Results 1 to 9 of 9

Thread: Our Kids

  1. #1
    Registered User Jeos's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Location
    Brussels
    Posts
    206

    Our Kids

    You come not just from me,but also
    from those who preceded me;
    from the parents of my parents
    and their ancestors,

    from a vast web of passions
    woven since immemorial times-
    you, I and those who
    will become through you.

    The next and the oldest, me,
    us, are you - the carriers
    of the eternity germ,

    unique, irreplaceable
    and more precious to me
    than the apple of my eye...
    He noblest lives and noblest dies
    who makes and keeps his self-made laws

    Richard Francis Burton

  2. #2
    confidentially pleased cacian's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Location
    London
    Posts
    13,930
    I love how this reads.
    The topic is great!

    About this line
    The next and the oldest, me,
    us, are you - the carriers
    of the eternity germ,


    I misread the last line
    as
    'of the eternity gem '
    without the 'R'

    I like the word gem because it emphasiszes the uniqueness of the human race and its eternity on this earth.
    it may never try
    but when it does it sigh
    it is just that
    good
    it fly

  3. #3
    Registered User Jeos's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Location
    Brussels
    Posts
    206
    thanks Cacian ! So gem > germ yeah why not it's an interesting variation.
    About your 'glad its the rain' I suppose you want to say that there is something in the rain "behavior" that is advantageous compared to human behavior ...?
    If that is so why not "wise is the rain that let it all drain" . About rhyme : you can also do it in the same line...
    He noblest lives and noblest dies
    who makes and keeps his self-made laws

    Richard Francis Burton

  4. #4
    confidentially pleased cacian's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Location
    London
    Posts
    13,930
    Quote Originally Posted by Jeos View Post
    thanks Cacian ! So gem > germ yeah why not it's an interesting variation.
    About your 'glad its the rain' I suppose you want to say that there is something in the rain "behavior" that is advantageous compared to human behavior ...?
    If that is so why not "wise is the rain that let it all drain" . About rhyme : you can also do it in the same line...
    Yes.
    In way the word 'glad' means it is a relief that it is nature and not a human that has to do it. It is just a fun way to say it that way.
    'Wise' is equally interesting.
    Sorry I do not mean to detract.
    look forward to reading more of your work Jeos.
    it may never try
    but when it does it sigh
    it is just that
    good
    it fly

  5. #5
    Registered User Jeos's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Location
    Brussels
    Posts
    206

    Our Kids

    look forward to reading more of your work Jeos.[/QUOTE]

    and I of your's !

    And now it's time to fall into Morpheus arms ... ;-)

    read you soon
    He noblest lives and noblest dies
    who makes and keeps his self-made laws

    Richard Francis Burton

  6. #6
    Registered User
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Posts
    130
    Very nice Jeos in subject; yet it seems to me free from emotions, right? I mean it tends to tell a fact, rather than conveying real feelings.

  7. #7
    Still, on a chalk plateau Bar22do's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Location
    Tongue Imbroglio
    Posts
    2,671
    eternity germ... in unending generations, till the end of times...

  8. #8
    Registered User Jeos's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Location
    Brussels
    Posts
    206

    Our Kids

    Quote Originally Posted by Mojtaba-Iraqi View Post
    Very nice Jeos in subject; yet it seems to me free from emotions, right? I mean it tends to tell a fact, rather than conveying real feelings.
    Not quite right friend...it's just that the emotion goes beyond "Mr Little Ego" well at least that's my intention.

    Thanks for commenting and for having noticed it !
    He noblest lives and noblest dies
    who makes and keeps his self-made laws

    Richard Francis Burton

  9. #9
    Registered User Jeos's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Location
    Brussels
    Posts
    206

    Our Kids

    Quote Originally Posted by Bar22do View Post
    eternity germ... in unending generations, till the end of times...
    ...thanks for commenting, you're indeed very welcome...!

    Do you appreciate the sonnet form or it's to classic for you ?

    Comment vas-tu? J'espère que bien !

    Bienvenue! ;-)
    He noblest lives and noblest dies
    who makes and keeps his self-made laws

    Richard Francis Burton

Similar Threads

  1. On Vacation with the Kids
    By BobbyIce in forum Short Story Sharing
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 09-19-2011, 03:57 PM
  2. School Dress Codes? Uniforms?
    By The Comedian in forum Serious Discussions
    Replies: 117
    Last Post: 05-08-2010, 06:20 PM
  3. Thoose Pesky Kids
    By Turkey Man 5432 in forum 1984
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 11-06-2007, 08:07 AM
  4. smart kids
    By motherhubbard in forum General Chat
    Replies: 25
    Last Post: 08-03-2007, 11:04 AM

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •