A life misled;
A path walked alone.
The road paved with silver and gold,
Is now nothing but thorns and stones.
The candle that was lit
Has burned itself out
Now that the Light has been vanquished,
Only the Darkness hangs about.
Old doors, once ornate
Have been burned through to the frame.
All those things I could have had;
Destroyed by a single, foolish flame.
Good stuff. That's close to the way it happens. I would change "a single, foolish flame' to "a few, foolish flames."
This poem isn't so much a philosophical opinion of an idea, its actually drawn from personal experience and emotions. The reason I wrote "a single, foolish flame" is because it was only one mistake that ruined it all. Although, I do agree with your idea. If it weren't such a personal thing, the poem would flow a bit better your way. Thank you for the constructive criticism.
get rid of 'the' L4 S2, 'been' L2 S4
Before sunlight can shine through a window, the blinds must be raised - American Proverb
regrets
i have had a few
but none without a dure
life must
live and lure
great title by the way.
I think this is a great piece and great imageries.
the last line is brilliant!!.
I would perhaps use no 'THE' in this line:
''Now that (the) Light has been vanquished''
that is to emphasise light in general as in life and everything live but that is just me
it is fine like that too anyway.
Last edited by cacian; 05-22-2013 at 09:06 AM.
it may never try
but when it does it sigh
it is just that
good
it fly
and yore rimes we must endure...Originally Posted by cacian
Before sunlight can shine through a window, the blinds must be raised - American Proverb
LOL
nice
so when is a poem about London coming through Delta? the general consensus under a little poem might well do it justice
Last edited by cacian; 05-22-2013 at 09:10 AM.
it may never try
but when it does it sigh
it is just that
good
it fly
I like your poem.
If it's not one thing, it's another. Personally, I am not enough of a fatalist to believe that one thing or wrong move can bring catastrophe. But then again, you already stated that this is a personal poem and not about the philosophy of regret.
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