Memory - A Narrative Poem

[toni]

Comments would be very much appreciated


Here is a piece of paper, unstained, cold and crisp. I tore it in half, in fourths, gripped it grudgingly in my fist and put it in my mouth.
I chewed it.
It tasted of dreams and sunsets of long ago.
Also of revenge, of ink and of the tears I bled when the werewolf's fangs plunged deep into my flesh. I could taste the chilly nights I spent on the alleys unfamished, only to be waken by the phantoms who stole my sight.
I could taste them, their spite, the petals of their corruption, the wrinkles of their greed.
I could taste the man who spoke truths in old whispers, and the woman who cursed at romance's feet.
I could taste the anthem of the souls who screech for justice.
I could taste the chemicals that the scientists injected into the whimpering guniea pig.
I could taste the end of the world.

Here is a piece of paper. Chew it well.

[Bii]

I enjoyed this poem Toni. I loved these lines in particular:

I could taste them, their spite, the petals of their corruption, the wrinkles of their greed.
I could taste the man who spoke truths in old whispers, and the woman who cursed at romance's feet.
I could taste the anthem of the souls who screech for justice.

Very expressive.

It's an interesting theme you've chosen, I've always thought of paper as being the best example of an item of which should inspire wonderment but instead people take it for granted. I love the idea of the possibilities seeping into you while you chew.

[ampoule]

Toni Toni Toni....nearly 2500 posts and this is the first thing I have read of yours. I saw this listed last night but the heat sent me to bed instead. I loved reading it this morning but had I read it last night I might have had trouble sleeping...uncomfortable but wonderful images. 'Chew it well' gave me chills. Should it have?

[symphony]

The first of ur work for my eyes as well, toni.
I agree with Bii about the theme. U chose it really well, and i'm being honest, NOT being biased by ur liking for my haikus!
Really, nice one. I read the last lines with mounting excitement.

[Pendragon]

The poems weaves patterns of cobwebs blowing across a dusty floor in a long vacant room, where something horrible happened and left residual energy that tapped into your pen. Not what I usually expect, My Warrior Maiden, but the card is well played; enough ghoulishness to send a shiver, enough mystery to keep the reader reading. Well done.

Uncle Pen

[toni]

awww BIG THANKS to everyone! I am very glad you appreciate it. I didn't expect this at all. I'm sorry I didn't check this thread until now. Thanks Bii I got the chills too, after I wrote it amapoule, thanks for reading! and symph, thanks! Its just that I'm too shy to post my poetry here so I just post them on my website blogs. and dear Uncle Pen, what can I say, but my dear Uncle and friends just give me the right motivation to pick up my pen once more! Thank you for reading .

[Xillus_Xavier]

Let me chime accolades as well on this fine poem.
I need to remember to look out for your work from now on.
This is a freaking cool poem.

[blazeofglory]

Comments would be very much appreciated


Here is a piece of paper, unstained, cold and crisp. I tore it in half, in fourths, gripped it grudgingly in my fist and put it in my mouth.
I chewed it.
It tasted of dreams and sunsets of long ago.
Also of revenge, of ink and of the tears I bled when the werewolf's fangs plunged deep into my flesh. I could taste the chilly nights I spent on the alleys unfamished, only to be waken by the phantoms who stole my sight.
I could taste them, their spite, the petals of their corruption, the wrinkles of their greed.
I could taste the man who spoke truths in old whispers, and the woman who cursed at romance's feet.
I could taste the anthem of the souls who screech for justice.
I could taste the chemicals that the scientists injected into the whimpering guniea pig.
I could taste the end of the world.

Here is a piece of paper. Chew it well.

Tony, so many nice images and indeed they are life like expressions.

[firefangled]

I also have to say, where ya been? This is very cool. Up until now, only Pendragon seemed to be able to deal brilliantly with such themes.

I applaud the way you handled the details! Sometimes poems of the supernatural or legend go over the top with details and it dilutes them. I totally believed this, chillingly so.

The ending was inspired. That is why it gave you, the author, chills. Inspiration happens, like a thunderstorm and we are suddenly drenched in words. Chilling, warm, sad, joyous, no matter, it is the finest of feelings.

The cadence was impeccable throughout except one place it seem to stumble and that was "at romance's feet." I would suggest "at the feet of romance" to keep up the same rhythm.

Well done, Toni!

[CdnReader]

Very excellent stuff, Toni. I hope you won't be too shy anymore.

[schadenfreude]

This is brilliant! I love the fast-paced tone of danger and corruption, and also the way you integrated a hint of nostalgia with bitterness.

[SleepyWitch]

...uncomfortable but wonderful images. 'Chew it well' gave me chills.

very well put ampoule.
it takes a great poet to write about unpleasants things in an aesthetically interesting way. the ending is kinda scary! well done

[Virgil]

Oh Toni, I didn't see this until now. God it sent chills down me. I could feel the terror in it. I don't usually care for repititious phrasing, but it works so well here:

I could taste them, their spite, the petals of their corruption, the wrinkles of their greed.
I could taste the man who spoke truths in old whispers, and the woman who cursed at romance's feet.
I could taste the anthem of the souls who screech for justice.
I could taste the chemicals that the scientists injected into the whimpering guniea pig.
I could taste the end of the world.

It really reaches a climax as each line gets more and more intense. Only thing, though this isn't a narrative poem. Unless you're being ironic, I don't see why it would be part of the title.

[Sweets America]

Wonderful poem! Strangely, I needed to read it several times before it struck me. I love the whole of it, and the ending deeply hits the reader. It's quite bitter, I love it.
For some reason it reminds me of the following poem by Stephen Crane:

In the Desert

In the desert
I saw a creature, naked, bestial,
Who, squatting upon the ground,
Held his heart in his hands,
And ate of it.
I said, "Is it good, friend?"
"It is bitter – bitter", he answered,
"But I like it
Because it is bitter,
And because it is my heart."

[mazHur]

good but lines are too long