Limoncello

[Virgil]

OK. I've finally written another. Let me know what you think. All comments will be appreciated.

Limoncello

A rainy evening in April
Brings us out to celebrate
The observance of her bearing,
The kiss on the cheek,
The flick of the light switch,
A scent of her florid perfume
As we pass our glinting threshold.

Unfolding the umbrella,
A heavy fall of spring rain
Feeds the tulips and the budding grapevines
As we rush to the car, cold and wet
Another kiss as we settle in with a sigh
I turn the key and headlights gleam,
A Saturday night, a saturnalia of sorts.

An Italian restaurant.
Across at dinner, a quiet corner
We smile and listen, laughter of families,
Ting-a-ling of china and wine bottles
Her luminous face lights the table,
A singer trills Italian songs,
The waiter brings our wine.

A lovely smile, lambent and dark,
Chiaroscuro lips proudly assert,
“I do not look my age.”
My glass of Cabernet licks my tongue
And a thought, do I feel my age,
Having drifted entwined until sunrise
And run three miles in the morning?

Seafood in a marinara sauce
Mussels, shrimp, clams, calamari
Fructi di Mare, over linguine and crushed pepper.
Another glass of Cabernet – Yes –
Brings thoughts of sailors in rough seas,
Farmers with tomatoes and garlic on sunny days;
But, oh, a tuft of grey beneath the dye.

Carrot cheese cake and espresso
With a sliver of lemon peel.
“Would you care for a Sambucca,
Or perhaps a side of Limoncello?”
Limoncello? Yes, a side of Limoncello
Sweet and bitter, snappish and acerbic,
In a conical glass on a stem.

The table, stolidly plane, is now clear
And I stiffen to an alcohol induced buzz
Like a fly entering the cerebellum,
Or is it trying to get out?
The cloudy, chilled liquid, lemon-scented,
Distorts her face as light bends and swerves.

Bending and swerving I fidget childishly
Rocked to rain and flowers and song,
I imagine nestling up to her breast,
Swallowing the last drop of Limoncello,
Not truly believing that my conquering heart
Will one day cease to beat against
The darkness of the universe.


edit: I went and corrected the spelling of Limoncello.

[Jarndyce]

There are some really nice images here:

"A heavy fall of spring rain/Feeds the tulips and the budding grapevines" (nice initial nod to the wine, as well)

"A lovely smile, lambent and dark,/Chiaroscuro lips proudly assert"

"Brings thoughts of sailors in rough seas,/Farmers with tomatoes and garlic on sunny days"

"Sweet and bitter, snappish and acerbic,/In a conical glass on a stem."

I think that there is some tidying up you could do, snip a couple of bits here and there, prune some of those straggling vines. I'd like to see the poem end on a more vibrant image, and would consider just cropping off the last three lines, leaving as the ending:

"Rocked to rain and flowers and song,
I imagine nestling up to her breast,
Swallowing the last drop of Lemoncello"

Leaving on this image would tie you back soundly to the start, nicely closing the door that you opened with "A rainy evening in April." I understand the subtext of the narrator questioning his own mortality and age, but perhaps that could be bolstered in ways other than that exposition at the end.

And I don't like the wordy "The observance of her bearing." In fact, just by slipping in the line (nicely placed, by the way) "I do not look my age" would probably be enough to let us know it's a birthday night out.

Still, nice work.

[Riesa]

Hey Virg, lovely poem, I especially love the bits about Italian food, I'm hungry now.

My favorite lines:

A Saturday night, a saturnalia of sorts

Sweet and bitter, snappish and acerbic,
In a conical glass on a stem.

The cloudy, chilled liquid, lemon-scented,
Distorts her face as light bends and swerves.

I'm looking forward to your next.

[Xamonas Chegwe]

Virgil,

When I saw you'd posted I must admit that I expected to see a formal rhyme-scheme, strict, iambic meter and classical references. I'm not disappointed though, the piece has merit without any of that.

Perhaps a little over-long in its descriptions of food (not a poem to read on an empty stomach!) I agree with Jarndyce about the last verse - although, I'm not sure I would have thought of it by myself, it's one of those now-that-you-mention-it kind of things.

All in all, a good poem but in need of a little trimming IMHO.

[Mililalil XXIV]

The best thing about the poem is that it feels like a real day in another's life becomes the one the reader passes, getting a vivid taste of another's life, like eating at a guest's home, taking in the filling calories like those you'd ingest at home, except with the taste of another's cooking. You sit at the host's table, with your own family at hand, but you all are absorbed with the atmosphere of another's home that has seen its own day. You feel like you're tasting another's recipe for a dish you have tasted many times by a more familiar cook. Know what I mean? jajaja with a dialectical spelling and all that! A familiar feeling of time with feelings impressed on the moments which are feelings carried in a day you may have had yourself - but with the taste of Virgil's experience of it. A very vivid thing to carry the aftertaste of as your focus moves back to your own vantage point of the passing moments.

[Virgil]

Thanks all. I really appreciate all your comments. More specifically:

I'd like to see the poem end on a more vibrant image, and would consider just cropping off the last three lines, leaving as the ending:

"Rocked to rain and flowers and song,
I imagine nestling up to her breast,
Swallowing the last drop of Lemoncello"

Jarndyce - You've identified the thing I struggled the most with it. I have considered either altering or deeting the last three lines, but I couldn't bring mysef to cut it or I couldn't come up with anything better. I'll let the poem sit for a while and then consider your suggestion.

