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Thread: Poetry Contest

  1. #631
    in angulo cum libro Petrarch's Love's Avatar
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    Well, since the deadline is upon us, here's a last minute effort:

    He has traveled and he has traveled
    To Iraq and back
    Then with backpack
    And army issue duffel
    Along the long highways
    Of the fifty states,
    And again across an ocean.
    Now backpacking through Europe
    To round out the experience of youth,
    To find excuses to keep moving on,
    To make an army cut a rebel’s shaved head,
    To change into the uniform
    Of a wandering poet,
    Twenty-first century bard.

    The beat of the same songs,
    Still the beat of the same songs
    Have accompanied him through the experience
    Of food, sleep and death
    In lands of war and lands of peace.
    Now he wears those songs about his neck
    Prepared to try, in the beat of his own words,
    To fill the space between his hands
    In which he suspends the whole round earth as he has seen it.
    He searches for the words to show
    The way the wide curious eyes of children are the same
    As they watch him pass
    In a Jeep through Baghdad,
    In a Ford through Kansas,
    In a bus through London
    Searches for the words to show
    The white teeth of welcoming smiles
    The white teeth of grimacing pain
    Searches for the words to show
    Dirty alleys
    And long stretching grasslands.
    Hot desert sun
    And long northern nights of questioning darkness.

    She has lived her whole life in the same city
    And in the same city
    Of tree lined streets she walks to work each day
    And each day takes a break
    To have a smoke at noon.
    Sits on the steps
    Leans forward in the bright noon sun
    To hear the words of a stranger
    What he has to say
    What he has to share
    And he pauses before
    Simply asking for a light.

    "In rime sparse il suono/ di quei sospiri ond' io nudriva 'l core/ in sul mio primo giovenile errore"~ Francesco Petrarca
    "Follies and nonsense, whims and inconsistencies do divert me, I own, and I laugh at them whenever I can."~ Jane Austen

  2. #632
    Registered User rintrah's Avatar
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    OK, it's a little late - but here's the notice; this round of the contest is now closed. Thanks for all your entries. I shall post the results anon!
    Now comes the night of Enitharmons joy!
    Who shall I call? Who shall I send?

  3. #633
    Registered User rintrah's Avatar
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    Congratulations everyone - what an interesting and diverse poetic response to the image! I'd like to respond to each of the entries before posting the final results:

    Pendragon: Stairway Proposal
    I love the tension which builds up as you contrast the seemingly opposing forces, and then it is all finally resolved into harmony. The ending surprised me, a welcomed unexpected denouement! I loved the imagery completeness offered:'Then as his hands form a small circle', as if he is offering a symbol of wholeness, which she desires.

    GimmyDiamond: These steps aren't big enough
    This is a wickedly accurate internal monologue - haven't we all felt that at times! I was particularly struck by the 'Damn manners and/
    Not feeling right about ignoring him'. Here the woman has pressures from both sides; the more obvious force which is trying to engage her in conversation, and the more mystical sense of social responsibility and etiquette, which struggles and competes for attention. Though she wants to shut it out with, 'But the hell with it', it doesn't every really go away - this is the real tension at operation here.

    thefemalemind: Rap
    Wonderful rhythm here! And 'swinging his hands' gets us into the meter. Again there is a theme of social norms here - the central question 'how do I fit into society' is picked up with the idea that either I am crazy for not understanding this guy, or everyone else is crazy but me; 'What is it with these people?/ Or do I just not understand.'

    Another interesting theme here is the notion that a person is what they say - their speech defines them in some way. People are what they talk about, or even HOW they talk. The poem ends with the sense of mesmerizing trance that the rhythmically spoken words can induce - like a spell.

    Adolescent09: Blocked
    Wonderful use of oppositional ideas such as 'a pole of steel, in my wake' giving a sense of motion and movement, when in fact the 'action' is inert, the will stifled and the characters arrested. This tension builds; words 'flow' and move, as the wind may carry their ideas, but our protagonists are planted in concrete, boxed in and framed.

