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Thread: Hear Me Not !!!

  1. 05-04-2006, 01:08 PM #1
    arabian night
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    Hear Me Not !!!

    I would like to share my FIRST poem in English I tried to write in my own language once...But this is my first time in English...I was always sure that I wont be able to write a poem because i believe I have no talent..anyway before 2 months I thought why not give it a try..I hope its acceptable

    Hear me not!!

    As always, hear me not.
    Shut me, in the sunny day and hot
    or even, in the chilly day and frost.

    Silent, I've always been.
    Pleasure, I've never seen.
    Oppressed, but my soul is keen
    to start all over and redeem.

    This is life, hard and ugly.
    But, I will raise my voice so loudly
    that even the kingdom of far away
    will hear my noise, and will lay
    down because my word has conveyed.
    "The aim, if reached or not, makes great the life: Try to be Shakespeare, leave the rest to fate!"
    Robert Browning
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  2. 05-14-2006, 01:22 AM #2
    Foxvoices
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    There is power here

    I liked it for the power that is related here. Just two suggestions--1) the second line should probably start "shut me out", and the last line should probably include the word "was" instead of "has". Just my opinion so take it or leave it. I really enjoyed the directness of it.
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  3. 05-25-2006, 04:06 AM #3
    arabian night
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    Thanks I am pleased to read your suggestions
    "The aim, if reached or not, makes great the life: Try to be Shakespeare, leave the rest to fate!"
    Robert Browning
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  4. 05-28-2006, 02:22 AM #4
    Mililalil XXIV
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    I find this poem so readily enjoyable as an example of talent. No qualm with your English either.
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  5. 06-02-2006, 10:33 AM #5
    arabian night
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    Thank you very much Mililalils I am really touched..and your replies gave me a motive to continue writing
    "The aim, if reached or not, makes great the life: Try to be Shakespeare, leave the rest to fate!"
    Robert Browning
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  6. 01-26-2009, 07:48 AM #6
    lukelord
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    Quote Originally Posted by Foxvoices View Post
    the second line should probably start "shut me out", and the last line should probably include the word "was" instead of "has".
    very much agree with the sugestion, reading it through with the sugestions sounds better but other than that it is an amazing poem and i can feel the power in which it is refering to.
    Love is when someone gets their heart broken and instead of crying appologises for doing wrong even if they did nothing at all
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  7. 01-26-2009, 08:06 AM #7
    hoope
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    its a nyc poem .. i liked it and you may try to improve some stanza as they said up
    but other than that is great & good try , keep writing in english
    hope i can read some 4 u in Arabic u mention that you write in that .

    best of wishes
    "He is asleep. Though his mettle was sorely tried,
    He lived, and when he lost his angel, died.
    It happened calmly, on its own,
    The way the night comes when day is done."


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  8. 01-26-2009, 09:56 AM #8
    arabian night
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    Wow guys i posted this ages ago thanks and I did change it according to the suggestions

    Thank you again lukelord and hoope you boosted my spirit
    "The aim, if reached or not, makes great the life: Try to be Shakespeare, leave the rest to fate!"
    Robert Browning
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