Can you be happy alone on your own?

[Darcy88]

I'm a profoundly lonely person and for me extreme loneliness is a state almost akin to death. But loneliness to me is not the mere absence of people, its the absence of a deep and meaningful connection to others. I can feel lonely in a group of people if for whatever reason I do not relate to them. Every so often in life you encounter someone who understands you, whose thoughts and passions near perfectly correspond to your own, so that there exists no barrier to friendship or love, just a beautifully effortless and harmonious transference of sympathy between yourself and them. Then they leave and you return to that state akin to death.

I'm happier alone than I am in the company of those I do not relate to, but for me to actually be truly happy I need to have the kind of friendship or romantic relationship which I describe above.

"Happiness is only real when shared."

[osho]

I think one can be happy without anybody or any socialization if one can make the most of what one is capable of, his potentials to the fullest and farthest. If one engages in writing a big novel like In remembrance of my Lost times written by Proust one needs plenty of time. I think these days few choose to write such mammoth books. People have to divide their times among different ends and persuasions, a little bit for watching TV, a little for attending parties, a little for dating and socializing, a little for traveling and the like and if one is disabled and cannot move physically one becomes confined within his room wherein he finds plenty of time to pursue things of his desires. In my case writing is one of the many different ends in life. I have to go to university, socialize, attend parties and earn a living. These are my priorities, though not preferences and then only I will have time for writing though nothing fascinates me more than writing in fact. Though I have little time for posting here but the amount of time I have matters greatly to me and herein I realize my real potentials in life.

I'm a profoundly lonely person and for me extreme loneliness is a state almost akin to death. But loneliness to me is not the mere absence of people, its the absence of a deep and meaningful connection to others. I can feel lonely in a group of people if for whatever reason I do not relate to them. Every so often in life you encounter someone who understands you, whose thoughts and passions near perfectly correspond to your own, so that there exists no barrier to friendship or love, just a beautifully effortless and harmonious transference of sympathy between yourself and them. Then they leave and you return to that state akin to death.

I'm happier alone than I am in the company of those I do not relate to, but for me to actually be truly happy I need to have the kind of friendship or romantic relationship which I describe above.

"Happiness is only real when shared."

I second your thought. Loneliness is a concept. Of course even in the crowd I feel forlornly lonely and even at times when I am alone, not anyone to talk to I can be accompanied. When someone of my heart writes to me and when I read her or his letters I find a company not less discernible than any who physically keep hold of me. It is a feeling. The feeling first must be in our heart and companionship if it is true transcends physical domains. Indeed I can really find the presence of my friend in her or his absence also. It is a state of mind, not a thing.

[cacian]

Cacian, you took that definition from Wikipedia, which goes out of its way to distinguish between 'solitude' and 'loneliness', although you suggest one shouldn't.

About three lines below your selective quote, it says this:

A distinction has been made between solitude and loneliness. In this sense, these two words refer, respectively, to the joy and the pain of being alone

Perhaps, thinking you'd got the definition you wanted, you didn't read that far.

Hi Mark and thank you for drawing my attention to it I did not read on that far.
I would say that loneliness is a state of mind in that someone can still feel isolated being with people. This is often seen in people who do have deep seated traumas and do not communicate easily with people because of it. They can be with people and be very reclusive at the same time. They either say nothing/not very much or when they do they are either unsociable in their manners or inadequate in their speech and the way they talk about things. There is a detachement of reality in their behaviour. I know one because I live with one.
Solitude however can relate to loneliness in that it can drive someone to feel isolated when with people. There is a sudden feel of inadequacy because one can no longer relate to what is around them anymore hence feeling lonely. Solitude is often the root cause to loneliness and can be very hard to shift because humans who are creatures of habits learn fast to adapt to certain environments the older they get and at the same time lose quickly the flexibility to adopt new changes. It is indeed the catch22.

