LOVE is a Mental Illness?

[Bii]

Well, I assume you are talking 'romantic' love only here, as love exists beyond romance, i.e. the love we feel for children, family members, friends etc. Without those forms of love I think most people would struggle.

As for whether romantic love is a mental illness - isn't mental illness something considered to be abnormal? If that is the case then love can't be a mental illness as it is the norm (i.e. the majority of people experience it, the minority do not (assuming anyone does not)).

I'd tend to agree with Red here, it may reveal mental instability but does not cause it. It feels like madness though!

But how long do you think love can last? I somehow cannot believe in 'loving someone forever', at a certain point it's not love anymore ..... and i'm not talking about a parent loving his/her child, that is different.

What a shame Moira, because I do believe that love can last forever. Perhaps you need to redefine your expectations - desire, passion etc do not last, but love does (I blame hollywood!). My favourite description of love is from Captain Corelli's Mandolin, and I think this pretty much sums up how I feel about it:

"Love is a temporary madness, it erupts like volcanoes and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because that's what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion, it is not the desire to mate every second minute of the day, it is not lying awake at night imagining that he is kissing every cranny of your body. No, don't blush, I am telling you some truths. That is just being 'in love', which any fool can do. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and an unfortunate accident."

[Lote-Tree]

Nah. It would be better to put it this way: We are perfectly happy until the need to love/be loved strikes us. This shows the lack of love (not any presence of love) is the cause of this sickness, not love.

Symantics will not save you :-)

You are mistaken here. My belief is it causes happiness as well as sadness, so its movement is half like that of cat, its sound and looks are partly like that of a cat but it doesn't make it a cat. In other words, it doesn't make it a sickness itself.

I have not said it does not causes happiness. Falling in Love is one of the most exhilerating exeperience. But that is the infection that leads to the sickness. This virus must be diagnosed earlier enough and eradicated :-)

Whatever love is, it's not a mental illness/disorder.

Love Sickness:
Symptoms can include mania, such as an elevated mood and inflated self-esteem, or depression, revealing itself as tearfulness and insomnia...Aspects of obsessive compulsive disorder can also be found in those experiencing lovesickness, such as preoccupation and obsessively checking for text messages and e-mails

Seems like illness, feels like illness and behaves like an illness. Thus it is an illness :-)

What if they like you back? And they show it. You have got to be happy then. You ought not to pain yourself.

If it is that simple then it would that easy! Even when love is requited - it is not the end of the story. The love-sickness continues for a long time.

And there are some people who when love someone (have seen myself) don't want the other to love them back, but to lead a happy life him/herself.

Really? I don't understand this. Why would anyone want not be loved in return? It does not make sense.

But many times, yes, it's a pain.

And we want end to this pain. Just like a cancer patient wants an end to his pain.

There are some very firm believers who love what they call God so much that they say that this love has relieved them from pain rather than make their life painful.

Rumi and other mystical poets would disagree. The Yearning of the beloved continues till death and this yearning is coupled with sadness, sorrow and pain...there are moments of extreme exhileration no doubt...thus it leads to the mental illness of that of a manic depressive.

Love isn't mental illness - it's a choice that may reveal a "mental illness "of sorts. Infatuation makes us do stupid things, but we can't claim mental illness - we pretty much knew what we were doing when we jumped into this mess...

If love is a choice then I think we would not make it. But love is not a choice but love is something that happens to you. An invisible hand that reaches out and touches something deep inside and you have no choice but to respond to the joy and madness of it all....

While understanding that some people may develop unhealthy infatuations or obsessions, and that a broken heart is a miserable, dark and lonely thing...I have to wonder something. People develop eating disorders, should we do away with food? People develop insomnia, should sleeping be eliminated? No, because people need to eat and they need to sleep.

People get treatment for insomnia and eating disorders.

While I am sure people can survive without love (far better than they could manage without sleep or food), can they live well without it? Isn't it a quality of life issue?

Sleep is not an emotion. Eating is not an emotion. It is about survival.

On a weirdly related note, when I read the title for this thread it reminded me of that old song...(If Loving You Is Wrong) I Don't Want to Be Right If love is outlawed, only outlaws will have love! Or something like that.

Love sickness needs to be treated as oppose to being outlawed :-)

[Moira]

Very beautiful quote Bii.

99% of what i see around tells me 'love cannot last forever'.
It can but that is indeed a fortunate accident ...... and it happens so rarely.

It doesn't last because we evolve through life, and our needs are constantly changing and love might not last unless that partner has evolved in the same direction with us, and what are the chances for that to happen?

And also in long relationships partners arrive at one point where they start taking each other for granted.

No matter how wonderful the person, after a good while with them, we really just want to try something new.

[Lote-Tree]

No matter how wonderful the person, after a good while with them, we really just want to try something new.

Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds...

[Bii]

It doesn't last because we evolve through life, and our needs are constantly changing and love might not last unless that partner has evolved in the same direction with us, and what are the chances for that to happen?

It happens if you make it happen. You have to keep talking and caring and be honest. It doesn't really take more than that. What's the longest time you've maintained a friendship? Perhaps that gives an indication of how long a relationship will last.

And also in long relationships partners arrive at one point where they start taking each other for granted.

No matter how wonderful the person, after a good while with them, we really just want to try something new.

Well, after 14 years in the same relationship I can safely say I've never felt like I needed a change, and yes there are times where you take each other for granted because you have to, but that's the point - in a long term relationship it isn't all going to be wine and roses, there will be good times and difficult times and everyone should expect that. Do people really throw all that away just because they get a bit 'bored'?! Seems a little fickle to me. Do you doubt that people always love their children, even if sometimes they don't like them too much? What's the difference?

[Moira]

It happens if you make it happen. You have to keep talking and caring and be honest. It doesn't really take more than that. What's the longest time you've maintained a friendship? Perhaps that gives an indication of how long a relationship will last.



Well, after 14 years in the same relationship I can safely say I've never felt like I needed a change, and yes there are times where you take each other for granted because you have to, but that's the point - in a long term relationship it isn't all going to be wine and roses, there will be good times and difficult times and everyone should expect that. Do people really throw all that away just because they get a bit 'bored'?! Seems a little fickle to me. Do you doubt that people always love their children, even if sometimes they don't like them too much? What's the difference?

Maintaining friendships is not the same thing, it’s not the same degree of involvement and expectations.
It has similarities but the bond between two lovers is much stronger and so is their involvement and expectations from each other.

My relationship with my best friends started in high-school, lasted throughout university and further more and as far as i am concerned they will last forever because our bond is that strong.

Maybe your case is one of the fortunate ‘accidents’ and it’s beautiful to see it does happen from time to time. Maybe you were lucky to really meet the right person.
I had a 4 years relationship that ended because we evolved in different directions and when that happens you became frustrated and realize that love does not conquer all. Looking back after a while i just know it was the right thing to do, breaking up i mean.

People ‘throw’ things away for superficial reasons, i am not saying it’s right, i agree with you that is fickle but it does happen.

I don’t doubt people loving their children no matter what, that is unconditioned love. But can you tell me you will love your partner no matter what? I’m having a hard time believing that.

Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds...

I agree Lote, but tell me how many examples of that you see when you look around?

[Lote-Tree]

I agree Lote, but tell me how many examples of that you see when you look around?

:-) Poetry Moira - aspires for the Ideal. Shakespeare's Marriage of True Minds is indeed such an aspirations. That sonnet is one of the most evocative ideal of a Platonic Love. That is why Poetry makes us sick because it makes us feel inadequate in our failure to achieve that idealism :-(

But you are right Idealism and Practicality are not the same thing. No matter how much you love an individual, living with another individual on a permanent basis from day to day is one of the hardest thing in the world...

[Moira]

:-) Poetry Moira - aspires for the Ideal. Shakespeare's Marriage of True Minds is indeed such an aspirations. That sonnet is one of the most evocative ideal of a Platonic Love. That is why Poetry makes us sick because it makes us feel inadequate in our failure to achieve that idealism :-(

But you are right Idealism and Practicality are not the same thing. No matter how much you love an individual, living with another individual on a permanent basis from day to day is one of the hardest thing in the world...

Totally agree Lote, very well said.

I'm not saying that it's not possible, it's just that it happens so rarely that it became an exception to the rule and that is just sad.

[Bii]

Maintaining friendships is not the same thing, it’s not the same degree of involvement and expectations.
It has similarities but the bond between two lovers is much stronger and so is their involvement and expectations from each other.

Perhaps that's where you're going wrong, and where people go wrong in general. My husband, to me, is always my friend first, he's my best friend.

My relationship with my best friends started in high-school, lasted throughout university and further more and as far as i am concerned they will last forever because our bond is that strong.

So it can be done

I don’t doubt people loving their children no matter what, that is unconditioned love. But can you tell me you will love your partner no matter what? I’m having a hard time believing that.

Of course there are things that my husband could do which would test my love for him, for example if he were to become violent or had an affair (but that's pretty much it). In that scenario he would no longer be the person that I love. That being said, I'd imagine walking away from that relationship would be the hardest thing to do, and I'd probably still love him even so (or the 'him' that wasn't violent or adulterous).

I'm pretty sure that there are things that children do which test their parents love in an equivalent way. Imagine if one of your children killed another one of your children. Would your love still be unconditional then?

[kathycf]

Sleep is not an emotion. Eating is not an emotion. It is about survival.

I would courteously suggest you re-read what I wrote again, as I certainly did not suggest it was. What I said was it was a quality of life issue. I did not say people could not survive without it. Please don't put words into my mouth.

[Lote-Tree]

I would courteously suggest you re-read what I wrote again, as I certainly did not suggest it was. What I said was it was a quality of life issue. I did not say people could not survive without it. Please don't put words into my mouth.

I was going of this:

People develop insomnia, should sleeping be eliminated? No, because people need to eat and they need to sleep.

The analogy with needing love and sleep is I think incorrect.

[Turk]

Love is not a mental illness. Because love is necessary and no illness is necessity, everyone looks for love in their lives. If not a women's or man's love, at least looks for God love. Everyone wants to be loved. Only some people's love is kind of psychological problem, as an example, a girl who raised without father may always look for a strong and dominant man in her lifetime and can't be able to look for true love because of her obsession.

[kathycf]

I was going of this:

The analogy with needing love and sleep is I think incorrect.

How about this part?

No, because people need to eat and they need to sleep.

While I am sure people can survive without love (far better than they could manage without sleep or food), can they live well without it? Isn't it a quality of life issue?

[Lote-Tree]

How about this part?

Noted :-)

Thanks.

[Virgil]

Actually just considered this thread. I haven't read through the entire thread so I don't know if this was mentioned before. The notion that love is a mental illness is not a new one. It was certainly believed in the middle ages and it even figures in the 13th century work "The Romance of the Rose." I can't help but feel that I've come across this in Shakespeare many times.