    AdoreroDio: A twenty-one year old runaway
    The poem draws you down one chain of thought and that cleverly inverts in the final line, making us want to reread to see if there is any hints that this was to happen! So we must examine the sincerity; the tone from the fifth line introduces the rejection of running away, but line eight is the one to watch - 'perhaps' hints at possibilities, if 12 maybe older still? The poem, while disparaging, 'you cannot run away from life', maintains the appeal; 'bags packed' sounds all too alluring!

    Orionsbelt: The Problem
    This clever poem picks up on several motifs from the picture and draws them together to develop the theme of polarity - oppositional but connected forces, 'similar, not the same'. I love the lines 'Man made, stone brigade/ Natures shade'. It operates to contrast the artifice and the natural so succinctly, and stone brigade for the steps is wonderful, as is the 'Cascading barriers'. There is a feeling of magnetism from the poles to the orbs, and push and pull of gravity, like some big generator or electro-magnetic engine turning over, and this is picked up by the rhythm of 'Two by two by two by two'

    Autolycus: Both ways at once
    The poems introduces us to the closeness we share with electrons, having five quantum numbers, and gives us a quantum recipe for humans: Friendships, Hardships, The will, Strangeness, and Magnetism. The rest of the poem seems to examine these notions, and shows that while we are made of the same 'stuff', we are so different; 'Humans can be bond-paired/Humans can be non-bonding'. There is a fascinating rhyming scheme at play here, which changes and develops, shifting like the variations and unpredictability of humans. The instability of humans is examined, and the closing remark sets us at odds with the natural world, which is more fixed and definite. Thus the poem sets out with our closeness to electrons, then in examining that closeness shows that we are in fact opposite.

    Petrarch's Love
    I love how the weight of experience and adventure is drawn to a an ironic 'Simply asking for a light'! The clever lines 'The white teeth of welcoming smiles/ The white teeth of grimacing pain' show us that things which appear the same can have very different meanings, setting us up for the ironic ending. I also loved the motif of transition: 'To make an army cut a rebel’s shaved head'. The woman here is offered as a willing ear, the man is presented as an perhaps an unwilling speaker, perhaps as one who fails to draw lasting conclusions about his experience. Yet it could be said that the woman operates at a much needed level of grounded reality - while the man is all ethereal experience.
    Last edited by rintrah; 03-08-2007 at 09:03 AM.
    Now comes the night of Enitharmons joy!
    Who shall I call? Who shall I send?

  4. #634
    Registered User rintrah's Avatar
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    Needless to say, a horribly difficult choice, and I'm sure you don't envy my job right now. But the conventions of the contest force me to select a single winner, so here goes. Congrats to everyone who participated in this round, your entries were a joy to read!

    The winner is autolycus with his poem Both ways at once.

    I loved the interesting definitions, the almost scientific quirkiness, the sheer dog-gone silvery slipperiness of the rhyming scheme, and the line 'These are the things which keep our songs alive/ Distill the stuff of dreams from our slumbers' is mesmerizing! Well done!

    Quote Originally Posted by autolycus View Post
    Introduction

    An electron has four quantum numbers,
    A human being made of dust has five:

    Friendships - number and degree, deception;
    Hardships - in sense of quality and weight;
    The will - to live, or die, or vegetate;
    Strangeness - of the inner mind's perception;
    Magnetism - attractive kinds of state.

    These are the things which keep our songs alive,
    Distill the stuff of dreams from our slumbers,
    Make sense of both pre- and post-conception.

    Deduction

    Given that electrons exist
    Here is a little human list:

    Humans can be bond-paired
    Humans can be non-bonding
    Humans can be so very scared
    When other humans are responding

    Humans can be lone-paired
    Humans can be radical in bent
    Humans can be startlingly shared
    By what seems a human accident

    Reduction

    I realise I am a singularity
    I look out of a window which cannot be:

    And I see at once with blinding clarity
    Electrons are fortunately not like me.
    Now comes the night of Enitharmons joy!
    Who shall I call? Who shall I send?

