Seasong - oh you are a beach bum! I love the beach, too, but have not actually been down to the shore since two years now. I miss it so. I am only about 60 miles away - an hour and 1/2 - the Jersey shore. I have to get down there this year for certain. Ca beach line is magnificent! Our beaches here are the best to actually swim and lounge on.
"It's so mysterious, the land of tears."
Chapter 7, The Little Prince ~ Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
Originally Posted by Janine
it is here that i must disagree, the salty relaxed air of the oregon coast does tend to lend it a recalitrancy that no other coastline has, maybe its just that oregon is perhaps just the greatest state...ever. not to dis on WA thought, love their coastline too, maybe because it is similar to our own, just with less of those lovely liberal portlanders.
Tristelle, I am totally in agreement with you and I am jealous. I have heard about Oregon's coastline and heard it is the best, most beautiful. Of course I have seen countless photos. I just meant for swimming, actual swimming. Isn't the water up that way too cold to swim in? I know Northern CA was cold in the water when I was there and you are futher north yet. For atmosphere and beauty you are absolutely right. However, I did very much like the Olympic Penninsula and went to Rialto Beach, where dramatic sea stacks make one want to write poetry. Does Oregon have the stacks, too? Just curious. Lucky you to live there!
Chapter 7, The Little Prince ~ Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
My dreams ran high
on sheets of glory amounting
to the sky,
on golden sparrow wings,
through lands of immaculate views,
in honey nestles of daytime springs,
in soft spoken words told only to you,
but on that carpet, on that wing,
wisked through views of spring
it crashed upon a bark so thick,
and drowned within a pond so deep,
the way dreams change,
so unprecedented, so swift,
made fresh then killed,
anew again,
only to repeat the cycle once more.
My hide hides the heart inside
..........
Last edited by Adolescent09; 02-05-2007 at 09:52 PM. Reason: deleting ........
My hide hides the heart inside
That's pretty 'Dole, but there's this. OK. You start with three lines, rhyming. Then a quadtrain with the same basic rhyme. Then a diffrent rhyme. Then free verse for the end. It really should all match, and I couldn't say which way to go. All of it is good. I might use each piece for the beginning and write a poem to go with each one. Just a thought. Oh, and if you object to being called 'Dole, just tell me. I'm bad for sticking people with nicknames.
Some of us laugh
Some of us cry
Some of us smoke
Some of us lie
But it's all just the way
that we cope with our lives...
Lol. I don't mind. Thanks Pendragon, you're very right.
My hide hides the heart inside
The Fifth Season
She loved the leaf’s first binding brown-
bursting buds to raise new blooms,
casting blood-clotted nets to span
an entire autumn-generated affair.
(Reflections cast with iron gilded soundings)
Yes, the brackets hold “my heart.”
Smooth withered ash rouses slumber-winds,
Throws around the old strewn trash land-
Fells her own trees in giant hollow wood mounds.
Drip, dew- remind us that dying hanged is to love,
to hold the bending branch and smile at tears
in gnarled, young hands whose fingers curl
To clasp the ever-growing strains, laughing.
And then winter holds the summer’s waist, casts
Around the ultimate excuse of rusted alien
Wheel spokes: the old nation lies, jealousy refined-
Where voids reside as truths and hope is happy-
there carpets blanket the soil in hypothermic thermoforms
(Letters strung together by specific instructions that
had the leaves to catch synthesised greens
but leave no sense excepting sleep impressions.)
One observes the bloom’s blood crimson
A thorn’s gentle kiss on sallow cheeks of white,
Where nights cut at cloths that know no spite-
Now in smiling sculptures loaded down.
Disney
Hey all. This is my first poem on here. Be gentle please!
Bit angry for me this one (!) and nowhere near as eloquent as some other works here. In a way I suppose thats kind of the idea.... but see what you think anyway!
