Form Poem Contest

[_Joe_]

Since there doesn't seem to be much interest in submitting further poems, I will make my decision two days in advance in the interest of keeping this thread going.

North Star, Dark Muse, YesNo: thank you all for your submissions, each one was great in its own way.

North Star: great take on the difficulty of writing in terza rima. I always enjoy meta pieces.

Dark Muse: on the salutary value of love? I enjoyed the imagery quite a bit, especially with the fingers performing the "crane dance". I felt that the rhythm of the poem was off, though. Of course this is understandable given the demanding structure of the form.

YesNo: fantastic piece. The conflict between the restful season and the current global unrest and the resigned conclusion to live in the moment. Also, great form!

In conclusion, YesNo, you are the winner for this round. Take it away!

[Melanie]

Dark thoughts by April’s chilly winds are sown
Though Spring is bright and mostly pleasant here.
The cruelty of humans is well known.

Though I am safely sheltered, many fear,
Which makes me wonder why I’m singled out
At least for now. My worries disappear.

Why test the strength of what it’s all about?
The Gods seem capable to do their will.
So brighten up. It’s Spring. Turn off that pout.

Don’t let those dark delusions have their fill
And waste fresh moments best enjoyed when still.

Congratulations YesNo for a poem well executed in terza rima form!!

[YesNo]

Thanks, Joe and Melanie!

The next form will be a limerick.

Deadline June 14th.

[tailor STATELY]

A Marvelous Work...

There once was a prophet named Isaiah
whose word testified of the Messiah
His sweet song of the restoration
how the righteous shall inherit Zion
All will nigh bend their knees to Jehovah

6/1/2015

Ta ! (short for tarradiddle),
tailor STATELY

[YesNo]

Thank you, tailor_STATELY! Anyone else? Two weeks to go!

[_Joe_]

There once was a woman named Jane.
Who woke up each morning in pain.
She drank lots of beer
To give her good cheer
Till she had to wake up again.

[cacian]

this is long overdue
june 14?

[YesNo]

Thanks, cacian, for the reminder.

And thanks tailor STATELY and Joe for the contributions. Just checking the meter and rhyme for the limerick form, I think Joe's fits the limerick best and so the winner is Joe! Congratulations!

[_Joe_]

Thanks, cacian, for the reminder.

And thanks tailor STATELY and Joe for the contributions. Just checking the meter and rhyme for the limerick form, I think Joe's fits the limerick best and so the winner is Joe! Congratulations!

Thanks, YesNo.

For our next contest, let's do a ballad

[tailor STATELY]

Congrats _Joe_ !

A ballad, hmmm. As the King of Austria? once might have said upon hearing one of Mozart's works: (paraphrasing) too many notes, it just has too many notes (ref: my vague recollection of the movie "Amadeus"). As an avowed minimalist this will be difficult... but I'll take the challenge come what may!

Ta ! (short for tarradiddle),
tailor STATELY

[_Joe_]

Hey, there's no constraint on the length of a ballad as far as I know.

[YesNo]

Five lilies bloomed beside the road
Where Thomas walked today.
On leaving home, his well-worn load
Of worries went his way.

One lily orangish in the light
The breeze began to stir.
His mind was darkened by some night.
He did not look at her.

Two others asked him softly why
He thought he had to go.
Though dreams are hard to modify
Forgetfulness could grow.

Martha knew why he was gone.
There’s nothing she can do.
What’s done is done. Life must go on.
One lily knew that, too.

The last reminded him there’s joy
Beneath the sorrow’s shade
To water any lonely boy
When sunlight wants to fade.

The water comes from everywhere.
The lilies drink and shine.
The faithful sun shines here and there
And all can claim he’s mine.

[MorpheusSandman]

I've always wanted to try my hand at a ballad but have yet to be struck by a narrative idea to really utilize the form. My poetry seems to be drawn more towards dramatic monologues as of late, going so far as to write a kind of homage to My Last Duchess.

Five lilies bloomed beside the road
Where Thomas walked today.
On leaving home, his well-worn load
Of worries went his way.

One lily orangish in the light
The breeze began to stir.
His mind was darkened by some night.
He did not look at her.

Two others asked him softly why
He thought he had to go.
He thought he heard a wild bird cry,
But nothing seemed to show.

Martha knew why he was gone.
There’s nothing she can do.
What’s done is done. Life must go on.
One lily knew that, too.

The last reminded him there’s joy
Beneath the sorrow’s shade
To water any lonely boy
Whose path is fresh unmade.

The water comes from everywhere.
The lilies drink and shine.
The faithful sun shines here and there
And all can claim he’s mine.

This is a superb poem, YesNo. Has strong echoes of Wordsworth's "I wandered lonely as a cloud." There are only two slightly sour moments. I don't like "nothing seemed to show." Perhaps something with the verb "low" (the sound of cows) to link with the "wild bird cry"? The other is "fresh unmade." Perhaps "now unmade" or "still unmade" or "soon unmade" or some variation? Otherwise it's excellent.

[YesNo]

Thanks, MorpheusSandman. I agree. Those two parts seem wrong to me as well.

Edit: I made some modifications.

[MorpheusSandman]

It's nearly perfect now, but I'd change "wants to fade" to "starts to fade" (wants suggest the sun has a choice in the matter). Otherwise, I love it.

BTW, let me single out this little part as a good example of a point I've repeatedly made:

"One lily orangish in the light
The breeze began to stir."

This is what's known as an "inversion" where, in this case, the object ("one lily") comes before the subject ("the breeze") and verb ("began to stir"); as well as placing the object ("one lily") before the adjective ("orangish"). It's considered "archaic" by today's standards and nearly universally reviled amongst contemporary poets. I've always said that inversions create a unique, unsettling effect when used at just the right moment in just the right context. Here, I think it's especially effective because this is precisely the moment in the poem were we get a "turn," a sense of something changing, and it's made all the more surprising because at the end of the first line we don't yet KNOW it's an inversion (so we initially assume "One lily" is the subject, before having that assumption subverted by the next line). So the fact that the inversion of syntax matches the turn of the structure, and that we FEEL this turn on an aesthetic level, is subtly masterful, and it's something you RARELY see today. So, well-done.

I might also mention that the one poem you didn't like, AE Stallings's "Like," mentioned inversions as one of the forms of artificial poetry that most contemporary poets hypocritically revile, but she was (implicitly) defending:

"Those poets who dislike
Inversions, archaisms, who just like
Plain English as she’s spoke — why isn’t “like”
Their (literally) every other word? I’d like
Us just to admit that’s what real speech is like."