Can boys and girls be friends?

[mtpspur]

I hope they can just be friends or four or friends on this forum might not speak to me anymore. As to the benefits thing--from my observations it never works out and someone gets hurt--usually the one that falls in love first. Sex buddies and such take the responsibility and comitment to a relationship that love should inspire which hopefully leads to marriage but I'm an old fashioned romantic in that area well aware of the live together first routine. My ex-daughter-in-law was always VERY careful not getting her name on my son's rental agreements and he's still paying for that oversight.

[grace86]

I believe guys and girls can be friends, in terms of acquaintances and good friends. There are plenty of guys I would consider good/great friends. Best friends....no way. But that is of course my opinion.

The idea of having sex buddies or friends with benefits is kind of gross. I don't think that arrangement works too well for anyone. There is too much involved mentally, socially, emotionally and physically to take that kind of risk...and for what?!

[aldana]

It's not rare. Adults have many opposite gender friends. It's young people who don't, probably becuase of over active hormones.

I don't agree with you when you say it's only young people who can't have friends of the opposite sex. Sometimes adults feel attacted to close friends, especially if they are single...

I believe that the problem comes when you know that person really well, and you spend countless hours sharing happyness and sorrows...you care for that person and sometimes that leads to romantic feelings. As somebody said in this thread (sorry i don't remember who) the romantic feeling you can't control, but yes the sexual instinct. But even if you can control that and decide not to act on it...the problem is that the friendship itself will no longer be the same...something changes. The person in love (or attacted to the other) will undoubtedly feel weird and things will change.

That actually happened to me once...A male friend started feeling attacted to me and he wanted to have a romantic relationship but i didn't share the feeling and so eventually we grew apart!!

I believe guys and girls can be friends, in terms of acquaintances and good friends. There are plenty of guys I would consider good/great friends. Best friends....no way. But that is of course my opinion.

I definitely agree with you on this aspect...the problem arises when there's intimacy...that leads to deeper feelings...and there you are in trouble!!

[Virgil]

It's not rare. Adults have many opposite gender friends. It's young people who don't, probably becuase of over active hormones.

I don't agree with you when you say it's only young people who can't have friends of the opposite sex. Sometimes adults feel attacted to close friends, especially if they are single...

I believe that the problem comes when you know that person really well, and you spend countless hours sharing happyness and sorrows...you care for that person and sometimes that leads to romantic feelings. As somebody said in this thread (sorry i don't remember who) the romantic feeling you can't control, but yes the sexual instinct. But even if you can control that and decide not to act on it...the problem is that the friendship itself will no longer be the same...something changes. The person in love (or attacted to the other) will undoubtedly feel weird and things will change.

That actually happened to me once...A male friend started feeling attacted to me and he wanted to have a romantic relationship but i didn't share the feeling and so eventually we grew apart!!

Well, doesn't your experience prove my point? Your friend had over active hormones. I didn't mean to imply it was absolute. I'm sure there are exceptions.

[grace86]

I definitely agree with you on this aspect...the problem arises when there's intimacy...that leads to deeper feelings...and there you are in trouble!!

I also speak from personal experience aldana

[aldana]

The idea of having sex buddies or friends with benefits is kind of gross. I don't think that arrangement works too well for anyone. There is too much involved mentally, socially, emotionally and physically to take that kind of risk...and for what?!

Does this come out of personal experience as well? (if you don't mind my asking... ) I myself never dared to do it...because of fear of those risk...but i have often wondered if i missed out on anything!

I know, as a hopeless romantic as I am...that i would have never been able to do that...it would be too risky

[EAP]

The idea of having sex buddies or friends with benefits is kind of gross. I don't think that arrangement works too well for anyone. There is too much involved mentally, socially, emotionally and physically to take that kind of risk...and for what?!

There is too much involved mentally, socially, emotionally, physically and financially to marry someone as well? Is marriage gross as well? Why is the idea of casual sex so icky?

It's repulsive and of low character, that's what's wrong with it. Would you go around telling your parents, grandparents, and your aunts and uncles and other people who you wish to look at you with respect? Would you go around telling people at work? If that's the kind of esteem you wish to be associated with, then you will be known as sleaze. And it will catch up with you in your life in time. I can't believe so many people said nothing is wrong with it.

