine that one sips is blessed with white light,
The fields spread in rows to distant
Horizons, small clouds shaped as lips,
Ocean spawned, whisper invocations.
The trees of heaven cast shadows below,
As song birds chatter and fly in the sun.
With the ardor of youth
He lifts himself up one branch at a time,
And with his eyes all healed he sees
From the top the dark line of the world,
The trees of heaven cast shadows below.

Have fun picking the next picture Virg.

[PrinceMyshkin]

Thanks for your comments on my submission and for the often elucidating comments on the others as well.

And my congratulations to Virgil & his fine, fine poem!

[rabid reader]

(And yes, though I was sorely tempted, I have returned the monopoly bribe and remain an impartial judge)

Too bad, good put yourself up in a nice hotel on Parkway with that kinda cashola. Thanks for the words though. I agree that the 2 Braves was over doing it, if I were to re-write though I think I would remove the first one. The main subject of the poem though was the contradictory attitudes of amusement parks and especially the people who walk amongst them. They determine their bravery by sitting on perfectly safe rides, while admiring nature, until they are bored with the rides and their safety and demand more rides, which of course means destroying the nature that they claim to enjoy. At least that was the message I was trying to convey.

And congrats Virgil, it wasn't even much of a competition

[Granny5]

Congratulation Virgil! Good work. Now, what picture have you got for us?

[Virgil]

Oh my, I didn't honestly think it would win. Thank you Petrarch, R.R., Prince, and Granny. I read several of the poems here and thought several were better than mine. As to the poem, it's one stanza from a larger work I've been trying to write and it struck me that this stanza sort of fit the picture. So I submitted it. I intend to put out the larger poem for comment here as it matures. Each stanza is in a french rondel form (I forget the specific one), where this is a 13 line stanza where the first two lines are repeated as the 6th and 7th lines and then the first line is repeated again as the closing 13th. It's really a cool form where the repeatitions really add an emotional touch. I was inspired to use this form from a French poem called "Pierrot Lunaire" which was also marvelously put to music (in German though) by Arnold Schonberg.

As to the next picture, I will have to look around. I'll get back in a day or so.

[littlewing53]

congrats virgil, wonderful poem....

[Janine]

Congratulations to Virgil for winning!.......I loved your poem and will be anxious to read the complete masterpiece work. I like the idea of the repetitions and noticed them right away - really emphasises your point.
Good ideas and I particularly liked some of the phrasing.



...and this goes almost without saying, but my highest regards, as well, to all the contestants. Everyone made a wonderful show and wrote some fine poems; I enjoyed reading them. I thought the picture was a particularly difficult one. I like the different angles in which people perceived it.

[Petrarch's Love]

Oh my, I didn't honestly think it would win. Thank you Petrarch, R.R., Prince, and Granny. I read several of the poems here and thought several were better than mine. As to the poem, it's one stanza from a larger work I've been trying to write and it struck me that this stanza sort of fit the picture. So I submitted it. I intend to put out the larger poem for comment here as it matures.

Glad to hear it's part of a larger work. I'll look forward to seeing the complete oevre.

Each stanza is in a french rondel form (I forget the specific one), where this is a 13 line stanza where the first two lines are repeated as the 6th and 7th lines and then the first line is repeated again as the closing 13th. It's really a cool form where the repeatitions really add an emotional touch. I was inspired to use this form from a French poem called "Pierrot Lunaire" which was also marvelously put to music (in German though) by Arnold Schonberg.

Yes, I was quite impressed to see both a villanelle and a rondel submitted to this round. You used the repetitions beautifully. As for Perrot Lunaire, do you read Francais or German, or are there good English translations of the poems in Rondel form? I read them in the French awhile back after first hearing the Schonberg, and remember thinking they were exceedingly odd but striking. There was one, which I don't think Schonberg uses, about le coucher de soleil (sunset) that had an image of a sun "qui ouvre ses veines" ("who opens his veins"--quoting from memory so not exact). Strange but memorable. Can't say that I've ever been able to really like the Schonberg, though I can admire it as an amazing piece of music. Glad the poems are inspiring your to venture rondel writing.

[Petrarch's Love]

Too bad, good put yourself up in a nice hotel on Parkway with that kinda cashola.

I know. Darn that conscience.

Thanks for the words though. I agree that the 2 Braves was over doing it, if I were to re-write though I think I would remove the first one. The main subject of the poem though was the contradictory attitudes of amusement parks and especially the people who walk amongst them. They determine their bravery by sitting on perfectly safe rides, while admiring nature, until they are bored with the rides and their safety and demand more rides, which of course means destroying the nature that they claim to enjoy. At least that was the message I was trying to convey.

Yes, I think you really got that across in the poem. I was mainly criticising little fine points that I thought might have made a good poem even better.

[ampoule]

Congrats Virgil!
And thank you Petrarch for your kind words.

[Virgil]

Thank you little wing, Janine, and Ampoule.

Glad to hear it's part of a larger work. I'll look forward to seeing the complete oevre.

OK, I would like comments.

As for Perrot Lunaire, do you read Francais or German, or are there good English translations of the poems in Rondel form? I read them in the French awhile back after first hearing the Schonberg, and remember thinking they were exceedingly odd but striking. There was one, which I don't think Schonberg uses, about le coucher de soleil (sunset) that had an image of a sun "qui ouvre ses veines" ("who opens his veins"--quoting from memory so not exact). Strange but memorable. Can't say that I've ever been able to really like the Schonberg, though I can admire it as an amazing piece of music. Glad the poems are inspiring your to venture rondel writing.

No I read a few in English from a book explaining Schonberg's music. Both the music and the poems captured me. I did a quick search and found an English translation of the poetry on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Albert-Girauds.../dp/1931112029. I think I will order it.

[motherhubbard]

Congratulations Virgil. Aren't you glad to have more time here!

[Virgil]

Thanks Mom-H. I am glad.