Also, Kelly, if you're serious about editing, can you send it to me as a Word document? I am into the Preface and it suddenly occurred to me that I was itching to edit a couple of obvious things you'd probably find on your next read through anyway. (I've done such editing before in another context altogether, and you can just accept or reject the Comments . . . .). Otherwise, I won't edit at all but will just give you impressions when I finish reading, OK?
Edit away, my dear! I fear no pen!
As for posting in Word, I tried but didn't see how it was done. (I'm still reading a lot here and comparing my experiences here experiences I've had and things I've done in other venues.)
--Kelly
...But if he wants to carry the cat that way, I say, "Let him!" It's not easy being eccentric.
Samuel Clemens' 70th birthday speech
OK. I'm still learning this site, too. I don't want to deprive any other erstwhile "editor" but send me what you've got in Word and I'll edit away. Different from giving you my impressions, right? send to [email protected]. And stay tuned . . .
BTW, Kelly, I lived in Denver for a very short year in the 70s, and passed through (or flew into) Denver during my skiing years in Brekenridge. Great town, Denver. You're a mile high, right? Should go a long way for a writer . . .
So...? Have you read enough to form an opinion yet?
--Kelly
...But if he wants to carry the cat that way, I say, "Let him!" It's not easy being eccentric.
Samuel Clemens' 70th birthday speech
Not yet. Hang on.
Kelly - I'm going to jump right in, OK?
First of all, you've hooked me into the story already. You are only pushing me away with your attempt at the brogue. Contemporary English-speakers' ears (and brains) can handle "'tis", "ye", "lass", "m'lady", "nay", "aye", "'til" and the like, but the smoothness of your writing that carries us along with a pace that accelerates appropriately with the events in the story, is oddly interrupted when you ask us to "hear" a word by simply changing the spelling, or when you are showing off by using a word whose meaning we have to guess. Even if we guess correctly, that's not what the experience is about. We want to be allowed the illusion of being able to participate in the story and its characters and time. But please respect us, your readers. For example, "Faither" is unnecessary, so are "wael", "aul", "whar" and "Gawd." We can "hear" what the characters are saying through the music of your writing, without your "helping" us by changing the spelling. That injects you, the writer, into the story. You (and your control) are no longer invisible. (Same effect when you have a child say "OK", by the way. The child didn't say "OK", you did.) Also, reconsider using words that we have to guess at, even though it's easy to guess their meaning, we must stop to guess, and are mildly annoyed when we realize you've simply used a 16th century word that doesn't materially affect the story, e.g., sgeuls, sgeulaiche, seanmhair, shirka.
I recall being aware that David Liss was using language that evoked 17th century Amsterdam or 18th century London without forcing us to listen with his ear, but rather by confining the storytelling and the spoken language of the characters to the vernacular of the relevant century. Sarah Dunant was able to do it with 16th century Venice, as well . . .
Whew. This is difficult to write about. It can't help but come off harsh. I'd rather have just circled certain words with my little red pen and let you get the idea. And the real reason I'd rather have done that is that I absolutely love the period, the characters and the story, to the extent that I've tasted them all so far. You have a huge talent. All you need is an editor.
It was an honor to get to read it at this point. Thank you. And stay with it.
Suzie
Thank you, so much, Suzie! That was exactly the kind of thing I needed to hear. I'm very, almost inexpressibly, grateful that you wrote this out instead of just circling certain words.
I knew in my gut that I was doing too much. I was just so afraid that I'd not be presenting the 16th century faithfully that I let myself get carried away with the brogue. That's why I asked specifically about the brogue when posting the story here. I wanted to know, before I had written any more of it, where the center of the road lay. I knew I wasn't writing the way I needed to be writing, but I just needed someone impartial to tell me what to do about it.
Thank you, again, Suzie. Don't think of yourself as harsh, please. Harsh would be: "This is awful. You need to quit writing and get a day job." You were honest, detailed, and making solid observations. I value what you've given me. Thank you.
--Kelly
...But if he wants to carry the cat that way, I say, "Let him!" It's not easy being eccentric.
Samuel Clemens' 70th birthday speech
Does anyone else have any comments or suggestions or critiques for me on this?
--Kelly
...But if he wants to carry the cat that way, I say, "Let him!" It's not easy being eccentric.
Samuel Clemens' 70th birthday speech
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