I am glad all of us are so tolerent and accepting here of perfectly legal acts.

[Virgil]

I am glad all of us are so tolerent and accepting here of perfectly legal acts.

And I have the freedom to point out what I consider socially dysfunctional behavior. Just because its legal does not make it decent. I'm entitled to express public disdain for repulsive behavior. Public disdain establishes social norms. If you had come on expressing racists ideas I would be just as intolerant. The problem with modern life is that every low life behavior is accepted in the name of tolerance. It may be legal but it does not make it acceptable. Like I said, would you go around telling the people you want and need respect from that you go with sex buddies? Frankly, I couldn't care less about your life and its dysfunctions, but there are other people, young people, who require boundaries of right and wrong.

[Mortis Anarchy]

It is very possible but there are so many rules it seems. Most of my friends are guys, they are more mine and my husbands. I just don't get on with too many women since I have more in common with all the guys I know. Now here go some rules. Whether he is married or single he isn't to be at the house when I'm alone. It just looks wrong and rumors fly in this town. You can't go to the movies together or even go to the bar and leave your spouse at home... yadda yadda yadda. I'm sure you get the picture. We're friends, but relegated to group gatherings. If you aren't married the it is open game. Before my marriage I went out every week with a group of guy pals and played pool. We would go get a bite to eat after and just had an all around good time. I would also hook up with one or more to go to the movies. The trick is knowing how to manage them. If you find one has an interest in you then don't go out when it is just the two of you. Other than that, be prepared to brush off any number of jokes that could offend. Slaps on the bum happen too. It is just part of the course, at least with my group.

When I first met my friend (male) he thought he owned the place because he was hanging out with two girls...please..anyways, slaps on the bum was very,very common. I'm not sure though why when you have friends that are the opposite sex, or at least from my experience they tend to think they own you or whatever. We are still really good friends, but at times he acts like I'm his girlfriend and can't watch certain movies, or look at other guys, or date anyone for that matter. I'm not sure what it is...anyclue? Now I think I'm going away from what I've said earlier...but I do agree with you, that boundaries are set whenever you have that friendship relationship thing.

[applepie]

When I first met my friend (male) he thought he owned the place because he was hanging out with two girls...please..anyways, slaps on the bum was very,very common. I'm not sure though why when you have friends that are the opposite sex, or at least from my experience they tend to think they own you or whatever. We are still really good friends, but at times he acts like I'm his girlfriend and can't watch certain movies, or look at other guys, or date anyone for that matter. I'm not sure what it is...anyclue? Now I think I'm going away from what I've said earlier...but I do agree with you, that boundaries are set whenever you have that friendship relationship thing.

he may have a crush on you. I found out that one of my best friends had been in love with me for years after I married. I felt really guilty and things were really strange between us after that.

[Mortis Anarchy]

Oh, well he did admit to having a crush on me...but he's a bit of a player and I think he was just angry that out of the entire female population of that area, I was the only one that didn't like him...eww

Another one of my good male friends asked me out last year but I told him no, because I would rather have a long relationship as friends than a short one of dating..or whatever...and we remain really good friends...it is a little weird though, sometimes.

But I still believe that males and females can have close friendships without crossing boundaries.

[SleepyWitch]

Is marriage gross as well?

YEEEEEES!

[grace86]

Does this come out of personal experience as well? (if you don't mind my asking... ) I myself never dared to do it...because of fear of those risk...but i have often wondered if i missed out on anything!

I know, as a hopeless romantic as I am...that i would have never been able to do that...it would be too risky

NO that part does not come from personal experience! Fear of those risks definitely play a part personally. I am a fellow romantic.

Originally posted by EAP
There is too much involved mentally, socially, emotionally, physically and financially to marry someone as well? Is marriage gross as well? Why is the idea of casual sex so icky?

Marriage is not casual sex.

[Mortis Anarchy]

YEEEEEES!

Haha...thats funny...I just watched Knocked Up...having a baby is gross...eugh and painful

[SleepyWitch]

What's Knocked Up? Reality TV? watch births live! ???