Balalaika

[symphony]

Inspired from: https://www.youtube.com/watch?featur...&v=qn06W-iBfkQ

May be we'll tango in to the night
Tin candles and thin romance
Toes tapping, testing ground
Tongues touching, tasting vows
Or may be a flamenco-
what with the flamboyant flirt of my skirt,
you'll fall, fall there where you can't be found.
I'll wear red that night
like the fire is red
like red wine is red
red like blood and lies.
I'll love you so,
if you had sisters as a child you'd know
love tickles, it tickles till you laugh,
and you laugh, you laugh till you cry.

December 21, 2012

[Silas Thorne]

Beautiful!
Love these lines:
'what with the flamboyant flirt of my skirt,
you'll fall, fall there where you can't be found.'

'in to the night' or 'into the night'?

Confused by the 'if you had sisters' line, but as I don't have sisters, that might be why. I'm thinking perhaps it refers to the teasing nature of the dance. It seems flirtatious, but temporal, like for one moment, one night.

[symphony]

Ah, at last some feedback. Thanks Silas.

'in to the night' or 'into the night'?

"In to" seemed to follow the beat more nicely at the moment.

I'm thinking perhaps it refers to the teasing nature of the dance. It seems flirtatious, but temporal, like for one moment, one night.

That was the idea.

[Hawkman]

Hi Symphony, I'm afraid I have to agree with Silas in that the, in to just doesn't work. it breaks the flow of the line.
Neither do I like "flirt of my skirt" which reads like gratuitous rhyme without real meaning. I'm also wondering why you called the poem Balalaika. I tried to find some sense of rhythm in the piece which might reflect this, but it escapes me if it's there.

Live and be well - H

[symphony]

Hi Symphony, I'm afraid I have to agree with Silas in that the, in to just doesn't work. it breaks the flow of the line.
Neither do I like "flirt of my skirt" which reads like gratuitous rhyme without real meaning. I'm also wondering why you called the poem Balalaika. I tried to find some sense of rhythm in the piece which might reflect this, but it escapes me if it's there.

Live and be well - H

Hmm I might just change that to "into" if it's so troubling, but I quite like "flirt of the skirt" though- it helped me construct the image I wanted here. The title "balalaika" came because this little thing was inspired by the balalaika version of a Russian folk song, and indeed every time I hear a balalaika playing, it sounds somewhat coquettish to me.

[Delta40]

I enjoyed this one symphony. Perhaps 'maybe' flamenco?