Angel Eyes,

[Jett Black]

Remember the house we built in a dream
By the sky and the misty sea?
I went there tonight on a lonely moonbeam
For at last I found I was free.

You waited for me on the virgin sand
In the shadow of the threatening skies,
You came to me and touched my hand
And I called you angel eyes.

We stood holding hands on that lonely shore
Like phantoms in the dark black night,
Then you touched my lips and I wanted more
And my being was bathed in your light.

You smiled at me while the wind whipped your hair
And you saw through my childish disguise,
For at that moment even my heart was bare
And I called you angel eyes.

The touch of your hand was like poetry
My flesh was burnt by your fire,
When you spoke your voice was a symphony
And my soul cried out with desire.

I touched you and you touched me
The winter wind echoed our sighs,
For we both knew that this had to be
And I called you angel eyes.

The rain came then like large wet tears
And we turned our faces to the sky,
I prayed the rain would drown my fears
For in time we'd be saying goodbye.

We left the beach for the house on the hill
For now there would be no goodbyes,
As we entered the door my heart stood still
And I called you angel eyes.

The room with the fire and rugs was there
Remember the plans that we made?
Then all at once I knew we'd share
For you looked at me unafraid.

For the very first time I kissed your lips
And you knew when you heard my cries,
You soothed my pain with your fingertips
And I called you angel eyes.

When I released you the fire was dead
But our love was alive and well,
And as we lay with the floor our bed
The healing rain still fell.

Then we left and went back to the sand
And sat watching a morbid moonrise,
I turned to you and kissed your hand
And I called you angel eyes.

The sea was calm and the wind was still
The stars above were now clear,
But in my heart there lingered the chill
Leaving you was my only fear.

Remember the house we built in a dream
The house with no goodbyes?
Our home on the hill is only a dream
As are you my angel eyes.

[Buh4Bee]

This writing style reminds me of another poet that hasn't posted in a while. His taste is sometimes "decadent", but despite this, I like his stuff. Although this may be a bit cliched, I had fun reading it.

[hillwalker]

It's obvious what inspires you to write - but it's a bit samey after a while. Borderline Greetings Card versing when it's this slushy.

H

[Haunted]

I like it, and how you frame the "angel eyes" lines is really nice. But after a while it's just laden with commonalities, descending into romance novel type narrative. For a poem of this length to be taken seriously, I think you'd need a bigger message. In other words, it has to ascend to a higher level of consciousness, beyond a mere recording of an event which may seem so special to you, but has already been written a million times. I confess I stopped reading because it sounds all too familiar after a certain point. Even "angel eyes" is a cliche, there is a movie or two with that same name. But the writing is smooth and will please a less demanding readership.

[Jett Black]

Thanks for reading and commenting guys!

[kittypaws]

I like this Jett. I agree with Haunted your writing is smooth and for me I found it very good reading. You are an excellent writer.

kittypaws

[Jerrybaldy]

I stopped at S2. Would maybe work as a song.It worked for Roxy music