Hi Shurtugal and welcome to the forums.
All poetry posted on this part of the forum is original work (ie. stuff we've written ourselves!). Most of us haven't been published either so you're in good company, and you're most definitely a writer as long as you love doing it.
We always look forward to seeing new work so post away (just so long as you stick to the forum rules - no more than one a day!), and I look forward to reading your work.
ok, thank you Bii, but if the rules posting only one a day i'll be posting for a long time =). well that's ok, here's the first one. (i also have a tune for this as a song)
"Remmber"
When I die don't rember me for my bravery.
When I die don't remember me for my luck.
Don't remember for the joy I have given you,
But remember me for my love.
When I die don't remember me for my strength.
Please, don't remember me for my wrong.
This is all I will ask for, this all I plead.
Remember my love, when you remember me.
When I leave you don't think of crying,
'Cause I'm in a better place.
Don't think of peace I did or didn't make.
But remember the love I gave,
Yeah, remember the love I gave.
'Cause without it there'd be no kindness,
Only sorrow, pain, and hate.
Without love there'd be no peace or happiness.
This whole world would fall apart in a day.
Some people are remembered for thier justice.
Some, sadly, for thier lack of faith.
I'm not saying I don't have those qualities,
Just remember the love I gave.
so how do you all like it?
Pitiful creatur of darkness,
What kind of world have you known?
God give me courage to guide me,
You are not alone.
sorry, my computore went stupid. =). i didn't mean to post this. i'll explain another time.-Argetlam
Last edited by Shurtugal; 06-11-2007 at 01:25 AM.
Pitiful creatur of darkness,
What kind of world have you known?
God give me courage to guide me,
You are not alone.
Ah interesting form, Petra.
I'm not that good with forms, but I'll see what I can do (IF I can do anything, that is!). Soon.
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...the smell of flowers through metal labyrinths.
Okay I'm done.
There were no mention of syllable limits in the form given by Petra, but I chose 12-each anyway, 8 would have been better i know, but *shrug* 12 is a multiple of 4 too!
Plus, just in case, I chose to add the envoy too, like SteveH and some others have done. But instead of putting half the repeating words somewhere in the middle I put them terminally, that is- half at the end, the other half at the beginning. It somehow sounded better that way, and since the envoy wasnt in the given form I hope it doesnt hurt to treat that part my own way.
Okay so here's my first attempt at a form poetry (unless u count little haikus):
A Romantic Euphony
Memories afresh! I’ve tasted paradise once.
‘Twas all restless lips, skipping beats, candid romance.
Spring was afoot, air flavored full with fresh fragrance—
Ever joyous my soul was, captive in a trance.
Wine cascaded down the gold chalice of romance,
Violets cheered, and bluebells offered their fragrance.
Time stood still, whilst I sunk deeper into the trance.
Memories afresh! I’ve knocked on heaven’s doors once!
Doors flew open! That unforgettable fragrance
Gripped heaven’s chambers illumined, touching the trance.
Memories afresh! I have embraced Eden once!
Love flew dove- like, o’er our aromatic romance.
Now I chase the dove, strive to touch the lifted trance,
But ‘tis, alas, long lifted, like you left me once
The spell was broken, dying embers of romance
Shushed; away you flew with the remnants of fragrance.
Once blooming bluebells died, snuffing out its fragrance.
Romance wilted, pale petals brought a fatal trance.
Last edited by symphony; 07-07-2007 at 02:00 AM.
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...the smell of flowers through metal labyrinths.
it's beautiful! really is, symphony. i like it a lot.
well here's another of mine.(i wrote this a year ago when i saw an friend at our biblestudy)
"Imagination"
Is it my imagination?
Or did he smile at me;
What does it mean?
Does he like me?
Or did he laugh?
My hands quiver.
What?! Should I talk to him.
No, I'm crazy.
He wears a hat;
But his eyes see right threw that- to me.
He's defenetly looking at me.
It is not my imagination.
He likes me.
so how do you like. i want lots of feed back (even if that means you say it's stupid) thanks, shurtugal.
Pitiful creatur of darkness,
What kind of world have you known?
