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Thread: The Swim

  1. #1
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    The Swim

    You, she, me, a triumvirate of we,
    strip to the rasping sound of cricket song,
    plunge triumphantly through bath-hot shallows
    and seek relief in cooler warmth beyond.

    Swimming, floating, treading still calm water
    beneath a wheeling swarm of soaring kites,
    which, like debris caught in some slow-motion
    maelstrom of tornado winds, are rising,

    rising, ever rising in the hazy
    blue—glowing golden brown, circling, circling
    in silhouette—until they are just dots.
    And you, she, me; we swim on, our heads up,

    watched from the shore by many wary eyes
    set in the horned and ready heads of buck—
    blesbok, with their white-washed faces flashing
    and delicate impala standing by—

    on, and back, into the shallows, now free
    from clinging dust and sticky sweat, we dry
    in sultry air and dress in its caress
    beside the plovers and the shading trees.
    Last edited by Hawkman; 04-22-2013 at 06:09 PM.

  2. #2
    In the fog Charles Darnay's Avatar
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    I love the flow of this! It's fast-paced and relaxing at the same time.
    I wrote a poem on a leaf and it blew away...

  3. #3
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    It's a WE-WE-WE. LOL A triunvirate. LMAO

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    CD: Many thanks for reading and appreciating this poem. It is kind of relaxing, isn't it.

    cafolini: "LMAO" well, you seem to do that a lot, and, assuming it means what I think it means, it probably explains the incontinence displayed in many of your posts.

    Thanks again to all who read - H

  5. #5
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    Yes, incontinent two triumvirates: LOL-LOL-LOL and LMAO-LMAO-LMAO.

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    Keep taking the mood stabilisers

  7. #7
    Card-carrying Medievalist Lokasenna's Avatar
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    Ignore the troll, Hawkman - this is an excellent poem. I love the sense of movement in this poem - you capture that energy effortlessly. And some of your imagery is gorgeous.
    "I should only believe in a God that would know how to dance. And when I saw my devil, I found him serious, thorough, profound, solemn: he was the spirit of gravity- through him all things fall. Not by wrath, but by laughter, do we slay. Come, let us slay the spirit of gravity!" - Nietzsche

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lokasenna View Post
    Ignore the troll, Hawkman - this is an excellent poem. I love the sense of movement in this poem - you capture that energy effortlessly. And some of your imagery is gorgeous.
    He just needs a little help every once in a while. No? Thalia trolls heavily. He doesn't have Johny Carson.

  9. #9
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    Loki: Hi, and many thanks for gracing the thread with such appreciative words. I'm glad you enjoyed it because I spent some time on this one. It was a scene which I recalled with a great deal of pleasure. In the reeds there were Red Bishops and Weaver Birds. There was also a Reed Cormorant and a family of Egyptian Geese. After the swim we saw a Pied Kingfisher hovering over the shallows then diving for his supper. Saw a Hamerkop too. All in all, a very good day.

    I can't really complain about the other chap. After all, he is bumping the thread

    Live and be well - H

  10. #10
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    "I can't really complain about the other chap. After all, he is bumping the thread"

    Before all. LOL

  11. #11
    a dark soul Haunted's Avatar
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    Who's "we"? Phew, i was holding my breath as though I was in water myself, waiting for something to happen. I'm glad all of you came back up, lol. I feared a very different ending, based on "we". But pleasantly surprised and immensely entertained. Your descriptves are impeccable. Every bit of it.

    "But do you really, seriously, Major Scobie," Dr. Sykes asked, "believe in hell?"
    "Oh, yes, I do."
    "In flames and torment?"
    "Perhaps not quite that. They tell us it may be a permanent sense of loss."
    "That sort of hell wouldn't worry me," Fellowes said.
    "Perhaps you've never lost anything of importance," Scobie said.

  12. #12
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    Hi Haunted, What sort of thing did you expect to happen? Were you expecting crocodiles? Had there been crocks I don't think we'd have ventured into the water quite so readily! As for who; well, that would be telling... I'm a bit baffled by the consternation caused by "we". If the mention of "relief" is giving the wrong impression, let me assure you all that it was relief from heat that we sought it was about 35 degrees C. The other kind of we has two e s lol.

    Seriously though, thanks for reading and enjoying the poem. I'm always happy to entertain

    Live and be well - H

  13. #13
    a dark soul Haunted's Avatar
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    "we" as in three suggests a triangle which rarely ends well. I was expecting drowning, perhaps a suicide pact. Don't mind me, I'm a drama queen . Thank goodness it turns out to be such a pleasant piece!

    "But do you really, seriously, Major Scobie," Dr. Sykes asked, "believe in hell?"
    "Oh, yes, I do."
    "In flames and torment?"
    "Perhaps not quite that. They tell us it may be a permanent sense of loss."
    "That sort of hell wouldn't worry me," Fellowes said.
    "Perhaps you've never lost anything of importance," Scobie said.

  14. #14
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    It's really nice seeing this site fine as it was once upon the time, and here is another charming text. I miss all the members and critics here; nice to see you all. It is a beautiful text Hawkman.

  15. #15
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    No worries Haunted. Thanks again

    Mojtaba: hi, and welcome back. Sadly it isn't quite what it was but we try to keep the flag flying. Thanks for your kind words with regard to this piece, I'm very pleased that you rate it so highly.

    Live and be well - H

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