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Thread: Premonition

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    Registered User 108 fountains's Avatar
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    Premonition

    Linh had experienced visions ever since she could remember. Sometimes they took the form of dreams, sometimes they came as sudden, direct thoughts, most of the time they manifested themselves as vague feelings – a tingling lightness, a giddiness, if good luck was in the offing; an uneasy, shivering shudder if misfortune lurked in the shadows. Over the years, her neighbors in the little fishing village where she and her husband lived had developed a habit of seeking her advice before pursuing any significant undertaking. Her husband was annoyed by their whispers that Linh could predict the future.

    She tried to explain it once to a neighbor. “When I close my eyes and let myself float, I become aware of this vast, incredibly intricate, extremely beautiful, complex web that connects all places, all people, and all times. Events are unavoidable because the web draws us in, pulling, pulling, pulling us inescapably to a convergence within the web itself. And like a spider’s web, certain places on the web dazzle with dewdrops in the morning sunlight, but other places are dark and deadly. Sometimes I am aware of the entire web, but only vaguely; sometimes I perceive a certain area of the web, but not clearly; and sometimes I feel myself dancing on a single strand of the web and feel its vibrations go through me. Those are the times when I have my clearest premonitions.”

    One night, just before the New Year’s Tet holiday, quivering fragments of dreams chased her like hungry, howling hounds through the misty blue-green jungle. Serpents raised their heads. Birds pecked at the window. In her wakeful somnolence, she instinctively wrapped her arms and legs around her husband, clasping him tighter, ever tighter. For some moments she awoke completely and gazed on his rugged, wind-carved, salt-seasoned face in the copper moonlight. A tear seeped from his eye in slumber. The surf broke rhythmically, restlessly, breathlessly on the rocky shore.

    In the morning, she begged him not to go out in his boat. Her premonitions were usually vague, she admitted, but this time she was sure the dreams were a warning to avoid the sea. He dismissed her apprehensions with his usual impatient jeer. “I have to earn a living, do I not? I am a fisherman, am I not? Save your dreams for your superstitious friends. I am a man of the world – this world. And I cannot be bothered with dreams.”

    She cried the entire day. When they carried his body back into the village in the early evening, she was already dressed in white.

    With no children and no near relations to take care of her, Linh began a new life in middle age as a roaming fortune-teller. She traveled from town to town, village to village, and hamlet to hamlet, staying for two or three days in the smaller hamlets, two or three weeks in the larger towns. She laid a white cloth on the ground, placed incense sticks in a goblet filled with sand, placed thirty coins in three rows of ten on the cloth, kept pencils and slips of paper nearby, wrapped a silken red scarf around her neck, and put her conical non-la hat on her head in preparation for her customers.

    Linh did not use all the paraphernalia that some other fortune tellers used, although she understood the importance of “putting on a show” for the customers. Sometimes, she gathered the coins in her cupped hands and requested the customer to take out a handful. Then she would have them place the coins they had chosen back down on the cloth where she would feign to “read” them. Sometimes she asked her customers to write down their date and time of birth on a slip of paper. Sometimes she would go into a trance to communicate with the spirits. All these activities were part of the show. The real fortune telling began when she examined her customers’ hands – the tactile contact often induced the intuitive sensation she sought for genuine premonitions. These sensations usually were so vague as to border on being nonexistent, but occasionally, the impressions produced vivid glimpses of half-formed figures that fluttered before her eyes like dreams in wakefulness – vibrating strands in the web.

    Once, a young mother – most of her customers were women – came to have her fortune told. After chafing the woman’s hands a few moments, Linh suddenly felt an urgency and blurted out, “Go home! Run! Your daughter! She needs you now!” Frightened, the woman ran down the dirt road to her home about a mile away to find that her ten-year-old daughter had cut her hand badly with a knife while slicing onions to help prepare the evening meal. The mother was able to stop the bleeding and bring her daughter to the village clinic for medical attention. That incident made Linh something of a local celebrity. Word spread, and she thereafter never had a shortage of customers wherever she traveled.

