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Thread: This velvet glove

  1. #1
    Registered User Jett Black's Avatar
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    This velvet glove

    she sits astride my body moist and hot
    her eyes aglow with only she knows what,
    upon my neck marks made by her with love
    and on her hand she wears this velvet glove.

    the room is stifling hot with no fresh air
    sweat and tears have wet her long blond hair,
    her burning eyes look on me from above
    and on her hand she wears this velvet glove.

    she lightly moves upon me lips apart
    the only sound I hear is from her heart,
    her touch a feather like a small white dove
    and on her hand she wears this velvet glove.

    she shudders once and gives a tiny cry
    smiles down at me and breaths a sleepy sigh,
    lies down beside me eyes so bright with love
    and on her hand she wears this velvet glove.
    “The embers of past lives lie within us all, waiting to be fanned into flames of reality by the breezes of remembrance.” Jett Black.

  2. #2
    Registered User Delta40's Avatar
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    This is better than your last submission. It's probably more taste than anything else as this is not my kind of poetry Jett but it's definitely better!
    Before sunlight can shine through a window, the blinds must be raised - American Proverb

  3. #3
    Wild is the Wind Silas Thorne's Avatar
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    Exciting. I like this. I can hear the music in it.

    I do have a problem with the third stanza, which needs a bit more work, I think. Her touch a feather like a dove?

  4. #4
    Original Poster Buh4Bee's Avatar
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    It this what happened after the dinner in the bedroom? LOL!

  5. #5
    Wild is the Wind Silas Thorne's Avatar
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    Actually, this kind of reminds me of the Irish ballad 'Black Velvet Band', with the repetition, though not at all due to the topic.

  6. #6
    Registered User Jett Black's Avatar
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    Thanx to you all for reading and commenting. The only way any writer can grow is by having fresh minds review their work and then pointing out stuff like ya'll have..
    “The embers of past lives lie within us all, waiting to be fanned into flames of reality by the breezes of remembrance.” Jett Black.

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