Anyone for Coffee? (no boys allowed)

[Madhuri]

I listened to my fiancee.

sorry to interrupt...

I would say -- listen to yourself.....what does you heart says???

So far you have been listening to either your friend or fiancee, and I think they are trying to steer the way for you, telling you what to do....

friend -- tell your fiancee -- you do as he says
fiancee -- dont talk to him -- and again you do what he says....

where is your opinion or wish in here.....

EDIT -- since I dont know the whole story, so please ignore if this advise seems irrelevant....

[Nightshade]

yes only I have no popcorn...

sorry its just since Ive never had a boyfriend type thing I fiiger to learn from other people

[Misscaroline]

Night's going to have an aneurysm!

Grace, you don't know how happy I am to know the story. Let me think... have you tried to make Fiancee realize that you wanted him to know the truth, but that you would never act on the knowledge of Friend's feelings? I think that would give it a start- put Fiancee back in line, since he wasn't exactly kosher in telling you what to do.
Next, is it Friend who has a problem not being friends? Or not being more than friends? If friend can accept being friends, then you three might be able to find some equilibrium... Or is Friend upset because you don't/won't reciprocate the feeling? That's an entire different thing...

And Madhuri, that is good advice. Grace, how DO you feel about all of this?

[grace86]

Interruption okay! It is a girl issue is it not?!

What do I want? To not be so confused!!!!! Well, I wish I could go back to having both of them happily coexist, because that would make my existence a little less tense. I used to be able to have both. But it is clear I have to decide now. What I want is to know the right thing to do (don't worry, I am not asking for anyone to answer this for me )

[Misscaroline]

Wish granted- you will find out what to do, and it will be exactly what you wanted all along! (No bad side effects.)

[grace86]

Night's going to have an aneurysm!

Grace, you don't know how happy I am to know the story. Let me think... have you tried to make Fiancee realize that you wanted him to know the truth, but that you would never act on the knowledge of Friend's feelings? I think that would give it a start- put Fiancee back in line, since he wasn't exactly kosher in telling you what to do.
Next, is it Friend who has a problem not being friends? Or not being more than friends? If friend can accept being friends, then you three might be able to find some equilibrium... Or is Friend upset because you don't/won't reciprocate the feeling? That's an entire different thing...

And Madhuri, that is good advice. Grace, how DO you feel about all of this?

Fiancee does realize I wouldn't act on any of that. He is just insecure because I really valued the friendship with my best friend. He thinks it would cause problems if things "went back to normal"

My best friend, in saying what he did, was only trying to be honest with me. Everything was honest between us. He was fine with the fact that I wouldn't return his sentiments, and I guess you could say - even moved on. He is just upset probably because he wants things to go back to normal.

(I should write a short story on all of this. I think I would have all female vote )

[Nightshade]

Well excuse me but just a thought maybe if you dont feel the same as friend its probably best for him as well as for your current stress levels to just be cut off for a while.

Sorry I went to seeThe Holiday last night.

[grace86]

Well excuse me but just a thought maybe if you dont feel the same as friend its probably best for him as well as for your current stress levels to just be cut off for a while.

Sorry I went to seeThe Holiday last night.

That's one of options I was thinking about.

[Misscaroline]

grace86, it sounds like you're getting to that ideal stage of knowing what to do. I hope we've helped a little. If you need to talk some more, I'll be back in a little while! Until then, may you be blessed with some unnamed power or simply by luck to head in the right direction!

<3 MC (I'll be back shortly...)

[grace86]

Wish granted- you will find out what to do, and it will be exactly what you wanted all along! (No bad side effects.)

Why thank you!

[grace86]

grace86, it sounds like you're getting to that ideal stage of knowing what to do. I hope we've helped a little. If you need to talk some more, I'll be back in a little while! Until then, may you be blessed with some unnamed power or simply by luck to head in the right direction!

<3 MC (I'll be back shortly...)

Yeah, I will be okay regardless...confusion is part of my daily habit. But it is time for lunch.

[Virgil]

Well MC, just letting you know cuz you and I were discussing it yesterday and the day before I think...just letting you know how it turned out.

Hm, story, kinda long. Short (very very short) version goes like this: I've had guy best friend for six years. Fiancee doesn't like him, like an idiot I try to keep both best friend and fiancee...doesn't work. Umm, fiancee told me to not talk to best friend (which is a long story in itself) and after a series of events where I ignored best friend in presence of fiancee, best friend now ignoring me permanently....reciprocity.

Grace, just to add my two cents here. Without knowing the long version with all the details, I think you got a situation which is incompatible. I suspect you may have to choose here. I take it as a finacee you're going to get married. It's not easy for one spouse (and this applies to either sexes) to have his/her spouse be best friends with a person of the opposite sex. It might work out in some situations, but I think that's not the majority. The majority of times the suspicions and dynamics of the three relationships will undermine the marriage.

[grace86]

Grace, just to add my two cents here. Without knowing the long version with all the details, I think you got a situation which is incompatible. I suspect you may have to choose here. I take it as a finacee you're going to get married. It's not easy for one spouse (and this applies to either sexes) to have his/her spouse be best friends with a person of the opposite sex. It might work out in some situations, but I think that's not the majority. The majority of times the suspicions and dynamics of the three relationships will undermine the marriage.

I know Virgil. And thank you. I do realize the situation as how you've mentioned and I think that's what makes it hard to grasp, is that I've always been able to have both, and now, it is a choice. But I will make a choice, and not torture the others involved in my attempts to make one. Things happen for a reason. Thanks again Virgil.

[Virgil]

I know Virgil. And thank you. I do realize the situation as how you've mentioned and I think that's what makes it hard to grasp, is that I've always been able to have both, and now, it is a choice. But I will make a choice, and not torture the others involved in my attempts to make one. Things happen for a reason. Thanks again Virgil.

I don't think you're torturing us. I'm glad if I can help. I'm just sorry I had to deliver a somber opinion.

[grace86]

I don't think you're torturing us. I'm glad if I can help. I'm just sorry I had to deliver a somber opinion.

I definitely don't want to torture any LitNet members, but what I was saying is that I have to make a decision without torturing my fiancee or my best friend - as that would just make things ugly.

Your somber opinion was fine. I am just not too used to being an open book online.