All in all, a good poem but in need of a little trimming IMHO.

Thanks Xam and I think Jarndyce also had a similar comment about wordiness. I don't know. I'm not a believer that minimalism in and of itself makes something better. As long as it's not redundant I don't feel uncomfortable with wordiness.

Thanks to Riesa and Mililalil. Your comment Mil, "A very vivid thing" is the ultimate compliment that can be paid. Everything I write I apply Joseph Conrad's objective: To make the reader see.

[jon1jt]

I really like the atmosphere you've created here. This poem could have been aptly titled, "Scenes from an Italian Restaurant," a tune by that old master, Billy Joel. The wordiness doesn't overwhelm the poem at all because there's so much to take in, and the lines flow one into another. It's a quick read, I thought. The first two stanzas create the romantic ambience, and lead us right to the food, ahhhh, wonderful food!!! Virgil, you know how to have a good time, I know that much!


A rainy evening in April

A heavy fall of spring rain
Feeds the tulips and the budding grapevines

Having drifted entwined until sunrise
And run three miles in the morning?

Brings thoughts of sailors in rough seas,
Farmers with tomatoes and garlic on sunny days;

Rocked to rain and flowers and song,

Will one day seize to beat against
The darkness of the universe.

Subtle and very effective is the mood developed through weaving various images of nature, and the final lines cleverly juxtapose his heart's passion against "the darkness of the universe."


An Italian restaurant.
Across at dinner, a quiet corner
We smile and listen, laughter of families,
Ting-a-ling of china and wine bottles
Her luminous face lights the table,
A singer trills Italian songs,
The waiter brings our wine.
"Ting a ling" is playful yet has a descriptive power and also spices up the stanza some.


This is a great poem, or one I really enjoyed reading. Thanks for sharing, Virgil.

[Pensive]

I agree with jon1jt that the atmosphere created is wonderful! I like it a lot, Virgil.

[Virgil]

Thank you Jon and Pensy.

Jon - I take it then you like those last three lines? It's what I'm struggling with.

[Petrarch's Love]

Thanks for posting this Virg. I enjoyed it, though I'm glad I've got the fixings for a fetuccine alfredo tonight, because it made me hungry for Italian food (alas, no lemoncello in the house though). I like the subject of this poem, and I like the way you've presented this Saturday night "saturnalia." I like the little details--the mention of the "glinting threshold," the tulips and the vines of the garden, her "chiaroscuro lips," the descriptions of the food, and the way the lines settle contentedly around that "side of Lemoncello/ Sweet and bitter, snappish and acerbic,/In a conical glass on a stem." I'm also glad to see that both of you feel younger than your years. The poem is a really good description of a night full of love and food and drink and all the good things.

That said, I think there are some places where it could be streamlined a bit. I think you need to either cut, or come up with a more graceful way of saying "the observance of her bearing." It keeps standing out as a cumbersome line to me. I'm also in agreement with whoever suggested to cut the last three lines. Either that or replace them with something new, but I like the idea of ending on the word "lemoncello" in echo of the title. I found the ending both abrupt and confusing the way it stands.
Overall though, an enjoyable poem.

P.S. I just wondered, is "lemoncello" an Italian American spelling or is it a slightly different drink than "limoncello"? The last place I had it was when I was in the Cinque Terre, and I'm sure it was spelled "limoncello" there, but I've seen it with the "e" as well before so I was curious. Any way you spell it it's good stuff--and definately inclined to produce a pleasant buzz in the cerebellum.

[Virgil]

P.S. I just wondered, is "lemoncello" an Italian American spelling or is it a slightly different drink than "limoncello"? The last place I had it was when I was in the Cinque Terre, and I'm sure it was spelled "limoncello" there, but I've seen it with the "e" as well before so I was curious. Any way you spell it it's good stuff--and definately inclined to produce a pleasant buzz in the cerebellum.

Thanks for your comments, Petrarch. They are appreciated. I don't know about the spelling. I just assumed it was spelled that way because that's how it's pronounced. I've got a bottle in my refrigerator, and when I go home tonight I'll go and look. Of course, that will make me want to take a few shots.

edit:
Well, on line encyclopedia confirms your spelling. Thanks. I'm still going to dip into that bottle tonight.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limoncello

[Petrarch's Love]

Bevi bene!

[jon1jt]

Virg---I really like the last stanza, especially the last three lines, which affirms the character's passion. To cut them is equivalent to a castration!! Don't do it!

[rachel]

It was like taking a trip back to Little Italy and the European district of many large cities I have been to. The well to do richness and the smell of good food, the pungent tingle to the nose of the wine, the contentment in the ritual of eating and drinking and living is well captured.I didnt' think it overlong either, having grown up in the restaurant business all thru childhood I know the time it takes to do things right and it is almost like real time.

[Virgil]

Virg---I really like the last stanza, especially the last three lines, which affirms the character's passion. To cut them is equivalent to a castration!! Don't do it!

Jon - I won't. I'm too attached to those lines. Although I understand the point that those that want me to delete make.

Thank you Rachel.