Disney screwed me over
Like the guy who called me fat
Made me believe in whats not there
You ****ing Cheshire Cat
Prince Charming, he found rock and roll
Football beer and testosterone
Every little girls dream is a nightmare
That haunts women today
Westlife lied to me as well
Shouldn't be surprised
Telling how they love her so
in a way I now despise
Beauty loved her Beast long-time
But he turned to a cliche
Accepting whats the honest truth
Is hard to do today
Men are bastards, men are ****s
Thanks to publicity stunts
I can't love you as you are
'cause you don't have a horse you have a car.
And if they can't do anything right
Does that make them wrong?
Last edited by poppet; 02-06-2007 at 06:42 PM.
'ello, Poppet! Not 'alf bad, not at all. Hey, I'll quit with the accent, you want the serious criticism. Two things-- less language and work on the rhyme. Language should be avoided in poetry unless used for "shock value", and I don't think this poem needs it. The rhyme is fine except where I've marked it. Good luck! Pen
Some of us laugh
Some of us cry
Some of us smoke
Some of us lie
But it's all just the way
that we cope with our lives...
poppet. Hi, welcome to the forum.
I agree - I find the language in your poem offensive and obviously the moderators did as well, since they censored it several places. It really does not enhance your poem at all. I winched when I read those parts. The poem is well written, but a little too angry for my tastes. I imagine you are getting your point across about sterotypes and the image of the knight in shining armor and trying to live up to those unreal expectations, correct? This poem is awfully bitter though. Can you get your point across without all the hatred and bitterness? Is the bitterness directed at men in general? I was confused about this point.
Chapter 7, The Little Prince ~ Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
true, the water is waaay to cold to swim in, but for natural poetic scenery, its one of the best places, yeah, there are excellent sea stacks, in fact there is a great one by my beach house in cannon beach, if you want a cool picture, google "haystack rock". maybe i am projecting my personal preferences a bit, but i think it is way cool, check it out for yourself though
i am in agreance, it is an interesting piece, and i think it has within it a good message about broken dreams, but the profanity, hate, and the general one sidedness of it really turned me, off, maybe if you had a more wistful tone as to the loss of childhood dreams, with a bitter aftertaste, then your message would be better contained, as is, i say scrap it or give it some serious time.
That's ok, we can speak a little on here, between poetry posts, etc. I just looked at Cannon beach - it is amazing and soooo beautiful. Lucky lucky you living near there! And those West Coast sunsets are to die for. I am so jealous. Those photos are wonderful...love that site. The sea stack really does look just like a haystack - how strange and interesting it is. It reminds me of Morro Rock, but smaller (may have spelled that wrong) in S.CA. I just found this site on Rialto Beach on the Olympic Peninsula: http://www.nwexposures.org/publishIm...element45B.jpg
If you ever get a chance to go up there go - you will love it. By the way, I do love mostly "poetic scenery", so I could easily give up the ocean swim to see such natural beauty.
Triskele, thanks for your critique on Poppet's poem. You worded that really well. Poppet, don't get discouraged, but just use discretion next time.
Chapter 7, The Little Prince ~ Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
This is probably the darkest piece I ever wrote. Feel free to critique. If I cannot take it, I should not give it, correct?
HE DOESN’T NEED YOU NOW
You never had the time for him,
This child of your desire.
There were always so many things you felt were so much more important.
He tried in so many ways to tell you of the longing he felt,
But his pleas fell upon deaf ears.
Finally, he became so desperate for your attention,
He felt he had no choice,
And the sharp bark of a gun rent the summer night.
At his funeral, you shed a gallon of tears,
Sobbed about your loss,
And now you haunt his gravestone,
Though you were seldom in his room.
Your job suffers,
You lose so much sleep,
You long to hold him close—
All noble things:
But he doesn’t need you now…
D.L. Harris
© 1995
Some of us laugh
Some of us cry
Some of us smoke
Some of us lie
But it's all just the way
that we cope with our lives...
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