Picture Poetry Contest (...continued...)

[Pendragon]

How Far to Camelot?

From Avalon he rode across the bridge above the Thames
But around him the mist arose, the buildings were so strange
He thought himself sorely bewitched, touched by a curse
As carriages flew swiftly by without a sign of any horse
He cringed as a machine ripped through the sky, his heart began to quake
He prayed aloud "Oh, Jesu save me from this dark and dreadful place!"
Then the mists burned away and he saw again the familiar road once more
He vowed he would turn monastery monk, a be a Knight no more
Yet in his cell in robe of brown, copying books by candlelight
He wondered still about the vision he had seen that night...

Pendragon (C) December 2, 2013

[EvoWarrior5]

Bump.

Just a reminder that the deadline is tomorrow. If you have unfinished poems or have not posted yours yet, do it before it's too late!

[Rowan]

Life is not like a path with a beginning and an end
We cannot say that one end is dark and the other light
It is more like a cobweb that warped around us to be woe to foe and friend
It captures people in its sticky succulence, but not me.
We’re not sure if we’re spider or fly, but not me.
We’ve been given the map and we can see the mountains moan
but we don’t know the route and if we did we wouldn’t walk it
Every rose has its ruthless thorns, but I think that this rose is not red of petal but of blood
It’s a dog-eat-dog-eat-dog-eat-eat-eat world where there is no menu card
But everything is on it.
We have a big chief who looks down or up at us, Theology is rubbing its chin
But he or she or it took a decade off, see the seas and sunbathe
Despite it being the busy season
Despite the *****y heathens
He’s taking selfies on a foldable chair that creaks when he sees the daemons
the sand’s too soft for castles.

Suddenly, we’re the new Sodom
And we make fun of Gomorra
Naturally, there is artists and actors and poets and writers
but you have to be at least this tall to be that cool, and that is not this.
Like a car we’re all strapped in, with helmets and instruction videos
but we’re driving down a ravine
we can see clouds pass us by
We’re pathetically apathetic
We’re frightened of large opinions and of many comma’s crowding a sentence.
They’re a firing squad. A fruit salad of apples.

But our snakes tell us no and we nod

We’re the whatevers and the I-don’t-knows
The who-cares’ and I don’ts
Won’ts
Couldn’ts
We should scream until our lungs come out to add to the choir
I want the freedom to give you a boner, a monument to the possibility of thought
until our hearts stop beating so that we may better be heard.
Your hands will chisel the truth out of its rock and make castles

but he sand’s too soft for castles.

- Roo

[cacian]

man on horse
chevalier gaulles
rides out to the
soul
of a morning fall
skyies ahead
loom
a break in the moon
sunshine will soon
bring back
the doom
to a position of noon.
clear ahead is tuned.

[EvoWarrior5]

Hello everybody!

First off I would like to thank those who commented on my previous poem. I usually do not like to "disrupt" the flow of poems in the contest threads, so sorry for not responding to you until now!

Then, the current contest. Very good entries, as usual. Enjoyable reads. But you will see all about what I liked (or what I thought could have been done better) in the feedback:

YesNo:
Very catchy, as always. The past week or so there were just moments in which I suddenly got the second line in my head and I could hear myself think “He rides his horse. They face the sun”. Very powerful. I also like the rhyme scheme in this, although the first line doesn’t really fit in with the rest, but that is not a bad thing because it may stand alone in its meaning. Well done!

Prendrelemick:
Very hectic but effective poem. I like the interpretation that the ride is bumpy and chaotic, rather than calm. Also well done on all the references, although I must say I probably do not understand quite a few because I don’t know everything you referred to. Overall good job!

Dara.cv:
Overall an enjoyable read, you conveyed the message of a journey well. The meaning is sometimes slightly confusing, as I was a bit baffled by the line “I carry on without pity” whereas later on you say you are hesitating. Then I read over it again and realised that at first you started your journey with more confidence, but later on you hesitate and wonder if you shouldn’t go back now that you still can. I like this meaning very much, but I think it could have been made just a bit clearer in the poem.

Also yes, the picture is from a music video. This was not intentional on my part though xD

Dark Muse:
Very eerie! Another great interpretation of the picture, this time conveyed in a post-apocalyptic poem. I feel like there is so much to say, while at the same time there is so little to say. Very good use of language, great read, nearly flawless. Captivating from start to end. I also like how the entire poem is only 1 sentence. In the third line, did you mean “and ghosts of the buildings which once stood”?

Pendragon:
Well, wow. The poem seems to be about a knight in the middle ages who suddenly sees a flash of the future with cars and a plane above him.. I wonder if you actually meant that. I like the read, and – once again – the interpretation. I think I would have liked it a bit better if it had followed the metre in the first line, that would have made it more easy and catchy to read. I saw potential for an iambic heptameter in there, most of the lines follow or nearly follow it.