  5. #635
    Vincit Qui Se Vincit Virgil's Avatar
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    Congratulations Autolycus. That was very good and innovative. I like the originality of that.
    LET THERE BE LIGHT

    "Love follows knowledge." – St. Catherine of Siena

    My literature blog: http://ashesfromburntroses.blogspot.com/

  6. #636
    Not politically correct Pendragon's Avatar
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    Exclamation

    Congradulations Auto! What new picture awaits us now?
    Some of us laugh
    Some of us cry
    Some of us smoke
    Some of us lie
    But it's all just the way
    that we cope with our lives...

  7. #637
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    Congratulations Auto!!! A very productive piece

  8. #638
    Registered User Orionsbelt's Avatar
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    Congratulations Autolycus. I really like your poem. Shape changer ... good fit....

    Rintrah - your analysis is outstanding thank you for all of that effort.
    Last edited by Orionsbelt; 03-08-2007 at 12:05 PM.
    Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please. - Mark Twain

  9. #639
    in angulo cum libro Petrarch's Love's Avatar
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    Congratulations Autolycus! I think Rintrah made an excellent choice. Lovely sense of rhythm, with some memorable lines. I also particularly liked the ones Rintrah quoted and the whole "deduction" section.

    And, come to that, thanks to Rintrah for doing the work of judging and for giving us all some great feedback.

    "In rime sparse il suono/ di quei sospiri ond' io nudriva 'l core/ in sul mio primo giovenile errore"~ Francesco Petrarca
    "Follies and nonsense, whims and inconsistencies do divert me, I own, and I laugh at them whenever I can."~ Jane Austen

  10. #640
    Thinking...thinking! dramasnot6's Avatar
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    Congratulations Autolycus! I loved your unique interpretation of the structure of that poem.
    I declare after all there is no enjoyment like reading! How much sooner one tires of anything than of a book! When I have a house of my own, I shall be miserable if I have not an excellent library.


    Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice

  11. #641
    Left 4evr Adolescent09's Avatar
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    autolycus, without a doubt that is one of the greatest pieces of poetry I've seen around here. Terrific job. You definately deserved to win..
    My hide hides the heart inside

  12. #642
    Left 4evr Adolescent09's Avatar
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    Man, the more and more I read these poems, the better and better they get. I'm sorry for double posting but I just had to profess my compliments to everyone. I'm so fortunate to be just a little part of this great site..
    My hide hides the heart inside

  13. #643
    Our wee Olympic swimmer Janine's Avatar
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    Hi Everyone, Good job! Congratulations to autolycus, the winner! Excellent - I loved your unique poem. I have not read all but the entries yet but what I did read I felt highly impressed. I will try to read all that entered this round.
    Adolescent09, don't be so modest. I am so happy to see you finally posted and entered the contest. I always enjoy your wonderful insight and sensitive poetry and know you will be an asset to this site.
    Will be interested to see what the next picture will be.
    "It's so mysterious, the land of tears."

    Chapter 7, The Little Prince ~ Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

  14. #644
    Registered User rintrah's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Petrarch's Love View Post
    And, come to that, thanks to Rintrah for doing the work of judging and for giving us all some great feedback.
    Thanks Petrarch. By the way, I got your PM and replied. Sorry, I forgot to look at it for some time.
    Now comes the night of Enitharmons joy!
    Who shall I call? Who shall I send?

  15. #645
    quelling seasong's Avatar
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    Congrats to Autolycus! That was a wonderful poem. I adored it, especially since I've studied molecular orbital theory. It was so fun to see it applied to relationships. Amazing.
    Lost in silence.

    The general ramblings and mutterings of a starving artist:http://www.online-literature.com/for...p?userid=27522

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