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Thread: Fate Was A Daughter.

  1. #1
    Registered User Jett Black's Avatar
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    Fate Was A Daughter.

    You appeared surrounded by ecstatic worshippers
    Like an orgiastic goddess in search of a kingdom,
    And when I saw you my reason flew out as a bird
    So that stripped of my armour, my insanity was revealed.

    You spoke in a voice that soothed the waves
    And forbade the winds blow and I was your slave.
    Like a hero of antiquity I invented a dance
    And drowned in a cask of honey as I rejoiced.

    How the gods must have laughed
    For they alone have the power of prophecy
    And knew that I had only created a phantom
    To play out a primitive drama.

    So now I wear the helmet of darkness
    As I wait at the river of woe to forget,
    For the prayers of lovers are seldom answered
    And the ritual use of wine cannot erase memories.

    You spoke in the voice of a mortal woman
    Softly, like the rustling of oak leaves,
    And something inside me broke with a sound
    Like the plucking of a lyre string.

    For you took revenge for my vanity
    And you defended your chosen man
    Making him your heir as you scorned me
    And threw my bones behind you.

    So finding myself in a place of many terrors
    I went and whispered to a hole in the ground
    That fate was a daughter too young to marry
    Yet too beautiful to be free.


    ©
    “The embers of past lives lie within us all, waiting to be fanned into flames of reality by the breezes of remembrance.” Jett Black.

  2. #2
    It wasn't me Jerrybaldy's Avatar
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    Come again? What century is this? Have I lost my pills again?

    For those who believe,
    no explanation is necessary.
    For those who do not,
    none will suffice.

  3. #3
    Registered User Delta40's Avatar
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    This sounds alot like a serious version of Bill Bailey's Love Song.
    Before sunlight can shine through a window, the blinds must be raised - American Proverb

  4. #4
    It wasn't me Jerrybaldy's Avatar
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    Anybody who references them self as their their own signature........
    Last edited by Jerrybaldy; 05-21-2013 at 02:59 AM.

    For those who believe,
    no explanation is necessary.
    For those who do not,
    none will suffice.

  5. #5
    Wild is the Wind Silas Thorne's Avatar
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    I think this kind of poem would be better if it rhymed and if you took away all of the long words and replaced them with shorter ones.
    Last edited by Silas Thorne; 05-20-2013 at 08:29 PM.

  6. #6
    Original Poster Buh4Bee's Avatar
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    I quite liked this as I think it took a bit of imagination to create such a tale. As for the poetic merit, for me, it read well.

  7. #7
    Registered User Jett Black's Avatar
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    Thanx to everyone for making the effort to read Fate was A Daughter. I have always told people who post on internet boards:

    "If you have the chutzpah to be posted ... take it on the chin when you get roasted."
    “The embers of past lives lie within us all, waiting to be fanned into flames of reality by the breezes of remembrance.” Jett Black.

  8. #8
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    I got as far as the second line and gave up. Poetry - not even close.

    On a different note - why are all your posts in bold. The font doesn't make them any more readable - quite the opposite.

    It's good you're able to take criticism on the chin - power to you.

    H

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