Results 1 to 9 of 9

Thread: Moody Tuesday

  1. #1
    Registered User DieterM's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    Paris
    Posts
    825

    Moody Tuesday

    Soon it will be June,
    And it’s been raining since December.
    Larks have grown interdigital webbing,
    People are wearing swimfins, diving masks and snorkels,
    Atlantic cods swim by in front of the office window.
    As I gaze out, I recognize
    The last drop of my will
    Mingling with the raindrops.
    "Im Arm der Liebe schliefen wir selig ein…" ("Liebesode" - Otto Erich Hartleben)
    New poetry collection available (Kindle and paperback)

  2. #2
    a dark soul Haunted's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    NY
    Posts
    10,145
    Blog Entries
    4
    I didn't get it at first, "interdigital webbing" threw me off. These days when I see the word "web" I think of the Internet. On second read everything just clicks. "Atlantic cods swim by in front of the office window" is the most fun you can have on days that bring you down. Hope the sun has returned, if only just to celebrate this delicious piece (now I'm thinking of cod on the grill....)

    "But do you really, seriously, Major Scobie," Dr. Sykes asked, "believe in hell?"
    "Oh, yes, I do."
    "In flames and torment?"
    "Perhaps not quite that. They tell us it may be a permanent sense of loss."
    "That sort of hell wouldn't worry me," Fellowes said.
    "Perhaps you've never lost anything of importance," Scobie said.

  3. #3
    Registered User DieterM's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    Paris
    Posts
    825
    how do you do this? no sooner have I read your comment & wishes for sun on here than indeed a ray managed to tear apart the cloud coating and go straight down on me! thanks for that ;-) and thanks for commenting. oh, and don't bother telling me you DID get your cod on the grill today, barbecued in fantastic spring sunshine… I might just go and jump from the Eiffel Tower (into a deep puddle, that is) ;-))
    "Im Arm der Liebe schliefen wir selig ein…" ("Liebesode" - Otto Erich Hartleben)
    New poetry collection available (Kindle and paperback)

  4. #4
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Posts
    3,890
    It's a good thing that the last drop is washed away so that anything else can be seen. Paris, c'est une blonde. LOL

  5. #5
    Registered User Delta40's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    Fremantle Western Australia
    Posts
    9,903
    Blog Entries
    62
    It's strange but I was going to say: Atlantic cods swim by in front of the office window. is a good line but it isn't smoothly written. Imagining cod swimming past my office window, they'd glide and shoot past without a hitch and that isn't the way the sentence runs if you get my meaning.

    I love your work though Dieter and it's a pleasure to read you.
    Before sunlight can shine through a window, the blinds must be raised - American Proverb

  6. #6
    It wasn't me Jerrybaldy's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Posts
    3,648
    Blog Entries
    1
    You saved it in the ending just as I felt you had been swept away in the metaphor.

    For those who believe,
    no explanation is necessary.
    For those who do not,
    none will suffice.

  7. #7
    Registered User DieterM's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    Paris
    Posts
    825
    thanks for commenting, everybody! Dear delta, yes, I understand what you wanted to say. Yet I didn't "see" cod glide by gracefully as they would do in their natural environment, but rather swim by awkwardly, me looking out, them looking in, both with huge, unblinking fish-eyes ;-)
    Ah, and Jerrybaldy, wouldn't I rather have been "washed away" by the metaphor? ;-)
    Glad you liked my little rant, anway :-) (and for the record, it's still raining…)
    "Im Arm der Liebe schliefen wir selig ein…" ("Liebesode" - Otto Erich Hartleben)
    New poetry collection available (Kindle and paperback)

  8. #8
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Jun 2013
    Posts
    547
    I like the sarcastic wit entwined in your poem. The Cod swimming by your window is a hilarious exaggeration. I like it! Summer will break through yet, and test your resolve! I have written a poem on my summer experience. Ignore the end rhyme. I know you do not like it. Here it is.


    Summer Resolve

    ***
    The first, carefree summer day a somnolent tune doth swagger
    An intense heat hovers then releases a permeable dagger*
    Sapped of inner resolve, at noon retired to shaded bower, a truant lagger
    At eventide, resuscitated from the cool respite, from my shielded lair did stagger

    The next, searing day shorn of shirt and shoes but with my dignity intact
    I alight from my screened porch assured that my taut skin would the beaming waves refract
    A soothing, afternoon breeze ripples; my chest hairs retract
    Trapsing along, unencumbered by the elements, I skip through the manicured tract

    My bare feet absorbing the ground's subducted heat
    Disheveled hair, a fluttering mane swaying to my hip hop beat
    The soft grass blades caressing my knobby ankles like a velvety sheet *
    A winged armada skirting the shock waves pulsing from my reproaching feet

    Trodding into lush, green garden cloaked with ingratiating reams of light
    Each, leafy tent bowing paying homage to the sun's infernal might
    The pleasant aroma of waxy corn leaves and glossy ferns my nostrils delight
    The sweet scent of mellow berries and ripening melons my taste buds insight

    At dusk, my barefoot odyssey abruptly comes to an end
    A grizzled, sizzled wayfarer, to my artificial estate I slowly wend
    Blithe journey my spirits exulted, but pain in my tendered parts did the sublimity ammend
    A cherry red shroud covering a weathered rind looking for soothing balms my misery to tend * *

    ** *
    **

    ** *
    Last edited by virtuoso; 06-11-2013 at 02:11 PM.

  9. #9
    Inexplicably Undiscovered
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Location
    next door to the lady in the vinegar bottle
    Posts
    5,089
    Blog Entries
    72
    "They call it Stormy Monday--
    But Tuesday's just as bad. . ."
    (T-Bone Walker)

    It takes bad times and misery (such as endless days of unrelenting rain) to get us to write the Blues, but paradoxically, the Blues make us feel so much better! Like this little number
    of yours.

    (Haven't visited the poetry forum until yesterday--sorry with the belated response.)

Similar Threads

  1. Tuesday Morning
    By Delta40 in forum Personal Poetry
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: 09-27-2011, 05:17 PM
  2. Tuesday
    By Jerrybaldy in forum Personal Poetry
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 02-03-2011, 09:39 AM
  3. Tuesday
    By CdnReader in forum Personal Poetry
    Replies: 20
    Last Post: 10-11-2007, 11:54 AM
  4. Tuesday Morning need feedback please
    By kceoir in forum Short Story Sharing
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 08-17-2007, 12:00 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •