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Thread: Devil's Bride.

  1. #1
    Registered User Jett Black's Avatar
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    Devil's Bride.

    My body was chilled the night I awoke
    For a vision was fresh in my mind,
    Of a woman I'd seen in a black-as-night cloak
    And I swear she was not of my kind.

    She stood at my side as I opened my eyes
    I could see nor her head nor her face,
    Her outline was etched by bright burning fires
    At her throat she wore ruffled black lace.

    She lifted her hand and touched my cheek
    I felt my body and soul catch alight,
    I opened my mouth and tried to speak
    But my mind was numb with fright.

    She turned away and beckoned to me
    Mesmerised I got to my feet,
    I had to follow if I was to be free
    As she walked out into the street.

    She never looked back nor spared me a glance
    As I walked behind her down the road,
    I followed the woman like a man in a trance
    And my mind not my body bore the load.

    She stopped at last before a great door
    In the shadows she stood then knocked twice,
    I gazed in wonder for I'd been here before
    And my heart was gripped in a vice.

    The door was opened and we walked inside
    In the church I smelt death in the air,
    At the altar I saw a young woman, a bride
    She was young and a beauty so fair.

    She faced the door figure clad all in black
    The candles and chalice the same,
    Then the woman who stood silently at my back
    Touched my arm and called out my name.

    'You've been chosen from many to witness tonight
    A marriage between evil and good,
    This consummation between darkness and light
    Among all of Satan’s brotherhood.'

    Then from all around me there arose silently
    A mass of creatures obscene,
    They stood and laughed and pointed at me
    And I prayed that this must be a dream.

    The woman behind me then spoke up again
    'You will stand right here through it all,
    Feel with that girl the ecstatic pain
    For the master will soon grace this hall.'

    The door burst open and all fell to the floor
    As the prince of darkness strode past,
    I shook with fear at the look that he wore
    As he stopped and his eyes on me cast.

    He lifted a hand that was more like a claw
    Then pointed at me as he smiled
    I thought only of flight and glanced at the door
    But I knew I was already defiled.

    'Bear witness this night that I'm real and alive
    And not part of a book that you've read,
    Remember that good and not evil shall strive
    And that evil will forever stay ahead.'

    So saying he turned and walked up the aisle
    I felt weak so alone and afraid,
    My body was shaking and my mouth filled with bile
    For tonight a price would be paid.

    The girl at the altar stood facing us all
    As Satan strode onward towards her,
    She drew herself up, smiled and stood tall
    Awaiting her lord Lucifer.

    He stopped before her and ripped off her gown
    She stood naked with arms open wide,
    Taking her hands he pulled her down
    On the altar the devil took his bride.

    I stared at the scene with my hands clenched tight
    I tried but could not turn my face,
    I experienced it all in the dim candlelight
    Until at last he released his embrace.

    The devil laughed and threw back his head
    My god he was evil and cruel,
    He walked back to me, smiled and said:
    'Go look at the woman you fool.'

    I slowly walked to where the girl lay
    She was bruised and her body was torn,
    I looked into the face of the devil's prey
    And I cursed the day I was born.

    She lay in her blood all naked and white
    Defiled to the end of her life,
    I looked into eyes that once shone bright
    Eyes that belonged to my wife.

    I fell to my knees and began to pray
    Surely god this must be a dream?
    Then I looked at my bride of only one day
    In the church all I heard was my scream.
    “The embers of past lives lie within us all, waiting to be fanned into flames of reality by the breezes of remembrance.” Jett Black.

  2. #2
    Registered User Delta40's Avatar
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    Some of your sentence structures have been dominated by rhyme as they are forced. An example of this is:

    As he stopped and his eyes on me cast.
    She was young and a beauty so fair.
    And that evil will forever stay ahead.

    The poem doesn't have a natural flow because of this and the meter is out in places so it makes for hard reading when you're trying to tell a story in this way.
    Before sunlight can shine through a window, the blinds must be raised - American Proverb

  3. #3
    Registered User Jett Black's Avatar
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    Thank you so much for taking the trouble to read and comment.
    “The embers of past lives lie within us all, waiting to be fanned into flames of reality by the breezes of remembrance.” Jett Black.

  4. #4
    Wild is the Wind Silas Thorne's Avatar
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    Cool, another ballad. Yes, I think maybe read this one aloud with natural stresses on the words and you'll see the points where it trips up and can fix them better. Of course, with light verse and ballads the meter doesn't always need to be perfect, but I don't think the music of the thing can trip over.

  5. #5
    Registered User Jett Black's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Silas Thorne View Post
    Cool, another ballad. Yes, I think maybe read this one aloud with natural stresses on the words and you'll see the points where it trips up and can fix them better. Of course, with light verse and ballads the meter doesn't always need to be perfect, but I don't think the music of the thing can trip over.
    Thanks for reading and commenting Cap'n Silas! I do take on board everything that is said about my work.
    “The embers of past lives lie within us all, waiting to be fanned into flames of reality by the breezes of remembrance.” Jett Black.

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