[osho]

At times people confuse loneliness with aloneness. Aloneness keeps one always energetic and one needs it when a surge of inspiration sweeps through his mind. Creativity is not a social pursuit and one has to keep the rest of detractors away in the literary persuasion. I often crave for solitude, privacy so that I will not be detracted by any other ends in life and can meditate on some of the great truths I am interested to arrive at in life. Family, friends are always there coming in between myself and my creative ends and of course I have my own limitation and I cannot reach all my pursuits in life at the same time. That is why I want a life of seclusion at least once a year. History documents cases wherein creative ends or pursuits are mostly done in total seclusion. Socialization needs to be kept to a minimum if one purses the literary path.

[cacian]

At times people confuse loneliness with aloneness. Aloneness keeps one always energetic and one needs it when a surge of inspiration sweeps through his mind. Creativity is not a social pursuit and one has to keep the rest of detractors away in the literary persuasion. I often crave for solitude, privacy so that I will not be detracted by any other ends in life and can meditate on some of the great truths I am interested to arrive at in life. Family, friends are always there coming in between myself and my creative ends and of course I have my own limitation and I cannot reach all my pursuits in life at the same time. That is why I want a life of seclusion at least once a year. History documents cases wherein creative ends or pursuits are mostly done in total seclusion. Socialization needs to be kept to a minimum if one purses the literary path.

I am not sure I believe seclusion is key to creativity. I often wonder whether seclusion is running away from something, otherwise why do it.
I feel that I more inspired and inclined to create when in the company of people I like. The sound of Laughter and life in general is often a happy trigger for the mind to visualise creativity in its purest form. I find artwork created is seclusion rather obscure dark in tonish and lone standing.
Everything has its place and even art must and will need to fit within the environment in genera.l I like art that mingles and disappear harmoniously within life canvases. An art that stands out from the crowd always strike me as needy if not palpably intolerant to its viewer and wanting to shock disturb is ultimately the pleasure behind it however not without its misconception. Misreading art creative work falls short of brilliance in that it does not seem to smooth out the outlines of life like an anti-ageing cream but rather protrudes and makes the obvious more visible then the grotesque itself.

[chris_eriksson]

You are off the subject. Boring.

Here is someone who needs other people to be happy.

[Pensive]

I think I am happiest on my own.
That is when I don't have to share a room.
Otherwise, some human contact now and then is important.

[osho]

We nee someone at least to share and when shared happiness can multiply. Today therefore in this industrialized society most people cannot profit from close contact or intimacy. Of course when two are there in unison physically and emotionally that becomes a synergy and whole is therefore more powerful than their parts in seperation.

[Paulclem]

I think generalisations are meaningless. Some like to be alone. Others don't. Some like to be alone sometimes, others don't - and all the permutations on this.

[MarkBastable]

I think generalisations are meaningless.

What - all of them?

[Paulclem]

Yes..... every last one.

No - but lots of them. In particular this one. I should have put - generalisations like this... and excluded some statistical generalisations etc etc.

[Maria May]

I dream of living on my own when I grow up.I love being alone with my books,my guitar and my imagination

[osho]

I dream of living on my own when I grow up.I love being alone with my books,my guitar and my imagination

Then a dog and better if someone who can understand feelings. Dogs and cats can give a good company of friends and at times more reliable and loyal but if humans can give a true and loyal company this will enrich life incredibly

[Delta40]

Until last year I lived alone and I liked it since the world is just outside of my door so I don't see it as an issue. How wonderful to have the choice to open or close that door whenever I choose. As has been pointed out before, we're never truly alone anyway. I do resent the stigma of women living by themselves. Somebody threw some loose comments around earlier about not being able to share their world but also there's an undercurrent of failure to have succeeded in fulfilling one's destiny - get a husband and keep him but I don't want to sacrifice all this happiness to satisfy society!

[Ecurb]

...get a husband and keep him...

Have you tried putting him in a pumpkin shell, like Peter, Peter pumpkin eater did with his wife?