What Attracts You First? Poll #1 for Women Only

[Emil Miller]

So you are saying that women are immediately attracted to intelligent looking men, not at all looks or any of the alpha male characteristics, but intelligence? So maybe men who read chemistry textbooks or advanced economics are seen as 'hot stuff'? This is what you are saying then yes?

I think Scheherazade is looking for a guy who looks like the first picture but who is also into advanced economics.

[Helga]

So you are saying that women are immediately attracted to intelligent looking men, not at all looks or any of the alpha male characteristics, but intelligence? So maybe men who read chemistry textbooks or advanced economics are seen as 'hot stuff'? This is what you are saying then yes?

When I was 14 other girls made fun of me because 'charm' (what ever that is) to me were men like Woody Allen and Steve Buschemi. Today it's more Simon Pegg maybe but always the nerdy or odd guys. NEVER Brad Pitt!!

I'll admit I had a Viggo Mortensen phase but that was around LOTR, and he DID look good on a horse.

I think guys are just as self conscious about their looks as many girls are and they think girls want someone with a six pack on their body but really they want a six pack in the fridge.

[LitNetIsGreat]

I think Scheherazade is looking for a guy who looks like the first picture but who is also into advanced economics.

Yes that's probably the case. Women start with such high expectations (or hopes) and in the end are inevitably disappointed.

[Darcy88]

I think of it like the woman wants her man to be a beta before her but an alpha towards everyone else, just like a man wants his wife to be dirty with him but a prude towards all other guys. Its what I've noticed in my relationship experience. Fights happen when both act alpha towards the other and neither wants to be a beta.

This is why respect is so vital to a healthy relationship. If the man acts like a beta towards the rest of the world then his woman will act like an alpha ALL THE TIME, even when its just the two of them in private.

And if the man does not respect the woman in private, is alpha on her all the time, then her self-esteem will go down and the relationship will become poisonous for her.

Its a pain in the butt trying to navigate this horrendously complicated dating world. I prefer to abstain from it. Its the most stressful thing, dating, for me at least.

[Mutatis-Mutandis]

This is seen by a large chunk of women as one of the most humiliating female stereotypes and I like it that women argue against it, because I hope that it ceases to be so prevalent. Do you not see how devoid that notion is of pride for someone who works hard to develop themselves to hear someone say “women are attracted to big wallets?” The way we’re talked about, it’s like older men think we’re all schemers who are looking for a free ride. 61% of Canadian university graduates were female in 2007, there are more females with at least a bachelor's degree in my country than there are men. Top of the class was female for every class I've had except three.

I’m not saying there’s no such thing as a woman who is financially dependant on a man: I come from an old-school place, and many of the women who end up staying here marry miners or lumber workers, staying in the home, having babies, and they have to because the work in the mine and mill is VERY physically demanding even to most men, so they can't get jobs in the industry (there are a lot of married couples who both work at the prison though). I just don’t see why all women should live with the stereotype that they’re seeking to be financially dependant on a man when the number of women who actually are financially dependant on men are in the minority (only 7% of Canadian women are unemployed). So if it isn't true for the majority (whereas for example Japan really does score higher in math), then why does the stereotype persist?

I actually agree that most women don't care too much about how much money a man makes. I know plenty of women who are in relationships with unemployed, alcoholic bums--goes into the whole "women date jerks" idea.

Does it occur to you guys that women might have noticed that humanity has ventured out of caves for while now and that how Alpha male is viewed has changed?

There is little need for 'hunters' and intelligence helps more in the way of survival these days.

So looks don't matter at all, huh? You're above all that? Sure, Scher, sure you are.

I think Scheherazade is looking for a guy who looks like the first picture but who is also into advanced economics.

I'm coming to believe that nothing matters at all: some women are just so gosh darned open minded they don't have any standards at all!



I don't get why there's all this backlash against the idea of women wanting to date an alpha-male, which, to me, doesn't mean the same thing as dating a jerk. Why wouldn't women want to be with the alpha male? Why are some arguing so vehemently that you'll go out with someone not on top of the metaphorical food chain? I think you'd be better of just saying, "You're right, Neely, we do go out with the alpha-males. Deal with it."

[Delta40]

How about, 'We're complicated' instead?

