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Thread: Litnet's version of Devil's dictionary

  1. #2041
    Registered User mona amon's Avatar
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    Contrite: One's usual facial expression when one sits down to eat crow.

    Easy
    Exit, pursued by a bear.

  2. #2042
    Maybe YesNo's Avatar
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    Easy: How some boys see certain girls until one of them gets pregnant. The opposite is “hard” which is best illustrated by the following story:

    Three nuns died and met Saint Peter at the gates. He said new regulations required him to ask each of them a question before they could get in. He asked the first one, the smartest of the group, “What was the name of the first man?” She said, “Oh! That’s an easy one. His name was Adam!” Bells rang. Trumpets sounded. The gates of heaven opened and she went in. He asked the second one who wasn’t quite as smart as the first one, but smarter than the third, “What was the name of the first woman?” She said, “Oh! That’s an easy one. Her name was Eve!” Bells ran. Trumpets sounded. The gates of heaven opened and she went in. Finally Saint Peter looked at the third one and asked, “What’s the first thing Eve said to Adam?” The third one started to sweat and finally complained, “Oh! That’s a hard one.” Bells ran. Trumpets sounded. The gates of heaven opened and she went in.

    Saint Peter:
    Last edited by YesNo; 06-05-2015 at 07:13 PM.

  3. #2043
    Not politically correct Pendragon's Avatar
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    Saint Peter: Symbolic Gate keeper of Paradise, despite no such designation in the Bible or other books of that era. His name was actually Simon, but Jesus named him Petra, a little stone. The rock Christ builds His church upon is not Peter the man, but the revelation of who Jesus was that Peter proclaimed.

    Angelic:
    Some of us laugh
    Some of us cry
    Some of us smoke
    Some of us lie
    But it's all just the way
    that we cope with our lives...

  4. #2044
    Registered User mona amon's Avatar
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    Angelic: Like an angel. What little devils under ten look like.

    Sentimental
    Exit, pursued by a bear.

  5. #2045
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    Sentimental: Value that has nothing to do with price

    Leech:
    Some of us laugh
    Some of us cry
    Some of us smoke
    Some of us lie
    But it's all just the way
    that we cope with our lives...

  6. #2046
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    Leech: 1960s flower-child singer of "Atlantis," "Sunshine Superman," and "Catch the Wind."

    Curvaceous

  7. #2047
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    Curvaceous: Ancient word meaning "sexy"

    Fallout:
    Some of us laugh
    Some of us cry
    Some of us smoke
    Some of us lie
    But it's all just the way
    that we cope with our lives...

  8. #2048
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    Fallout: What happens to a two-some, or couple, when the faithful party realizes that they have been for some time a three-some.

    Fireworks:

  9. #2049
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    Fireworks: 1 China's gift to the Fourth of July 2) What happens when fallout takes place. (see Fallout)
    Some of us laugh
    Some of us cry
    Some of us smoke
    Some of us lie
    But it's all just the way
    that we cope with our lives...

  10. #2050
    Registered User Tyrion Cheddar's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by YesNo View Post
    [INDENT]Three nuns died and met Saint Peter at the gates.
    YesNo, that joke is older than my esteemed posterior, which, I can tell you, is pretty darned old. Normally, therefore, I would petition the courts to have you tarred, feathered, drawn, quartered, and pilloried, before being punished. Luckily for you, though, it is a naughty joke you make, featuring a naked babe alluding, albeit fleetingly, to an upright and, one assumes, adamantine knob, and so I am willing to grant you a reprieve. Just don't let it happen again. At least, not unless there are pictures.
    Obsessed with facial symmetry.

  11. #2051
    Registered User Tyrion Cheddar's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pendragon View Post
    Fireworks: 1 China's gift to the Fourth of July 2) What happens when fallout takes place. (see Fallout)
    I was going to say fireworks is what happens when the third party is asked to join the couple, but well done and all. ;-)
    Obsessed with facial symmetry.

  12. #2052
    Registered User Tyrion Cheddar's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pendragon View Post
    Curvaceous: Ancient word meaning "sexy"
    (NB: The following joke contains material that some women may find offensive; it is not intended to be, but I ain't one for political correctness so cry havoc and let loose the dogs of war, or possibly some pent up gas...) In my experience, curvaceous is a word fat women use to describe their figures in online personal ads. See also Rubenesque. <bow, curtsy, throw me a fish>
    Last edited by Tyrion Cheddar; 06-11-2015 at 06:15 AM.
    Obsessed with facial symmetry.

  13. #2053
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    Moving on...

    Luck:
    Some of us laugh
    Some of us cry
    Some of us smoke
    Some of us lie
    But it's all just the way
    that we cope with our lives...

  14. #2054
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tyrion Cheddar View Post
    YesNo, that joke is older than my esteemed posterior, which, I can tell you, is pretty darned old. Normally, therefore, I would petition the courts to have you tarred, feathered, drawn, quartered, and pilloried, before being punished. Luckily for you, though, it is a naughty joke you make, featuring a naked babe alluding, albeit fleetingly, to an upright and, one assumes, adamantine knob, and so I am willing to grant you a reprieve. Just don't let it happen again. At least, not unless there are pictures.
    Oh, yes. It is quite old, but always worth retelling if one can risk it. Given Sir Mix-a-Lot's "I Like Big Butts" and Meghan Trainor's more recent "All About That Bass", curvaceous, if it hasn't always been, is the new sexy.


    Luck: An unexpected windfall or punishment that you unwittingly set yourself up for. For example, if you are the prince of a castle and an old woman knocks on your door in the evening asking to spend the night in exchange for a single rose, the smart move is to let her in.

    Boon:
    Last edited by YesNo; 06-11-2015 at 08:20 AM.

  15. #2055
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    Quote Originally Posted by YesNo View Post
    Oh, yes. It is quite old, but always worth retelling if one can risk it.
    See, this is how Gilgamesh started.

    Quote Originally Posted by YesNo View Post
    Boon:
    Boon: Noob spelled backward (to get the satanic messages).

    Convex

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