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Thread: gone

  1. #1
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Posts
    11

    gone

    I feed off of your memory
    It's the only thing keeping you alive
    I dream of white roses
    The aroma prompts your sweet serenity
    Life has become stagnant without you here
    I feel your voice in the wind
    Far and near
    A chill in my heart wont seem to leave
    It creeps up my soul and pours into my dreams
    Your existence was my ecstasy

  2. #2
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Mar 2014
    Location
    Redwood Empire
    Posts
    1,569
    Poems are supposed to be posted over in the Personal Poetry section, I believe.

    Yours is heavy. I understand. Been there.

    Off of is a school marm's nightmare and has to go. But that may not matter, for I feel you need to find the ironic inversion which has her memory feeding off you. At the least, you should drop the of in the first line, then you have a poem. It is easy to relate to and conveys its feeling.

  3. #3
    hi My reply in the form of a poem! Although life is shallow/And stagnant/We know we are here .

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