[Scheherazade]

I am thinking to make myself gay, as these are qualities which are better appreciated by men.

On behalf of female population all over the world, thank you.

I think Scheherazade is looking for a guy who looks like the first picture but who is also into advanced economics.

Yes that's probably the case. Women start with such high expectations (or hopes) and in the end are inevitably disappointed.

Sorry to disappoint, guys.

Scheherazade is not looking for anything or anyone anymore.

I am quite surprised that this issue is rather confusing to you. Is Brad Pitt goodlooking? Yes. Do I feel tempted to get to know someone looking like him? No. Unless he is carrying that promised Chemistry textbooks, that is.

[Emil Miller]

Yes that's probably the case. Women start with such high expectations (or hopes) and in the end are inevitably disappointed.

True, but we all have to make compromises. It's a bitter pill to swallow but it's in the nature of things that the ideal is unattainable. This isn't the thread to mention it, but it's this that makes The Great Gatsby the important literary work that it is.

[Scheherazade]

So looks don't matter at all, huh? You're above all that? Sure, Scher, sure you are.

You're wrong, MM. We do not go out with the alpha-males. Deal with it.

I'm coming to believe that nothing matters at all: some women are just so gosh darned open minded they don't have any standards at all!

I am not sure why this "superiority" angle is. All we are saying is that we find different things attractive.

Seems like most men have a chip on their shoulders because they do not like Brad Pitt or is not as rich as Bill Gates.

[Mutatis-Mutandis]

Well, I think it's pretty stupid if you're not looking for an alpha male. Why would you want someone not attractive, not charismatic, and not successful? I admit it--I was *****ing before because I'm not those things.

Anyways, maybe you don't date alpha males, but you can't speak for all women, not matter how highly you value your own thoughts and opinions.

And you don't play the superior angle at all...

For others, it is nothing less than expected.

[Delta40]

Anyways, maybe you don't date alpha males, but you can't speak for all women, not matter how highly you value your own thoughts and opinions.

You're perfectly right Mutatis and I guess men simply cannot speak for all women's preferences either.

[KCurtis]

First off I really need to get this straightened out: why do you two keep suggesting that eyeballs aren't physical? What else are they? Not many people have mentioned them anyway, at least not once we stack eyeball admiration up next to genital admiration.

this is hysterically funny.

[LitNetIsGreat]

Seems like most men have a chip on their shoulders because they do not like Brad Pitt or is not as rich as Bill Gates.

I don't have a chip on my shoulder for these reasons. I am just a little tired of the pretence of you 'women folk' at being attracted to more 'noble' attributes when the evidence, and common sense, seems to point otherwise. This is generally speaking of course, but still it is a bit silly, so come clean now.

And anyway, I have been told that I look a little like Brad Pitt by two different people at different times. True, one of them was my friend and the other was drunk, but I'll take the compliment nonetheless. Also, who the hell wouldn't want Bill Gates' cash anyway or is this something that your sex don't like as well? Are you above money as well as looks?

[Scheherazade]

Anyways, maybe you don't date alpha males, but you can't speak for all women, not matter how highly you value your own thoughts and opinions.

Obviously not so highly to claim to know what men think or prefer better than they do... Nor to call their opinions "stupid".

And you don't play the superior angle at all...

I'd strongly urge you to re-read my post. That comment was directed at those who label women as "fortune-hunters" or "trophy-wife wannabes".

Also, who the hell wouldn't want Bill Gates' cash anyway or is this something that your sex don't like as well? Are you above money as well as looks?

I have no problem with people having money (inluding myself). It is just that it is not one of the things I would like to take into consideration while determining how "attractive" someone is (or not).

At this point, I don't think I have any more to say on this issue.

Have fun.

[Babyguile]

I don't even know what alpha male means in this day and age. When I hear the term I think of someone who's an obnoxious twat and needs to be brought down a peg or two. But then the term 'alpha male' itself seems to be nothing but a stereotype.

There exists many a guy who makes a respectable amount of income but does not rely on it to get dates, and someone who is attractive to look at but not 'metrosexual' and overbearing. This is obviously more people's ideal partner.

What about alpha females? Would anyone find them ideal partners? Women DO earn their own money these days and there's probably (since I still don't know what the term means) plenty of them around.