    One hot, sultry mid-morning, Linh walked past sparkling emerald green rice paddies to the local community house of a small hamlet near the sea. The dinh was a small structure of bamboo and thatch, surrounded by banana and coconut trees. Two water buffalo lolled in the grassy area in front. A monk lived there, and Linh received his permission and his blessing before she spread out her sheet. A crowd of twenty or thirty women had gathered before she had even finished lighting her incense sticks and lining up her coins – nearly all of the men had already left for their work in the fields.

    Linh felt somewhat queasy as she took her seat on a small plastic stool. She ascribed it to the heat and humidity. She called over the first woman in the queue, a smiling woman wearing a green smock over a red shirt and black ankle-length skirt, who looked to be between 30 and 35 years old. “What is your name?” asked Linh as she took the woman’s right hand in her own.

    “My name is Quy, Ha thi Quy,” said the woman with an eager expression. She and all the other women here and in the surrounding hamlets had heard about Linh’s powers, and were anxious to learn what the future had in store for them.

    The unsettled feeling in Linh’s stomach worsened. Beads of perspiration dropped from her face. She continued to hold the woman’s hand and closed her eyes. She heard a kind of rumbling – a mechanical rumbling – loud, deafening, horrendous, reverberating with a rhythmic insistence. Then, as if far in the distance, she heard screaming – not actual screams, but more like far-away echoes of screams, awful, agonizing, appalling – emanating from a ditch of misery.

    Linh opened her eyes. She looked around at the other women who had gathered about. She looked from face to face. Some of them were younger; some of them were older. All of them were smiling. All of them were eager for a glimpse into the future. Linh continued to hold the woman’s hand. She suddenly felt dizzy and disoriented. She momentarily lost her balance and nearly fell off her stool. She faintly heard the voices of the women murmuring with concern. Linh closed her eyes again and saw flashes of light; she heard small bursts of explosions in rapid fire. She saw flames and heard them crackling from burning straw buildings, and she smelled smoke, and she smelled blood. She saw groups of people, women and children, huddled together, frightened. She saw strange looking men with foreign faces, some with blue eyes, some with black skin, and some with red hair. And she heard the screams again, this time not as echoes, but unmistakable, frantic screams of terror, and crying, and loss, and grief, and despair, and devastation.

    Linh opened her eyes. She was pale and trembling. She told the women she was not feeling well. She was ill and could not go on. A wave of disappointment swept through the assembly. Most of the women walked back to their homes. A few stayed – one of them brought Linh fresh, cold water to drink, another brought steamed dumplings, yet another brought lukewarm green tea. The woman Quy was disconcerted. After Linh had composed herself somewhat, Quy asked her, “Was it something you saw in my hand? Is there some evil in my future?”

    Linh took a deep breath. “It was not just you,” she said. “It was everyone here. I don’t know. I’m not sure what it was I felt. It was so strange, so frightening. I felt that there are these people, these men, these foreign men, and that they are coming here. They are coming from a great distance, and they are being drawn here by forces beyond their control. And yes, there will be evil – a great evil.”

    Two or three of the women gasped. They all passed glances among each other, some fearful, some incredulous. Quy said, “That can’t be right. That can’t be true. Why should any foreign men come to this little farming village? What forces could be drawing them here?”

    On the same day, a little known Viet Minh general by the name of Vo Nguyen Giap was commanding the bombardment of an airstrip at a place called Dien Bien Phu nearly six hundred miles away.

    A world away, in Washington DC, a United States Senator named Joseph McCarthy continued his campaign to frighten Americans about the dangers of Communism. Across town, U.S. President Eisenhower fretted about the situation of the French in Indochina, and contemplated the “falling domino principle.”

    Little Rusty Calley, small even for his eleven years, was hoping his father would take him to see one of the Brooklyn Dodgers’ spring training “A” games at the stadium not far from his family’s two story stucco house in Miami.

    Five-year-old Varnado Simpson, lay asleep in the small house where his family lived in the poorer section of Jackson, Mississippi, perhaps dreaming of angels.

    Seventeen-year-old Earnest Medina of Springer, New Mexico, fifteen-year-old David Mitchell of Saint Francisville, Louisiana, eight-year-old Paul Meadlo, eight-year-old Jerry Smith, seven-year-old Charlie Hutto, Mike Terry, Gene Oliver, Tommy Willingham, and many other little boys lay snug asleep thousands of miles away, safe in their homes.

    – All of them caught on strands in the web, and the web drawing them in, slowly but inexorably, its pull almost imperceptible, but finally inevitable.
    Last edited by 108 fountains; 03-18-2014 at 11:32 AM.
    A just conception of life is too large a thing to grasp during the short interval of passing through it.
    Thomas Hardy

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    Registered User Calidore's Avatar
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    This was well done. A few suggestions:

    * IMO, it would help establish a look and feel if it's made clear earlier that this is set in a small fishing village.

    * "There was that night just before the New Year’s Tet holiday when quivering fragments of dreams..." is pretty awkward. Better: "One night, just before the New Year’s Tet holiday, quivering fragments of dreams..."

    * "Necromancer" doesn't quite fit, as that implies actively summoning the dead. "Medium" is closer to what she presents herself as (although "clairvoyant" is what she is).

    * "They were startled to see she was already dressed in white." Since you state early on that she already has a reputation with the neighbors, "They were not surprised to see she was already dressed in white" seems more plausible and adds effect.

    * The line beginning "On the same day..." works perfectly as a capper. Everything after just feels redundant. Is any of that actually needed?
    You must be the change you wish to see in the world. -- Mahatma Gandhi

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    Registered User glennr25's Avatar
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    Awesome little story. I agree with Cal that setting the scene early on will help with the premonition she gets later on in the story. Being a Political Science student, and having studied the Vietnam War extensively, it made reading this piece that much more enjoyable. Thanks for sharing Fountains.
    "When I understand my enemy well enough to defeat him, in that moment, I also love him." - Ender Wiggin

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    Registered User 108 fountains's Avatar
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    Calidore and Glen, Thanks very much for your comments. These are good suggestions, and I will take them all. On your last suggestion, Calidore, I don't want give up quite everything after the sentence that begins, "On the same day..." I do want to keep the bit about McCarthy and Eisenhower since it really was the web of American politics that drew us all into that war. I wasn't sure how many of the members of Charlie Company I wanted to mention or how much I wanted to say about them in the sentences that follow sentences. (All that follows from the line, "In Springer, New Mexico..." is actual biographic info of some of the 26 men accused of taking part in the massacre at My Lai.) I'm guessing from your comment, Calidore, that you think less is more, and you might be right about that. Thanks again to you and Glennr25 for your feedback.

    Glen, there is a documentary called Four Hours in My Lai, produced by the British Yorkshire Company in 1989. This clip from the documentary, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jvrzzoMItg4, is a pretty intense interview with Varnado Simpson. (It is eerie to know that he killed himself a couple of years after the interview.) One of the best books on the politics of the Vietnam War is Stanley Karnow's Vietnam: A History (Penguin 1991); Karnow was also instrumental in PBS's excellent 11-hour video series, Vietnam: A Television History, which you can also find on youtube.
    A just conception of life is too large a thing to grasp during the short interval of passing through it.
    Thomas Hardy

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    Registered User glennr25's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 108 fountains View Post
    Calidore and Glen, Thanks very much for your comments. These are good suggestions, and I will take them all. On your last suggestion, Calidore, I don't want give up quite everything after the sentence that begins, "On the same day..." I do want to keep the bit about McCarthy and Eisenhower since it really was the web of American politics that drew us all into that war. I wasn't sure how many of the members of Charlie Company I wanted to mention or how much I wanted to say about them in the sentences that follow sentences. (All that follows from the line, "In Springer, New Mexico..." is actual biographic info of some of the 26 men accused of taking part in the massacre at My Lai.) I'm guessing from your comment, Calidore, that you think less is more, and you might be right about that. Thanks again to you and Glennr25 for your feedback.

