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Thread: Snapshots

  1. #691
    Something's gotta give PrinceMyshkin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Apostrophe View Post
    Good one, but the last line isn't necessary. Stronger to end with "hit back." But then, can a face hit? Perhaps "bite back" might work better? Very good visuals here.
    I don't think I'd keep "hit back" unless I specified a provocation. This was one of my mornings to volunteer at the Mission. Johnnie lives just across the street, drinks (beer?) regularly and has problems with "anger management" but there is somehing unspoiled and maybe naive about him.

  2. #692
    Registered User cogs's Avatar
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    ooo, i'd like to hear about that in a poem. i didn't get enough of it near the last of the first one.

  3. #693
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    "his body curved around the smile
    in his smashed-up Inuit face,
    which wants to be loved"

    Is so evocative. Marvellous descritpion in context. I like this immensely.

    Live long and prosper - H

  4. #694
    Something's gotta give PrinceMyshkin's Avatar
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    Snapshot: May 5, 2012



    A spindly Chinese woman
    walks the block,
    back and forth,
    back and forth.

    It will take a long time
    to pass yet another day.

  5. #695
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    Rather a sad image. I can't help wanting to know more about her.

  6. #696
    All are at the crossroads qimissung's Avatar
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    Ahh, this one makes me ache to read it.
    "The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its' own reason for existing." ~ Albert Einstein
    "Remember, no matter where you go, there you are." Buckaroo Bonzai
    "Some people say I done alright for a girl." Melanie Safka

  7. #697
    Something's gotta give PrinceMyshkin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hawkman View Post
    Rather a sad image. I can't help wanting to know more about her.
    Thank you. She lives a few doors down from me, must be in the neighbourhood of 70. Lives alone but has a son and possibly a few other relatives who come to visit. Sometimes sweeps the walks of neighbours on either side of her. Speaks not a word of English but at times addresses me in spirited Mandarin or Cantonese, seemingly confident that if she speaks with enough conviction, I'll get the message.

  8. #698
    Beyond the world aliengirl's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PrinceMyshkin View Post


    A spindly Chinese woman
    walks the block,
    back and forth,
    back and forth.

    It will take a long time
    to pass yet another day.

    She seems to me a personification of boredom. What a sad life!
    I must create a system, or be enslaved by another man's. ~ William Blake

    Captivity is consciousness,
    So's liberty. ~ Emily Dickinson

  9. #699
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    Like all your stuff, it is well thought out and creates real impact. Am I alone in thinking 'pass yet another day' jars a bit? I'd hoik the 'yet' out.

  10. #700
    Something's gotta give PrinceMyshkin's Avatar
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    I was aware that "yet" did not flow but I wanted to emphasize that this had been going on for yet another day. Thanks for your comment.
    "You must be the change you want to see in the world." Gandhi

  11. #701
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    Quote Originally Posted by PrinceMyshkin View Post
    I was aware that "yet" did not flow but I wanted to emphasize that this had been going on for yet another day. Thanks for your comment.
    It's implied, though, is it not?

  12. #702
    Something's gotta give PrinceMyshkin's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by hallaig View Post
    It's implied, though, is it not?
    Sure it is but I wanted, if possible, to mimic the plodding of her feet over sidewalks she'd walked many times before. In her mind, I imagined, everything carries the memory of having been done before.

  13. #703
    Something's gotta give PrinceMyshkin's Avatar
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    Snapshot: May 30, 2012



    An unusually tall,
    thing young man
    with a pimpled face
    scowls his way
    into the café.

  14. #704
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    Snapshot: May 30, 2012

    Sorry. Double post.

  15. #705
    Still, on a chalk plateau Bar22do's Avatar
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    This builds around "scowls (his way)" thus opening your snapshot to a world of possibilities!

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