Cold Ale - The Blokes' Thread!

[SilentMute]

@mom--I think you drank some of that Sunny D, mum. I do not recall rowing by, playing a violin, with a grinning alligator, and singing...unless I drank it and don't remember.

As for a live band, I recommend this guy:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iYj42...E0AFC8&index=1

And his pal comes with a keyboard, drums, and tambourine! Of course, the red furry one may have some difficulty in attending. He is embroiled in some legal trouble at the moment. :/

[SilentMute]

Okay, after sampling the proposed music, I have decided I better start becoming a drinker. There is no way I am going to do the Tijuana Tequila dance sober, and bagpipes are something that are just hard to appreciate to someone who didn't grow up with them.

[cafolini]

In Mexico, near Guadalajara, there is a town, Tequila, from where Tequila, the drink, got its name. There they do a demostration of how the best Tequila is suppose to behave. They dip a tsp in it and throw the contents up in the air. The best Tequila evaporates and not a drop hits the ground.

[Sancho]

So here's the musical ensemble we've assembled so far. Say, is that Sounds dancing on the table up top?



For anybody still undecided about whether or not to come to 1st Annual Barn Dance Barbecue and Book Club Shebang, did I mention there will be beer?

[islandclimber]

Beer. What sort of beer? Something good? Yes? No?

[The Atheist]

I guess time shouldn't matter, any party worth having should go on for a week.

Sounds good to me, let's start now then!

[The Atheist]

Beer. What sort of beer? Something good? Yes? No?

Definitely good beer. Microbrewery only from me.

[islandclimber]

Definitely good beer. Microbrewery only from me.

This sounds good. No theistic beers though, right? I'll bring along some of Vancouver Island's finest. Yes, somehow we have some decent microbreweries on Vancouver Island. Also, maybe a few from Unibroue. I've always adored La Fin Du Monde, Trois Pistoles, Maudite, Raftman, etc.

[Sancho]

Splendid! Western Canada is represented.

For the beer drinkers, weird old Uncle Ned will be holding a puke-through-the-nose-for-volume-and-distance contest around about midnight Eastern Daylight Time (GMT-4).

[prendrelemick]

I'll run the weeing contest out the back - points for distance, accuracy AND duration.

[islandclimber]

I'll run the weeing contest out the back - points for distance, accuracy AND duration.

How about points for colour? Yellows, greens, reds, browns?

[prendrelemick]

In my Ex-spurt opinion, good Idea

[Sancho]

^Ha!

There'll be a relief map depicting where the outhouse is.

Also, we're looking for volunteers to do a stage presentation about puns, or maybe it'll just be a play on words.

[prendrelemick]

your inalienably correct sancho.





Right I'll stop now.

[SilentMute]

Not to change the topic, but one of my mom's friends sent this to her--and I thought it was too funny not to share.

RETIRED HUSBAND
After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to TESCO.

Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out.

Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target:

Dear Mrs. Harris,
Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store.
We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice,'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'..
This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money. We don't have a Code 3.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layby

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6 In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where is the fitting room?

And last, but not least:

16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.