    Glen, there is a documentary called Four Hours in My Lai, produced by the British Yorkshire Company in 1989. This clip from the documentary, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jvrzzoMItg4, is a pretty intense interview with Varnado Simpson. (It is eerie to know that he killed himself a couple of years after the interview.) One of the best books on the politics of the Vietnam War is Stanley Karnow's Vietnam: A History (Penguin 1991); Karnow was also instrumental in PBS's excellent 11-hour video series, Vietnam: A Television History, which you can also find on youtube.
    Thank you for sharing that video. Very sad stuff. A war that never should have happened. All because the government had been manipulating the public into believing communism was the evil of this world. I'll have to sit down and watch the entire thing some time.
    "When I understand my enemy well enough to defeat him, in that moment, I also love him." - Ender Wiggin

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    Registered User Calidore's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by 108 fountains View Post
    On your last suggestion, Calidore, I don't want give up quite everything after the sentence that begins, "On the same day..." I do want to keep the bit about McCarthy and Eisenhower since it really was the web of American politics that drew us all into that war. I wasn't sure how many of the members of Charlie Company I wanted to mention or how much I wanted to say about them in the sentences that follow sentences. (All that follows from the line, "In Springer, New Mexico..." is actual biographic info of some of the 26 men accused of taking part in the massacre at My Lai.) I'm guessing from your comment, Calidore, that you think less is more, and you might be right about that. Thanks again to you and Glennr25 for your feedback.
    You're welcome.

    I do tend to believe less is more in general, but I'll elaborate. That last major premonition clues the reader in to what's going on. Tying it in with the lighting of the fuse (I think?) in Dien Bien Phu for synchronicity is fine, but the next several paragraphs only serve to repeatedly wham the reader with the Sledgehammer of Obvious. Plus, only those who happen to know the names of the people participating in the My Lai massacre will find any meaning there at all; to everyone else, it's just a list of names with no context (except an implied involvement in the war somehow).

    This kind of story is nothing new, so your expertise on the locale is what can keep it interesting. That's why I suggest focusing on creating as much immersion as you can manage without descending into boring expositional lectures. Any unique aspects of Vietnamese fishing village life or Vietnamese fortune-teller practices you can sprinkle in will add interest.

    I also forgot to mention a couple of things before:

    * Lose the dates ("That was in the early 1950s, by the Western calendar."; "in mid-March"). They risk giving the game away early and add nothing.

    * In the "small hamlet by the sea", you mention her spreading her sheet out twice: Immediately upon arrival and again after getting the monk's permission. You should delete the first one since it doesn't actually happen until she talks to the monk.
    You must be the change you wish to see in the world. -- Mahatma Gandhi

  7. #7
    Registered User 108 fountains's Avatar
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    All good points. "The SledgeHammer of the Obvious" is a great image. I'll go back over the last several paragraphs keeping in mind that what might be interesting to me might not be interesting to the reader. I'll delete some of that, but probably not all. I want to leave some because I truly believe that, after learning so much about the history, the decisions made at the political level relating to Vietnam even as far back as before WWII made our involvement there inevitable and impacted so heavily on so many individual lives on all sides.
    Last edited by 108 fountains; 03-18-2014 at 11:40 AM.
    A just conception of life is too large a thing to grasp during the short interval of passing through it.
    Thomas Hardy

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    Registered User DATo's Avatar
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    Nice, 108. I enjoyed it very much. Thanks for posting.

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    Quote Originally Posted by DATo View Post
    Nice, 108. I enjoyed it very much. Thanks for posting.
    Unusual for you to have the time to read!

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    Registered User Steven Hunley's Avatar
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    Late Reply

    I feel the same way now about the internet web and AI.

    This was so well written, detailed, engaging, and researched. Can't see how I missed it. I am awed at this effort. Well done.

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