Rowan:
Rowan, hello! Did you know that ‘selfie’ is the word of the year in the UK right now, or did you just happen to use it haha? Anyways, on to your poem: I think I should get right to the point and say that it did not have the vibes of your previous one, in a sense that this one does not relate to the picture as much. You started off well, but then you derailed more and more as you progressed. This could signify the derailing of the road or the person of the road, but I think that in this case, because the language did not seem to relate to the picture so much, it did not do that. Forgive me for comparing poems again (I usually hate doing that), but in prendrelemick’s poem for example, he also derailed but he kept coming back to the original line / meaning, which made it so that the derailing was still confined to the picture. The derailing and the rambling in the poem also made it quite difficult to get through and it is very easy to lose it at some point.

Aside from that, some good use of language in there as you always have. A few good lines stand out which either sound cool (“pathetically apathetic”), sound very pretty and poetic (“the sand’s too soft for castles”), or your usual outrageous lines which I keep on enjoy reading (freedom giving you a boner, everybody but you being stuck and unsure, etc.).

Cacian:
Cacian, good read. Your usual style, and I like how you put some dark lines in there, yet you make them sound… insignificant? funny? Not sure how to word myself. For example:

a break in the moon
sunshine will soon
bring back
the doom

The word “doom” does not sound the least bit dark because of the casual way you present it and hop around through lines as if nothing is going on. I like that. When you see through the lines one may see the darker meaning behind it. Well done!


Alright, then the winner... I liked all of your reads, but only one can pick the next picture. I found the best poem to be Dark Muse's. Great interpretation and also a very good use of language. When I saw you win a few contests without really reading the poems in the contests, I was kind of wondering what made you / your poems so good. Now I see! ;)

Thank you all who entered again, it's been great.

- Evo

[Pendragon]

Congrats, Dark Muse!

And Evo, yes, I really meant it!

[Dark Muse]

Thank you very much, I will get the next pick up soon.

[Dark Muse]

Ok here is the next image



Deadline Dec 20th

[cacian]

Evo thank you very much for the lengthy feedback.
Dark Muse that is a nice picture indeed

[YesNo]

The castle walls on Griegson Ferry Isle
Are thick with stone with windows very thin
To let the rushing sea-borne breezes in
Relieving pressure on the heavy wall
And giving those well-privileged in the hall
A glimpse of an old tree still standing, dead,
With water flooded roots and leafless head.
Some claim that they are captives. Others smile
As if they knew the secret of this place,
If there be any secrets they must face,
But they are as deluded as the rest.
Yet others claim this is a kind of test
That they could pass if only they'd break free,
Slide through the window into liberty,
But most must wait while days pass single file.

[dara.cv]

I loved the eery post-apocalyptic feel of your submission. It's eloquence deepened its lonely despair. It was a worthy win, congrats!

You seem to have a draw towards the darker aspects of life with this picture, so I'll have my go.

I tried to contain it,
but that wild sparrow would never settle.
Only it's migration was predictable,
though, from where it came
or when it would return was unknowable.
Sometimes it would find me and flit its wings over my vision
in a blinding frenzy,
then disappear in that same instant.
Other times it would linger
perching upon my shoulder in silence
until it became weightless.
Until, I didn't recall it was there at all.
Other times it would sing it's scratchy tune
to anyone who would listen,
causing them to cover their ears and hearts and walk away.
It became a familiar companion
of which it’s arrival or leave became natural,
to the point of being unnoticed by me.
Even here it finds me.
Fluttering in,
landing within my coupled hands,
causing them to shake with panic.
Though I want to stifle it,
instead, I find myself only able to enfold it
clasped within my palms
until it retreats to sleep.
Sometimes it soars in without warning
scratching at my face,
clawing at my sides,
pecking at my ears
while Im hunched over
it lets out a shrill shriek
of absolute hatred against itself.
No use looking out the window.
You can't see the sparrow coming.
Besides, the barren tree calls to it
reminiscent
of that first sparrow
of rage,
which caged me here.

[Dark Muse]

I loved the eery post-apocalyptic feel of your submission. It's eloquence deepened its lonely despair. It was a worthy win, congrats!

You seem to have a draw towards the darker aspects of life with this picture, so I'll have my go.

Thank you, and yes, it is true I do. glad to have you join in on this one.

[Pendragon]

Hanging Tree, Salem, Massachusetts

Framed by stone the lone tree shudders
In the frigid winds that scream around it
A solitary tree cursed by the fact
That hanging took place from its branches
But the view from the jail at Salem
Was the last many an accused witch had
Before riding bound in a cart
And brutally slaughtered by the voice of innocents
Accusing good women of dreadful things
Or were the children just pawns in a scheme
To enrich their fathers by taking land
By hanging the owners for witchcraft?
Salem still bleeds from the injustice...

(C) Pendragon December 13, 2013

[dara.cv]

Thanks Muse!

I have to admire your post Pendragon, The first few lines it was reading to me as if a woman was awaiting her fate on that same hanging tree. Then it turns into almost a tour of some historical jail on which a tourist was reflecting. Either way, it is befitting, so sad and cruel Salem's stain on history.

Are we allowed to comment on other's posts in the contests?

[prendrelemick]

I think you may comment when ever you like dara,cv