A Tale of Two Families

[Emil Miller]

How is it possible, though, to actually force a child to follow a specific career path? Actually, you can't. You can encourage them, threaten them, punish them, and so on, but you cannot force them. Whether the young woman you speak of decides to become a chemical engineer, a poet, or a model, that decision will never be made by her parents.

The real question is, can trying to force the issue harm the child? I see no reason why it would.

It's important to make a distinction between the two cases I mentioned. In the case of former, I first met the boy when he was a ten-year-old living in Shanghai; he was a quiet boy and very obedient to his parents. This was something I noticed concerning other children and it's due to the teachings of Confucius that pervade Chinese society. Confucius exhorted his people to follow, among other things, filial piety:

While China has always had a diversity of religious beliefs, filial piety has been common to almost all of them; historian Hugh D.R. Baker calls respect for the family the only element common to almost all Chinese believers.

It's not something the average Chinese person thinks about, it's second nature, so it's easier to get a child to follow his parents' wishes without using force.

In the second case, the girl was born and raised in London and has therefore never been subjected to this subtle persuasion that is part of the Chinese experience: hence, her refusal.

[Lykren]

There is a huge difference between forcing your child into a career path and helping them achieve the best of their abilities... I pray to God you never have children Lykren...

I never equated the two. In fact, I clearly differentiated between them with my example of my friend who did so well without being pushed by her parents. Besides which, by the time a person begins their career, they are making decisions which are their own, as much as any decision can belong to the person who makes it.

Also, how are we to know what a child's limits are but by pushing them to those limits? There are risks of course; but there are terrible risks inherent in being too cautious as well. Whichever path a parent takes, they may unwittingly go astray. It is ultimately a judgment call; one should assess as well as they can the character of a child as they raise them and react accordingly, though such judgments will always be flawed.