It was meant as a joke, but i was kind of serious. This is my first story/novel, and I needed a bit of help to get started, and I do really appreciate all the suggestions I've been getting, and by listening to you, I have a feeling this story will turn out quite good.Originally Posted by hillwalker
You're on the right track because you're willing to listen to good advice.
Before sunlight can shine through a window, the blinds must be raised - American Proverb
I updated the first chapter again, fixing all the spelling mistakes as well as adding a couple of paragraphs to the end. I was planning on waiting until I finished a couple chapters before releasing them, but I'll let you decide - should I update the thread chapter by chapter, or update it every week or so with several chapters?
You still have a good 20+ cases where you use it's as a possessive. It's is a contraction of it is, so saying it is meal or it is head makes no sense. Use its to indicate possession.
Secondly, you still need to tighten up your sentences. Many are awkward and ungainly to read. Right now your first two paragraphs read exceptionally poorly. They don't hook a reader but rather repel one. Try to work on writing with a little more clarity and precision.
I'd recommend not posting too much at once or too frequently if you want feedback. A chapter every few days or even every week is more than enough.
Cheers.
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