Can Someone Please Get Me Some Toilet Paper?!

[WolfLarsen]

Can Someone Please Get Me Some Toilet Paper?!
A poem by Wolf Larsen

Warning: people who are easily upset by just about anything should not read this. Thank you. You have been warned!


I want to shove the third rail up your ***

I want to ride a nuclear donkey through the Russian Empire on the moon

no, I don’t want war, I want the peace of thousands of neon dildos growing out of a firecracker

because I love you like a third testicle

because you are too sweet with your switchblade

my switchblade dangles between my legs like a Christmas tree in July

because I hate all the stars in the sky (oh **** it rhymed!)

because I send the rumblings of Afro-Brazilian drums to you via flying spermatozoa

so that all the Martians can get pregnant

so that spring can grow us new planets out of the ground

and that’s why I love you like a dandelion

I love you like a thermometer in your ***

and that’s why you can’t build architecture with spit

you can’t stop the city from becoming a waterfall

you can’t stop the waterfall of your brains from crashing into outer space

because even outer space needs to be stapled together by words

because too much summer in your feet might cause the nuclear dandelions to bloom dangerously

how else do you expect to find Elvis hiding in a nuclear submarine with the devil?

When the devil & Elvis are singing a duet together you know thousands of Jesus Christs are coming

even then the earth will never be round again

even then the margarine on the table will never stop talking to you

because the catsup bottle wants to become your penis, especially if you don’t have one

and all the people are spinning around worlds of words

all the people are finding their faces in mayonnaise jars

only you know the truth: that none of us are ourselves

that we are all just premature ejaculations in a petri dish

so become yourself

become millions of mushrooms growing in a cave this afternoon

become peace on earth being lowered into the grave

and kiss the devil for me

be with you soon


Copyright 2015 by Wolf Larsen

[YesNo]

my switchblade dangles between my legs like a Christmas tree in July

because I hate all the stars in the sky (oh **** it rhymed!)

I knew you could do it!