God give me courage to guide me,
You are not alone.
Hi Shurtugal - you need to post your poems in the "Personal poetry" section - this particular thread relates to a specific form of poem (it's a sort of competition).Originally Posted by Shurtugal
Sorry if I mislead you with my earlier post. Bii
Thanks a lot Shurtugal
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...the smell of flowers through metal labyrinths.
ok. thanks
Pitiful creatur of darkness,
What kind of world have you known?
God give me courage to guide me,
You are not alone.
Technically this round of the contest was over about five days ago but since I've been away due to travel and then unexpected family related issues, and there don't seem to be a host of new poems, I'm going to extend the deadline to July 7th and definitely pick a winner then. I don't want this thread to die on my hands (or at all, if it comes to that) so get writing all you brilliant poets!
"In rime sparse il suono/ di quei sospiri ond' io nudriva 'l core/ in sul mio primo giovenile errore"~ Francesco Petrarca
"Follies and nonsense, whims and inconsistencies do divert me, I own, and I laugh at them whenever I can."~ Jane Austen
The Dance of Doom Between Thunder and Lightning
Lightning flashes across the sky
Thunder hits you before the lightning dies
It slams and splashes across the land
Like God was a drummer in a rock band
Thundering lightning and rain that never dies
Washes the sea, rivers and the land
Lightning sketches, in the sky, a shimmering band,
While the rain etches floods in the dark, roiling sky.
As I stand looking out across this thunderstruck land
There the people gaze at the man above the three colored band
The one with his face pointed at the sky
He stops breathing as he thinks of his dream where the whole world dies
The sweat appears like a glossy band
As his eyes clear, so does the sky,
With the sun glowing red in breaks apart and dies
Throwing its solar debris over our unprotected land
life philosophy: "if one wants to succeed, they must become independent, if one wants to be independent, one must strive past the dificulties, using them to shape future desicions, like a sword being folded, every fold is a hardship overcome, and every fold removes one more imperfection that would destroy the completed version"
# of 1st Dans, Black Belts achieved- 2 (1 Hapkido, Sun Moo Kwan), (1 Tae Kwon Do)
Just a reminder that if anyone wants to submit a last minute poem, the deadline is the end of tomorrow. Otherwise I'll choose from among the lovely submissions that are already up.
"In rime sparse il suono/ di quei sospiri ond' io nudriva 'l core/ in sul mio primo giovenile errore"~ Francesco Petrarca
"Follies and nonsense, whims and inconsistencies do divert me, I own, and I laugh at them whenever I can."~ Jane Austen
Could you repost your original post because I can't seem to find it and I can't make any sense out of people's posts? Thank you.
There u go, ampouleNo more waiting. Sorry about that. Got completely distracted last night and neglected to come back and post.
For the form this round I thought perhaps a sestina, but that's a rather long undertaking, so instead I'll suggest a variant on the sestina, which as far as I know I've invented, and which I'll call the Quatrina. The quatrina consists of four quatrains and the lines of each quatrain end in the same four words, but in different order. Here's a little outline of what the ending words for the lines would be for each quatrain:
Word 1
Word 2
Word 3
Word 4
Word 2
Word 3
Word 4
Word 1
Word 3
Word 4
Word 1
Word 2
Word 4
Word 1
Word 2
Word 3
To make it clearer here's an example I penned myself. Not a great poem since I both came up with the form and wrote this in about twenty minutes
Breaking the tense stillness of the night,
Breaking the stifled darkness comes a song
From an apartment window square of light
Singing of the man that done her wrong.
In rich alto tones song follows song
Making a gospel shift to souls that find the light
After long blindness and long living wrong.
Awake! Yes Lord, awake from spiritual night.
And the jewel toned notes float smooth and light
Coloring all the world right where it was wrong
Warming the cold heart of the friendless night
Until an aching high note ends the final song.
The apartment window dims, and the lonely wrong
Of darkness returns to the street below. The night
Returns to its own strange smothered song
And I walk on beneath the yellowed city light.
hope u make it within tomorrow, good luck.
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...the smell of flowers through metal labyrinths.
thank you symphony. i will give it the old college try.
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