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Thread: Dysmorphia

  1. #1
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    Dysmorphia

    Dysmorphia

    My neck stiffens like chalk.
    I feel my skin crackling,
    flaking off,
    the only snow falling in this hot sun.
    My hands move to help,
    to find a way to keep my beach ball
    head from plunging
    to the stones screaming beneath me.
    I pause,
    a corkscrew tongue pleading
    to be let out;
    a neck wanting to crack in two;
    hands longing to become nurses.
    Each without a single clue
    that they are each against the other.
    Parts in epic war.
    Valentina Cano
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    Event Horizon (chapbook) for sale now!
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  2. #2
    In the fog Charles Darnay's Avatar
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    I like it. I would get rid of the last line (or make it less awkward, but honestly the penultimate line is a nice closure) - but this is just my opinion.
    I wrote a poem on a leaf and it blew away...

  3. #3
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    Thanks, Charles!
    Valentina Cano
    Represented by The Chudney Agency
    Event Horizon (chapbook) for sale now!
    http://www.lulu.com/shop/valentina-cano/event-horizon/paperback/product-21012962.html

  4. #4
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    If you figured this out, you are already talking about someone else. Need to be upfront. Good luck.

  5. #5
    Inexplicably Undiscovered
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    I'd close with the fourth to last line, with the hands wanting to be nurses. What follows seems anti-climactic. We're all sick of the word "epic," and we're certainly tired of war.

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